Dp keeps saying this and it's making me angry.

[xatcat]

He keeps saying that I had a baby with him ( our first ) just to trap him.

He always says it jokingly but it really annoys me.

For context I was 19 when I accidentally fell pregnant. Me and dp had only been seeing each other for 10 months.

This was 11 years ago and he often brings it up.

What really annoys me is that he was a few years older than me so I feel he's blaming it all on me when he knew exactly what could happen.

I was also taking contraceptives, which he also thinks I stopped taking to fall pregnant.

How annoyed would this comment make you?

[Sally872]

Tell him he isn't trapped and if he keeps talking about being trapped he might find himself free very quickly.

Do you think he really felt trapped? Or it is just a joke? Both unreasonable but different issues in my opinion.

[VettiyaIruken]

If he says again that he's not the type of man to walk out on his family, tell him that's ok, he can be the type of man whose wife left him because he spent 11 years telling her he never actually wanted her or his children.

[heathergem]

Is he controlling in other ways in your relationship? It sounds like he wants to maintain the upper hand and wants to keep you down, like you've to be grateful to him for him sticking around.

I would have a very honest and frank conversation with him ASAP.

[SnackBitch2020]

Sorry, but he means it and resents you.
You deserve better!

[TheVanguardSix]

Just reply with mock horror, “Why the hell would I want to trap YOU?” then cackle with laughter.

Absolutely! This! Tell him you didn't mean to catch bushmeat when you laid your trap.
What a dick.

[yankeedoodledandee]

But him a book about growing up, you know the kind that explains the basics of sex. Oh, and tell him to fuck of. 11 years of making the same nasty comment? He is telling you what a good man he is for staying with his family whilst at the same time telling you he doesn't want to be there.

[yankeedoodledandee]

Fuck ofF

[Inpeace]

It’s as bad as you telling him he took advantage of you I wonder what he make of that as a reply!

Maybe there is some truth in that - he took advantage of you - and he is smoke screening?

[SunshineCake]

My mum stopped the pill to get pregnant to trap my dad. They weren't together for long so no, even if you did it on purpose he was well able to leave. Wanker. Next time he says it, say nothing, get a black sack and throw all his clothes into it. When he asks what is going on tell him you are freeing him from the trap he thinks he is in. Dick head.

[WankPuffins]

My ex husband used to say this about are Ds. So did his family.

Ds was conceived the month before our planned wedding. We were ttc. But the narrative changed to it trapped him into it all.

He was a grown man, he could have walked away and not bought a house, planned a wedding and ttc if me really felt that way.

The worst thing is his family tell Ds (now 18) that he was a mistake and that I trapped his father into having him.

[WankPuffins]

our ds

[chairthistle]

Play him at his own game, introduce him to people as your first husband.

[Callcat]

You need an armoury of equally 'witty' responses. Lots suggested on this thread already. If he continues I would happily threaten to forcibly untrap him with divorce papers.

[Rainbowqueeen]

Am I right in thinking you’re not married? What’s your financial position?

The age difference and life experience between 19 and 25 IMO is huge. I’d be telling him he has an absolute nerve insinuating such a thing and asking him why he didn’t take steps himself if it was such a big deal. Get angry OP. He’s essentially calling you a manipulative liar. What a nasty man

[Carolofthebellies]

He loves his children more than anything, and they know he does

So he has allowed to be trapped for more than once then?

What a sad man.

[giao]

So he was 25 when he got a teenager pregnant.

I would be mentioning this often.

[Soutiner]

Put a sign in a front facing top window that reads -

HELP ME! I’M TRAPPED! DAVE (or whatever his name is)

Then go out with the kids whilst he can squirm to the police about why such a sign should be in his window.

[Ihatemyseleffordoingthis]

"He loves his children more than anything, and they know he does."


this is not a loving thing to say about you, or his first child

[Ihatemyseleffordoingthis]

You were 19 and he was 25? He trapped you more like.

[Carolofthebellies]

I'd tell him he is free to go. What he says is very hurtful. He loves his children but he wished he had been trapped. How did he allow to be trapped more than once? Isn't he a fool?

[Soutiner]

If he loves his children the very least he could do is afford their mother some respect.

Making their mother feel unloved/anxious/upset/angry is going to affect the children at some point so no he doesn’t love his children as much as he says he does.

[Ideasplease322]

I couldn’t stay with a man who belittled me on a regular basis.

It is sexist and demeaning and implies he thinks he is such a bloody prize.

I would explain exactly how it makes you feel, how it is absolutely true and how you don’t want to hear it ever again.

If he says it again, leave.

[sashh]

Another possible answer, "Well it is the oldest trick i the book, what sort of idiot falls for it?"

[Catty1720]

Takes two to tango! Also you say DS is now 11?? All well and good maybe thinking it at first but come on 11 years later?? If you aren’t happy with it put your foot down and say so. There’s 15 years between me and DP if he said that because of the age gap I’d think he felt embarrassed and I’d ‘untrap’ him by packing his bags and telling him to take more responsibility next time.