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Men Behaving Badly- Dear God, was it always this horrible?!

190 replies

EreLongDoneDoDoesDid · 02/01/2021 18:06

A Tier 4 Christmas has caused DH and I to turn to the TV for some telly comfort food.

A few nights ago we started watching Men Behaving Badly on Netflix. This was a show that I remember with a lot of affection from my early teens and DH felt the same way. Aside from the Christmas episode- which I stand by as being a great slice of Christmas comedy- we hadn’t watched any of them since the early noughties.

For reference MBB began in 1992. I was 12 and didn’t watch the early series, coming in at around the series 4 mark (although I did see the earlier series later, probably in my mid to late teens). It ran for a total of six series and there was a Christmas special in 1997 and then a trilogy which ended the whole thing off in 1998. It launched the careers of Martin Clunes and Caroline Quentin and brought Neil Morrissey and Leslie Ash to prominence after some years in minor roles. Harry Enfield was also in the first series and my understanding is that he was pretty well known comedian and added a bit of a star turn to it.

In case you’re not British or were living in a hole during the 90s it was a bawdy, un-PC half hour BBC comedy (actually, it started out on ITV for the first two series) and the premise was that Gary, a 30ish year old security sales manager, lives in a flat in London with his flatmate (and friend from uni) Dermot. They’re both immature misogynists whose passions are drinking down the local (grotty) boozer, drinking cans of Stella at home and talking about women they’d like to shag. Gary has a girlfriend, nurse Dorothy, but Dermot doesn’t have a regular girlfriend, instead chasing largely unobtainable women, including the woman who owns the flat upstairs, Deborah. Gary owns the flat and has a steady job, Dermot pays him rent (or more often doesn’t) and is in and out of work. Dermot leaves after series 1 and is replaced by Tony, but Tony occupies the exact same space as Dermot, just with a northern accent. So far, so The-Inbetweeners-15-years-on.

But it’s just awful. Really awful. By the time the show ended I was in my late teens and I don’t remember the world being this....unpleasant nor the show being so broad and offensive. The men are just... idiots and the women shrill and nagging, hen-pecking the men and seeming to not like them at all. The language is really offensive, with the women referred to as “bints”, “bitches” and “slags” and constant references to sex that also border on being unacceptable.

The central romances between Gary and Dorothy and Tony and Deborah are horrible in their own quite different ways: Dorothy seems to despise Gary, and who could blame her because he’s knob. But equally he doesn’t seem to like her at all either, doing everything he can to avoid any kind of real commitment to her. Their relationship is depressing: They constantly argue, seemingly only getting along when it comes to sex (though Dorothy spends much of her time rejecting Gary’s advances). The relationship is quite parental, with Gary as the naughty school boy and Dorothy the mother who just spends her whole time telling him off. They aren’t really ever that nice to one another, and although the message is clearly meant to be that they’ve got each other’s backs when the chips are down, that isn't as clear here in 2021 as it was obviously meant to be in 1995. They also both cheat on one another more than once. Dorothy even sleeps with Tony, which Gary hardly seems to care about.

Tony and Deborah’s romance is equally depressing in a different way: Tony is a sad, sex-obsessed and mopes around the flat all day, drinking lager that he buys with his JSA. He pines over Deborah in the flat and she spends all her time knocking him back and going out with other people. Until the last series when she’s reached her late 30s and basically goes out with him out of desperation. They’re also not very nice to one another but with Tony being more thick bloke who pines and her being slightly less acid-tongued than Dorothy.

There are also some questionable running themes: marriage is often discussed negatively by Gary and Dorothy in a way that maybe was meant to feel modern because she wants it no more than he does, but they do end up almost marrying and later having a baby and you don’t get the feeling that either of them really wanted to (they were just out of any other options). The women as killjoys theme has been discussed and is weaved into the very fabric of the show, whilst the men act like teenagers and avoid the women’s attempts to spoil their fun. There is also a really unpalatable theme about very young girls being fair game throughout the show... Gary makes reference to his desire to shag his 17yo niece several times, at one point saying that she has “buttocks like a racehorse”. Watching it, me and my husband literally shouted “Christ no!” in unison. So bad!

We were also shocked at how much the characters drink and smoke. Culturally the world seems hugely different to now, much more different to how I remember it. Drinking and smoking is done constantly and without question. We also have a good laugh and how rich these characters are. Both Gary and Deborah are 30/31/32ish at the start of the series and both own the 2 bed flats that they live in (that seem to be a conversion of an older house). They live in Ealing and such a flat there now would cost circa £500k. No conceivable way that a middle manager of a security firm and a restaurant manager (which is Deborahs job) would be able to get mortgages, alone, on these properties now.

So my question is this- for someone who was a child and then a teenager throughout the run of this show... were things really this different? It looks like a different world to the one we are in now to the extent that it’s hard to believe it was only 30 odd years ago.

Is this how people felt in the 90s when repeats of beloved 60s and 70s sitcoms were shown? Will we feel like this about the big sitcoms of the teenies like The Inbetweeners, Him and Her, Friday Night Dinner and People Just Do Nothing? Or was this show actually really horrible at the time, I just didn’t notice because I was so young?

OP posts:
TartanLassie · 02/01/2021 19:09

Anyone remember Girls on Top? With Ruby Wx, now I loved that at the time.

