Dp keeps saying this and it's making me angry.

[xatcat]

He keeps saying that I had a baby with him ( our first ) just to trap him.

He always says it jokingly but it really annoys me.

For context I was 19 when I accidentally fell pregnant. Me and dp had only been seeing each other for 10 months.

This was 11 years ago and he often brings it up.

What really annoys me is that he was a few years older than me so I feel he's blaming it all on me when he knew exactly what could happen.

I was also taking contraceptives, which he also thinks I stopped taking to fall pregnant.

How annoyed would this comment make you?

LTB

Seriously, he's not joking, he resents his life and is transferring his discontent to you.

That thing of not walking out on his family tells me he's got a mental construction of himself as a good family man who fulfills his duty but he actually doesn't like it. And his failure to mention love is telling.

Next time he claims you trapped him, invite him to have relationship counseling as you feel he trapped you by not bothering with contraception and it's obviously a serious problem you see differently and need to resolve.

If he refuses relationship counseling but still continues with this crap, start planning for a divorce frankly. Look at your home, career, finance options then plan from there.

I’d be reminding him the your kids aren’t Jesus, you didn’t get yourself pregnant, and if he keeps going he might not have a choice but to leave.

Cheeky twat.

Once the resentment sets in, it’s the beginning of the end.
I would say that I’m not putting up with his hurtful behaviour any more, and that if he says it again you will be seeking a divorce.
I can assure you that it won’t stop and he will still be saying it in 10 years time.

What a horrible thing to say. I'm actually shocked that he could say something so hurtful, but to then double down on it again and again and again over more than a decade? What a cunt.

'Leave, or stop putting the responsibility on me. Otherwise I will leave you.'

On repeat.

When you meet new people with him, make a point of saying ‘We’ve been together X years! I was only 19 but he got me pregnant and I haven’t been able to escape since....!’

Tell him that he trapped you by getting you pregnant and an older man should have known better.
See how that goes down.

My ex used to say this, then I kicked him out and it changed to I used him to have babies. 🙄

As pps say is I'd just laugh and say yep because you're such a catch or the I was 19 when he got be pregnant and trapped me is exceptionally good 😂

How old was he at the time?

@Soutiner

Just reply with mock horror, “Why the hell would I want to trap YOU?” then cackle with laughter.

If he gets hurt or offended tell him it’s just a joke just like his one.

Absolutely this. And “if I was going out to trap someone, I’d definitely have found someone better looking/richer/cleverer......”

It’s not in jest if it’s continual. At the very least, there’s a grain of truth in it - and that’s unfair and horrible.

Op .

After 11 years of saying this I really dont think he's joking . Once or twice you may be able to laugh off but I'm surprised you haven't blown up before now .
Seriously tell him to fuck off . I would never speak to him again.

He was 25. I do wonder if he says it as he's worried other people might think he was too old to be going out with a 19 year old.

I hope your DD/ DS has never heard him saying this, they would feel extremely unwanted.

It isn't a joke, he truly believes it.

What a nasty inadequate little prick he is.

I hope to god your child has never heard him say it.

I think he is being unreasonable TBH .He was 25 not 15 FFS! so now he is a 36 year old saying this?! He seems resentful and somewhat cruel .Maybe he should read up on wearing a condom (That usually stops a mans sperm travelling !) and STFU while hes at it!

@xatcat

He was 25. I do wonder if he says it as he's worried other people might think he was too old to be going out with a 19 year old.

Doubt it. Its more likely he's saying it because he absolutely means and believes it.

As for "got yourself pregnant"
🙄

sign him up for a biology course or pretend to phone the pope with your amazing news.

It's been 11 years. He's not going to have a personality transplant any time soon. Can you deal with his resentment for another 11 years?

He said what?

He means it, you know. He truly believes that you lied to him and stopped contraception behind his back. He resents you and your child and doesn't take responsibility.

I couldn't stay in that relationship. I could not love someone who believed me to be a liar.

Total deal breaker.

I’d call his bluff and set the little cock free.

I would be very angry if my partner said this. If he didn't want a baby HE should have taken precautions. You took steps to reduce the risk of pregnancy, why didn't he? There is always a risk and the only way he could have been sure to reduce the risk on his part is if HE wore a condom. So if anyone is to blame it is him for blindly having sex with someone and not using contraception despite the fact he definitely didn't want a baby at that point. He's being an arsehole.I would definitely remind him of this.

I would fucking livid. In fact, if it wasn't said as a joke, and he was adamant that he meant it, then I would very seriously consider ending it with him.

Don't let it corrode your relationship. If its probably a joke, make clear that it's neither true nor funny. If it's his way of lashing out, ask to have a gentle (or robust, if you like) chat about it.

He resent you and he can’t let it go.

He could still leave and have his children 50% of the time. I’d point that out. But to be honest the next time he says it I’d just say ‘ oh just fucking leave then, honestly I’m sick of seeing your face anyway’

He is consumed with resentment.
If he is saying it to your face I think he will be saying it to others.
Too bad there isn't a tv show with a lie detector element to it.

What advice about contraception will he be giving his dc?

@User0ne, @Soutiner, and @Oreservoir have some good advice.

I favour responding with, 'I am sick of hearing that, I'm sorry you believe it, it will be one of the irreconcilable differences that I will be using to divorce you.'

If he genuinely believes that you trapped him and he is only with you out of duty to the kids then chances are he is going to dump you as soon as the youngest reaches 16/18 leaves education etc.

Why give him that satisfaction?

Does he make an effort for your birthday, anniversary or Valentine’s Day? I would throw anything back at him and say I didn’t want it.