What have you been judged for?

[Lockdownshmockdown]

Similar to another thread: what do you silently judge people for?

What have you been judged for in the past?

I have been judged for my political opinions and also for feeding the cat too many prawns

@Ragwort

I think I only feel 'judged' on Mumsnet ... in RL people don't make nasty comments to me - so, in Mumsnet terms; Having an only child, sleep training from a very young age, following a routine, sending DS to pre school when I was a SAHM, actually being a SAHM until DS was 12, using a Kid's Club on holiday, joining PTAs (& enjoying it ) ..... do I care? No, people should have confidence in their own decisions.

Mumsnet really is something else. AIBU in particular is fascinating. It seems like it's become a place where people can say all the nasty shit they temper in real life.

Thought of something else - I have long, grey hair and I'm well over 50 - that resulted in the comment 'grim' on one thread .

Ooh I have one -Walking my large breed short-haired rescue dog while daring to wear a hoodie. Lots of frequent tuts and people crossing the road to avoid us.

I’m a civil servant with a mortgage but I look younger than my years, they obviously think I’m some delinquent.

Fat, single, no children.

Being too thin, in RL people often comment .

Not sure if they think it's a moral failing 🤔

@MindGrapes

What do people actually mean by "being judged" - someone forming an opinion of you that is more negative than you think is fair? Or do you mean someone has confronted you on something or acted differently towards you?

I'm never quite sure what this means in MN threads. Often just seems to me it means identifying where people's priorities or preconceptions differ?

Raffles has given a good example of what she means.

For me it’s a mixture, so my examples were

Having lots of sex when I was younger- people presumed I had low self esteem or desperate etc whereas I just enjoyed sex and had a lot of fun.

Getting pregnant when not in a relationship- people did not approve of this at all, I lost friends over it. I had the last laugh though, 11 years on and we are married with 3 dc.

Being a sahm- this is a Mumsnet judgement, nobody has ever said anything irl.

Home educating- so much judgement for this and people are very openly vocal to your face and again people act differently towards you.

Only judged on Mumsnet. IRL, nobody actually cares!

For starting a new job and getting pregnant. No doubt the people who judged that would be incensed to know I get full pay for 26 weeks too, rather than statutory!

For starting a job in the NHS knowing I would be leaving as DH was due a move in the military. I was called an entitled “military wife bitch” and told I was “bankrupting the NHS.” Over a crappy band 3 job. Still took the job and left.

I’ve been judged because my dad is an alcoholic.

I got married in secret (parents and siblings only). All hell broke loose!

being naturally slim lots of negative comments, no i do eat, no i dont starve myself, why would someone hate me for being skinny had that one said to me ,

for being a natural redhead lots of ginger put downs

for having a brummie accent and not living in Birmingham being treated as though im thick im not

Being a teen mum.

Not forcing my anxious, to the point of being suicidal, 10 year old into school. Apparently children need to be resilient at all times no matter the cost.

I'm still being judged for that 4 years later.

Being fat
Being northern
Being posh (I just don't have a strong accent)
What I did at uni
Where I went to uni

Probably loads of other stuff I don't know about. Don't give a shit about any of it.

@Ragwort

Thought of something else - I have long, grey hair and I'm well over 50 - that resulted in the comment 'grim' on one thread .

Probably envy because they don't want to go out to work.

For having a regional accent

I used to get judged for being able to handle my drink, usually by men in the group. Always the ones who couldn't handle their own.

Also got judged for being able to and choosing to breastfeed. What a selfish person I was for that.

Having three children in my forties and having three within 3 years. Women I know who are mid/late 30’s and still to meet someone and have children tell me I give them hope. On MN it seems I’m too old, selfish and will be dead before they reach adulthood. 😊

Getting my nanny to make the school lunches instead of doing it myself.

Breathing, if my children's opinions are to be noted!

Oh yes. And being ginger

@JustCallMeGriffin

I got married in secret (parents and siblings only). All hell broke loose!

This is a good one! I have a friend who did this and the huffs that various family members got themselves into! It's incredible. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest if someone I loved went off and got married in secret.

Being from a traveller family.
Not continuing the largely self destructive behaviour, dressed up as tradition, that I should have done, being part of said family (judgement from family)

Being a lesbian.
Being part of a blended family where everyone doesn't resent each other.

I didn't have parents or siblings at my wedding - it wasn't even a secret - we just made it very clear it was a very, very small wedding. Didn't receive any negative comments at all.

Having autistic children. Before diagnosis it seemed clear to every member of our families that there was absolutely nothing wrong with them and it was my terrible parenting that was the issue, which they told me, repeatedly. Important to note though that this judgment never really ends even after diagnosis because as they get bigger and have more obvious and considered to be age inappropriate meltdowns, which allows multiple complete strangers to judge you too. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

Also being a single parent.