Things on MN that aren’t real life (LIGHTHEARTED)

[Summersun2020]

Thing on Mumsnet that you’ve only ever encountered on Mumsnet (lighthearted...please don’t bowl in with “well I do that actually”...ignore or add one of your own!!

People not using fabric softener...appears that on MN people in their droves think it stinks and is devil juice (I don’t know anyone IRL who is so vehemently against it/gets a migraine from the smell?? Surely it’s not that strong?).

any sort of noise in your garden at any time-kids on a trampoline, playing a radio at a normal level, etc. Completely normal everywhere I’ve ever lived- a cardinal sin on MN!

@CherryBlossomTree7 literally this hahahaha
DM’s/MILs are VERY UNREASONABLE for wanting to take their 7 month old grandchild out for a few hours

I actually thought using leftovers was very much a Mumsnet thing, given how absolutely anti-waste everyone is.
Definitely, 'picky tea' is the MN meal of choice along with rotisserie chicken, bagged salad and crusty bread or cold meats and cheeses.

I haven’t got out of my pyjamas since mid December... I’m furlough, I’m in the bath every day I change my pyjamas every 2nd or 3rd day .. I have a big coat wearing my pyjamas..I walked the dog in in my pyjamas today , I went to Aldi in them . Judge away .. I shop probably every 2 weeks minimum and go no where else ...literally take my coat off and I’m indoors again
I love it*

Sounds like heaven!

[quote PattyPan]@DeathValley69 ‘Tea’ is definitely more common in the north, not sure about supper. My grandmother (Sussex) has supper parties but dinner on normal days [/quote]
My in laws are northern (and by proxy I suppose my husband but they moved abroad when he was two) and 'tea' is dinner and then 'supper' is a light snack, like milk and biscuits, which had stuck with DSS and he is forever asking for 'supper' at nine o clock even though he is 12. I had assumed it was something directed at children (I can't really judge him too much on this point though as he caught me stuffing my face with chocolate in the utility room at ten pm last night and was delighted to report this to DH over breakfast - 'I found Zaffa eating chocolate in secret last night' - as if DH wasn't fully aware of where I was headed when I suggested he keep an eye on DD and I 'just popped downstairs to check on something'.... Little does he know about DH shovelling in the sweets whilst pretending to do the endless laundry in there!

In conclusion, I always thought it was a northern turn of phrase.

I do also want to know about the people who use vinegar instead of fabric softener - surely you just reek of hot chips all the time?

@JimmyTheWeed

The obsession with mooncups on Mumsnet puzzles me. Irl,I've never known anyone who actually uses one of these! In fact,a friend of mine didn't even know what they were.

I only learnt about them from mumsnet. Had to google it!

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I've never met anyone who would have separate washing set up. It's in a basket and whoever is putting washing on is putting a washing on. I don't get the "he washes his and I wash mine". Though I could makbe get away with sock pairing like that since I usually wear his when I have boots😂

I'm so with you on this! I can't understand why I would go to all the effort to sort the darks and lights and then also have to sort the his and hers! And who does the bedding? Do you each wash your own pillowcases? It's such a bizarre set up - even more so when children are then expected to do their own washing too! (As opposed to general mucking in with chores like hanging out the communal washing)

@bellver888 hahahaha get your ducks in a row is the funniest phrase ever 😂
I have never, ever heard this said IRL.

RE spam emails- there seems to be a lot of hot, sexy Russians in my area

@zaffa it is soooo weird. And it explains why some people do 3567 washes a week.
Without softener of course

@Ostryga

Oh god everything.

Never answering the door unless the person knocking has sought written permission and given at least 3-5 years notice.

Reporting everything to 101 - next doors cat shitting in your garden? Notify the police. Someone knocking on your door late at night? Police. Someone parked their car near your drive? Police.

Never eating a single grain of sugar, and breathing near half a lettuce leaf for lunch.

This is brilliant

Everybody works around the clock - either to make that six-figure salary or because they're on minimum wage and paying the extortionate rent for a cardboard box.
And yet here we all are, killing time on Mumsnet - the biggest waste of time since they invented Candycrush!

My favorite was someone mentioning she’d quite like an engagement ring upgrade as she could afford one now, fancied something a bit bigger and a bit more sparkly. Poor girl was vilified and told to LTB as she obviously didn’t love DH enough.

Everybody over the age of 30 has dementia

Haven't read the whole thread so sorry if already mentioned. But in the baby names section:

• Every name has to have a nickname. So many people dither over what the nickname will be to the point they end up not using a name they love, because they're scared the kid will just be called the nickname that they don't like. FFS it's your child, call them the full name and when child is old enough they can decide if they want a nickname? Also don't nicknames often come naturally, it's not something that needs to be pre-determined!

• Names of children have to 'go with' the existing DC names. So many threads where the OP says 'suggest names that go with Hugo' or something and I'm like

??? Why is that so important? In a few years they'll have separate lives and friends etc so what does it matter that the names sound nice together? Never heard that be a consideration in real life!

Never expecting to celebrate birthdays as an adults and if you do you're entitled.

The overuse of the word entitled.

Not showering/washing daily.

Reporting anything and everything.

Oh, and thinking it's ok to run a washing machine overnight when you live in a flat!

People spending £10 on groceries for a week for a family of ten.

People who batch cook everything and done like they are in a Michelin star restaurant every day.

Everyone child who is a bit messy or lazy must have ADHD or some other condition, rather than just being a bit messy or lazy.

Everyone who has been in a public slagging match or had someone be rude to them in public must have encountered someone with dementia or a mental health condition, rather than just a twat.

Somebody with a mild bout of anxiety should go to A&E because it's a symptom of sepsis/cardiac arrest.
Everything should be bought on eBay.
What's that vinegar in the wash thing all about? I thought it would perish the rubber seals.

If you are on holiday and the locals inconsiderately have a festival you insist the entire event is shut down. Yes I really read that! Can’t imagine anyone I know in real life being so utterly self important!

Also suggesting wordy waffly faux legalese texts to send to friends and family who have pissed the op off. Often the writers of these are obviously very proud of themselves in a “fixed it for you” way. Anyone receiving in real life would think you had gone mental

I always thought with the names that go together it was more a case of avoiding well known pairs, so you might avoid William and Catherine unless you want comments about royalty all the time. I do think they get used together often enough to matter, you write them together in cards from the family, people ask "how are William and Catherine" etc. Many prefer to avoid the same initial to avoid confusion too.

Old film, pop stars, selling lotions and potions.
Look at me! never seen a knife. My arse, how can you be eighty something and look like you've tied a knot in the top of your head. No wrinkles, no sag, bollocks.
Dont get me wrong, if you want a tweek go for it. I would if I had the cash but dont pretend it's all in the genes and of cause this wonderful cream.
ONLY £*

The matching names thing is mad unless you intend to go through life living with a sibling which is rare these days

@AJ297

No one ever shouts at their kids and if your husband does then LEAVE HIM!

This

Every behaviour that isn't perfect is abusive

Spa days " that'll teach em"
Disowning your family forever over christmas lunch logistics
Blaming women if the father of the baby turns out to be useless/ lazy