Things on MN that aren’t real life (LIGHTHEARTED)

[Summersun2020]

Thing on Mumsnet that you’ve only ever encountered on Mumsnet (lighthearted...please don’t bowl in with “well I do that actually”...ignore or add one of your own!!

People not using fabric softener...appears that on MN people in their droves think it stinks and is devil juice (I don’t know anyone IRL who is so vehemently against it/gets a migraine from the smell?? Surely it’s not that strong?).

any sort of noise in your garden at any time-kids on a trampoline, playing a radio at a normal level, etc. Completely normal everywhere I’ve ever lived- a cardinal sin on MN!

Having to have a long name for a birth certificate. IRL there are a million Millie, Katie, Alfie, Max, Theo, Mimi and Rosie’s wandering around who will be sweeping the streets despite having the highest law degree in the land but being turned down for a job as their name isn’t serious enough.

If you dont take a bullet for your stepchildren every day of your life you are disgusting/ setting them up for a lifetime of pain / should leave the relationship.

Never pinch a wotsit off your toddler - that's child abuse

Anyone over 50 is 'elderly'.

If your mother has recently remarried, you don’t particularly like her new husband (or even if you do, but aren’t particularly close to him) and your father is still in your life, she’s perfectly reasonable to expect him to be given an official grandparent title. A million bizarre variations on Grandad will be suggested, but Uncle Gary would obviously ‘confuse’ the children.

jarred sauces are worse than anything and will cause instant death

That a size 14 is grotesquely overweight and at risk of death at any second, and only just about acceptable if you are 6 foot 6, instead of a perfectly normal size. Usually by posters who are size 8 and 7 foot but "could still do with losing a few pounds".

Following on from the post about long names, MN seems incapable of understanding the difference between a shortened version of a name and a nickname.

This drives me nuts.

@MsTSwift

The matching names thing is mad unless you intend to go through life living with a sibling which is rare these days

as someone who had a ridiculous name combination with her brother (thanks mum and dad), I'm ALL for giving this some thought. High school definitely had some lows. And as adults I've had a few startled laughs when I mention my brother's name!!

as someone who had a ridiculous name combination with her brother (thanks mum and dad), I'm ALL for giving this some thought. High school definitely had some lows. And as adults I've had a few startled laughs when I mention my brother's name!!
@BlingLoving
you have to tell us now. You cant leave it like that.

@BlingLoving I get the need to avoid an awkward combination like Kim and Kanye or something, or names that rhyme etc. But most of the threads are more like 'oh what sounds nice with Ada? It can't be David because there's too many A sounds' or something ridiculous like that. Why does it matter so much to people?

@Throwaway99

No one eats frozen pizza on here. They all make their own with dough made in the bread maker and it has to have rocket as a topping. Even if they have just finished working a 12 hour shift.

This one always makes me laugh.

I remember a thread where someone was hand wringing as she fed her kids frozen pizza once a week, and it wasn't healthy.

One reply said - well, pizza isn;t that unhealthy, homemade, with lots of veg and served with fresh veg and salad it is a very healthy meal.

It was so funny. Surely the whole point of pizza is that it comes out of freezer, and is chucked in the oven, and eaten as is.
Standard easy meal in our house. In fatc it is out Saturday night special, as it means I don't have to cook (But I don't mention it on here)

Yep! We love leftovers and I like the challenge of making little scraps of food into tasty lunches. @AlwaysLatte* define leftovers.
Chicken,pork left over.Yes I'll make a meal out of that.
But Scraps of food sounds like scraping the plate back In to the pot to have tomorrow.*

Haha yes it does a bit! I mean things like a few leftover roast potatoes (although that in itself isn't very MNy!! ) into an omelette next day. Or a few sausages not enough for everyone but chopped into a pasta dish.

@DameCelia

But the whole point of this thread was to sneer at normal middle class behaviour, and rather weirdly to insist that it doesn't exist in real life. I can't imagine trying to insist that people paid minimum wage, or social housing or people wearing pyjamas to the shops don't exist just because I don't personally experience those things. The thread wasn't started lightheartedly at all, and I notice the op is being rather quiet.

Oh get over yourself !

Despising anxiety and introversion ('Aren't they just attention-seeking?')
'What are you, 12?' if someone's DH/DP forgot their birthday, birthdays are just for children apparently.
No outdoor shoe may ever touch any carpet. At any time. Ever.
Stepparents are entitled to approximately 2.5 seconds of their partner's time/affections per year. But only if it's a leap year. If you want more, you 'clearly don't like your DC very much OP' and shut your whingeing because you knew he had kids when you married him.
Knickers under PJs because ew! Natural bodily secretions. Ew. Gross.

If you have any photos of you on your wedding on display, a day in your life that was, along with giving birth, probably one of the best, you are one vain, vacuous self-absorbed knobber

If your high earning fiance proposed to you with a very obvious cubic zirconia from Elizabeth Duke, you are grabby and entitled for being a bit put out

The cleaning ones, arguing about how many times bedding/towels/bras get changed/boil washed to within an inch of its life, then everyone trying to out clean each other. No one cares. There are no clean towel police. No one died from not changing their sheets every other day or not soaking their brazzies in bleach 😆

"I've got a pet limpet."

"You Nazi! What about the millions of retired racing greyhounds being ritually slaughtered and rendered down into horse food?? Don't you even care? I hate you!"

Food being described as "tasty". But what does it taste of? Salty? Sweet? Bitter?

Im greedy and would like full details please

Everything on social media is A LIE! No one can possibly post any photos of anything if they are not trying to hide their complete misery, and every single person who follows is either bored or in a rage looking at posts.

Back in the real world, some people run a business and use social media that way, others... have genuine friends. Who don't shake with rage if someone is enjoying a lovely holiday or is hosting a fun birthday party.

@BorderlineHappy

as someone who had a ridiculous name combination with her brother (thanks mum and dad), I'm ALL for giving this some thought. High school definitely had some lows. And as adults I've had a few startled laughs when I mention my brother's name!! *@BlingLoving* you have to tell us now. You cant leave it like that.

It's not that exciting. Just stupid. We have the same name, just masculine and feminine. Like Olivia and Oliver or Jack and Jackie.

You're suffering from infertility? Just relax! That'll cure it.
The use of "mum" and "mumsy" to mean frumpy and dated. The women that don't want to look like a mum shouldn't go out with their children.

@UpShutTheFuck

Following on from the post about long names, MN seems incapable of understanding the difference between a shortened version of a name and a nickname.

This drives me nuts.

Me too. A nickname is acquired, not given. Both of my DS have, and use diminutives of their given names AND have both acquired nicknames which have no relation to those given names.

Throwaway99
Shop bought margarita pizza. I chuck a few bits onit, bit of tuna some sweetcorn and extra cheese. Yummy and easy, just open a few tins 😉 even when we're knackered that's doable

WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!

Or words to that effect. Regardless of original thread and always if it is a stepmum posting (I am not a stepmum but I am amazed at the hand they are dealt on here, particularly in the Step-Parenting forum.)