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Original poster

Things on MN that aren’t real life (LIGHTHEARTED)

686 replies

Summersun2020 · 19/01/2021 10:33

Thing on Mumsnet that you’ve only ever encountered on Mumsnet (lighthearted...please don’t bowl in with “well I do that actually”...ignore or add one of your own!!

People not using fabric softener...appears that on MN people in their droves think it stinks and is devil juice (I don’t know anyone IRL who is so vehemently against it/gets a migraine from the smell?? Surely it’s not that strong?).

any sort of noise in your garden at any time-kids on a trampoline, playing a radio at a normal level, etc. Completely normal everywhere I’ve ever lived- a cardinal sin on MN! Grin

OP posts:
Changechangychange · 21/01/2021 19:28

@MacDuffsMuff

Anyone over 50 is 'elderly'.
And if they are a twat, it is because they have dementia. Not because they have always been a twat.
Ideasplease322 · 21/01/2021 20:40

Anyone over 50 is 'elderly

Unless they are about to become a dad / then they look 35.

Ddot · 21/01/2021 21:16

Couples who never argue, smile lovingly at each other. SHITE!
if you never argue, just means one is subservient.
Or am I bitter and twisted

StillCoughingandLaughing · 21/01/2021 21:42

Faux ignorance of the very concept of a ready meal. I get that some people prefer to cook everything from scratch if possible - if you’ve got the time and the inclination, great. But only on MN do I see people pretend they don’t understand what ready prepared food is.

‘But what does cooking from scratch mean? How else do you cook things? In our house we just call that making the tea!’ Piss off.

goose1964 · 21/01/2021 21:43

That you can get a high paying job just by applying for it

EmmaGrundyForPM · 21/01/2021 22:40

@goose1964

That you can get a high paying job just by applying for it
And if that doesn't work you can increase your income by taking in ironing.

IRL I know people doing second jobs to have enough money, none of them have started ironing services.b

Original poster
Summersun2020 · 21/01/2021 22:49

@StillCoughingandLaughing YES!!! This one wins the thread 😆

OP posts:
Upshutthefuck · 22/01/2021 09:19

Faux ignorance of the very concept of a ready meal.

Or indeed any of the "I am so confused" threads.
You aren't confused, you know perfectly well what the deal is so stop pretending.

Definitely agree with "cooking from scratch"...it's just...well....cooking.

Don't get me started on "meal planning". Go to the shop and buy the stuff that you need for the meals you are going to eat that week. If you use a lot of pasta/rice/potato (all forbidden on MN I know!) then just check that you aren't running out before you go to the shop.

We are miles from the supermarket - no corner shops/convenience stores round these parts, but I still manage to go out once a week and have a variety of meals without any need for a planner or an app or a phone reminder.

OhToBeASeahorse · 22/01/2021 09:24

@UpShutTheFuck YES and the highly annoying 'do people really..' followed by something really quite normal

PeanuttButtaCup · 22/01/2021 09:36

I have nothing to add but this thread has made me feel so much better about myself. I’m a single mum, in a council flat and I spend a lot of my day watching CBeebies. I honestly thought I was the worst parent in the world after reading a few threads on here. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one

Fizbosshoes · 22/01/2021 09:42

Reading on MN (or may have been poor relation netmums) did I realise the amount of people who take turns to drink, or never drink at all for fear of having to rush their child to hospital in the night.

This would literally never cross my mind (not that I do drink every night, and the 2 times in 14 years of parenting that I've taken DC to A and E, neither of us had had a drink) it's quite common for me and DH to both have a glass (or more) of wine on a weekend and not expect a medical emergency. Most of our family are the same. I've no idea if we're unusually negligent...Confused but we wouldnt be so trollied we couldnt think of other options like asking a friend/neighbour (yes we speak to our neighbours!) Or calling an ambulance.

Original poster
Summersun2020 · 22/01/2021 10:40

@PeanuttButtaCup Flowers

OP posts:
Triphazards · 22/01/2021 11:45

The penis beaker never really caught on in the outside world.

CroutonsAvatar · 22/01/2021 11:57

@PeanuttButtaCup

I have nothing to add but this thread has made me feel so much better about myself. I’m a single mum, in a council flat and I spend a lot of my day watching CBeebies. I honestly thought I was the worst parent in the world after reading a few threads on here. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one
You are most certainly not not the only one. I’m on first name terms with presenters and characters AND can sing all the theme songs word for word. Blush

On the other hand, my toddler’s counting and number recognition is amazing and I give some credit to the Numberblocks for that. Grin

StillCoughingandLaughing · 22/01/2021 12:29

Don't get me started on "meal planning". Go to the shop and buy the stuff that you need for the meals you are going to eat that week.

Yes, some people do talk about ‘meal planning’ in terms that suggest it’s as time-consuming as and only mildly less complex than negotiating peace in the Middle East.

drspouse · 22/01/2021 12:47

Meal planning is a load of wife work. Always suggested to the woman who is struggling to have time to cook and do everything else. Not "only cook half the meals, you have another adult in the house".

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 22/01/2021 13:15

@Ddot

Couples who never argue, smile lovingly at each other. SHITE! if you never argue, just means one is subservient. Or am I bitter and twisted
Yup. There are some threads where the poster is clearly experiencing verbal and emotional abuse. But there are also lots where a woman comes on here after a totally normal row with her DH/DP and says that he swore or shouted at her. She'll then get a chorus of "I would leave DH if he ever raised his voice to me".

Really? I'm not a big arguer - DH and I only have a proper humdinger a couple of times a year. But surely every couple has the occasional row, featuring shouting? Have never met anyone iRL who doesn't.

Fizbosshoes · 22/01/2021 13:26

I vaguely meal plan as in I buy a variety of ingredients across food groups (including carbs!) and then decide what combo to use and what to do with it, when kids ask what's for tea each day!
(Except sundays which is always roast, and occassionally I have to think in advance and get something from the freezer)

DilemmaADay · 22/01/2021 13:42

"Oh your DS lives at home at 21....when I was that age I was married, with 4 kids, a full time job, a car and a mortgage" ....oh bully for you Grin

"I'm on £250k per year and need to take a salary job, how do people live on £100k a year" Confused

Any mention of salaries under 50k being on the bread line. I do wonder if I mentioned I was on just under half that, I'd shock most of mumsnet Grin

No is a complete sentence....yeah you're just rude.

OP: My MiL is so overbearing. She came around 4 weeks after I'd given birth, did some tidying, drank a cup of tea and stayed for 4 hours!!
Everyone: OMG go no contact, interfering cow

OP: I've just given birth and its been 4 weeks (pre covid) and MIL hasnt visited saying she wants to give us space
Everyone: OMG she obviously gives no shit about you, DH and DC, just cut her out, focus on your own 'little family'

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 22/01/2021 14:02

I know this is against the spirit of the thread, but I think it's important. I grew up in a house with a lot of shouting and swearing and it has left me very damaged. I do not like shouty men and I find myself wondering what level of shouting and swearing at your partner is supposed to be normal because no, we don't do it. Slightly raised voice on occasion but never any bellowing. And while we might swear, we never swear AT each other ("This is shit", not "You are shit".).

At any rate, my experience of women who post on here about how an argument or anything else has left them very upset is that it's rarely an isolated incident and there's usually a huge back story. People don't tend to share it on here unless they're already at a certain point.

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 22/01/2021 14:08

That "no" is a complete sentence. It really isn't. If I asked a question and that was the only response I got I'd be waiting for the rest of it. Does anyone actually talk like that?!

MacDuffsMuff · 22/01/2021 14:26

@AtLeastThreeDrinks

That "no" is a complete sentence. It really isn't. If I asked a question and that was the only response I got I'd be waiting for the rest of it. Does anyone actually talk like that?!
Absolutely no one, they just pretend they do because they're strong and independent and just 'tell it as it is' or 'just say what everyone else is thinking'. In other words, they're an arsehole.
Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 22/01/2021 14:45

depends on the context.

If you are strong and independent ,you easily breathe your way out of anything with a smile and a "no thank you".

If you are less used to stand up for yourself, and wary of confrontation, a very firm NO is better than nothing.

It's not being an arsehole to refuse to be treated like a doormat by your family or friends, neighbours or work place.

MsTSwift · 22/01/2021 14:45

I never in my 46 years met any English person that just says a flat “no” to a request! It is a cultural impossibility. “Sorry can’t do Monday” or similar fine. “No” bizarre and rude! Ime other nationalities can do this but we cannot.

Russellbrandshair · 22/01/2021 14:53

@GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom

I know this is against the spirit of the thread, but I think it's important. I grew up in a house with a lot of shouting and swearing and it has left me very damaged. I do not like shouty men and I find myself wondering what level of shouting and swearing at your partner is supposed to be normal because no, we don't do it. Slightly raised voice on occasion but never any bellowing. And while we might swear, we never swear AT each other ("This is shit", not "You are shit".).

At any rate, my experience of women who post on here about how an argument or anything else has left them very upset is that it's rarely an isolated incident and there's usually a huge back story. People don't tend to share it on here unless they're already at a certain point.

Yup same. I would leave if my H shouted and swore at me. He knows my history and that this isn’t ok with me. Shouting at each other and telling each other to fck off is not a healthy way to resolve conflict. Of course we have arguments but in 25 years he’s never done this so it’s certainly not impossible!