Wonder if that has aged?

billybagpuss · 02/01/2021 19:10

It was actually quite forward thinking for it’s time. If you think:

1950 most women were housewives
1960 women have jobs but still frequently had to leave once married
1970 more women in work, but still the heart of the home
1980 the birth of the power woman with women really rising in industry and discovering the ceiling is made of glass
1990 mbb time, 80% of men in the workforce were a Gary or Tony, this was standard sexism that was literally every day and everywhere for most women. Deborah and Dorothy really did put them in their place, they empowered other women to do the same and without shows like this, sexist as it undoubtedly was, would we have ever got to the ‘me too’ movement and to the point that we literally watch it and cringe. How many times, or arguments did the boys actually win?, the girls put out there that actually no, this is not ok and the boys did not get away with it.

I may be totally off here though as I haven’t watched it for decades but it’s how I remember it.

1forAll74 · 02/01/2021 19:11

I like to see a few of these shows from yesteryear, without comparing the behaviour and language in them to what is acceptable now. It was a different era. I dare say I would still laugh , if I saw the old pervy Benny Hill shows, where he was often seen leering at half dressed girls, and chasing them round the garden etc. Just can't be done now, but was common place all those years ago, and most people found it funny, and tuned in every week.

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newlabelwriter · 02/01/2021 19:16

I find this a lot with shows from 1990s. DD and I watched the first series of Dawson’s Creek (after me banging on about it for ages) and it was so inappropriate and cringey. Pacey ends up snogging his teacher and the dialogue is so dated.

FleetwoodRaincoat · 02/01/2021 19:16

I rewatched it very recently and still found it very funny in parts. The writing is clever, but of course the whole thing is very dated now, and you wouldn't make it the same way. The whole point of it was that it was a subversion of the mainstream sitcom, where men were always in charge and the little wives were at home doing the cooking, which is why the men are portrayed as being stupid.

BogRollBOGOF · 02/01/2021 19:17

The clue is in the name "Men Behaving Badly" It wasn't intended to be aspirational.

There was a "lad" culture fed by a growth in men's lifestyle magazines, then "laddettes" wanted a bit of female empowerment and copied similar lifestyles with things like drinking habits.

Mrsfrumble · 02/01/2021 19:18

Agree that London flats were affordable in the early 90s. When DS was born we were living in a large 2 bed flat in Islington, which the landlord told us he’d paid £80k for in 1992. It’s now worth about £750k Shock

I remember watching the odd episode in the mid-90s, when I was in my late teens. “Lad culture” was such a big thing at the time, all beer and football and Loaded magazine (do you remember Gail Porter’s naked arse being projected onto the Houses of Parliament?)
I probably did find it funny at the time, but no doubt would cringe watching it now.

MardyBicardi · 02/01/2021 19:21

Yes, we watched it a while back and realised that is has aged badly.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 02/01/2021 19:23

It was always awful. I was in my 20s when I watched it and although there were some funny moments, there was nothing aspirational about any of them - with the possible exception of Deborah, who didn’t seem particularly nice or funny, but at least had some standards!

My DP loved Game On and a few months ago he decided to watch it for old times sake. It lasted about 5 minutes until one character threw the accusation of it being “rag week” at Samantha Janus’ character and I just gave him the look and turned it off.

I often wonder if I’d like Moonlighting as much if I saw it now, but don’t want to spoil my memories of it!

Lavanderrose · 02/01/2021 19:31

Yeah, not reading all of that...
But I will say that the shows are a exaggerated reality of the time.

nosswith · 02/01/2021 19:44

It is of its time.

MuseumGardens · 02/01/2021 19:48

I had a boyfriend in the 90s who liked it and I think modelled himself on them. Eg. I'd go round to his flat as arranged. He'd say he was just having a drink after work. End up staying the whole evening. Turn up with apology flowers and chocolates. Thought he was hilariously like MBB.
I of course dumped him and met and married someone decent!

Gwenhwyfar · 02/01/2021 19:49

"there was nothing aspirational about any of them "

It's not supposed to be aspirational. It's a comedy, not an educational programme! They're supposed to be behaving badly!

Rockbird · 02/01/2021 19:54

I used to love it, haven't seen it in years though. Guess that's tonight's viewing then Grin

GellerYeller · 02/01/2021 19:55

@MarkRuffaloCrumble maybe rose tinted specs but I like to think Maddie had the upper hand in Moonlighting. Financially independent and didn't fall for David's advances easily. I hope it hasn't become problematic with age as I ADORED it.
Ally McBeal I do wonder about on the other hand... loved it at the time but she just wanted a man to complete her despite the great career didn't she. Ditto Carrie in SATC.

Roundlampshade · 02/01/2021 19:56

I always felt that Gary and Dorothy settled down with each other as Second Best because they couldn’t get anyone else. I took great inspiration from that to find myself a top notch boyfriend who treated me like a Princess. I mean, do you really want a Gary? I wonder what he would be like now?

MrsGrindah · 02/01/2021 19:57

Most comedies age badly because it’s really difficult to see them without looking through today’s lens. It doesn’t even mean that things were like that it those days..it’s just the the humour of the time .

BounceyBumblebee · 02/01/2021 19:57

I think in 30 years time, people will watch the comedy of today and wonder where everyone's sense of humour went.

Russellbrandshair · 02/01/2021 19:59

It was always crap. Even back in the 90s as a kid I could see it was deeply misogynistic and all the characters were vile tropes and cliches.

NaturesEnd · 02/01/2021 20:02

Yeah it's pretty grim, game on is worse, bleh so horribly misogynistic. I rewatched gimme, gimme, gimme recently and it's still funny, I also still enjoy 2 pints of lager too, cheesy but amusing.

Chumleymouse · 02/01/2021 20:03

There is no comedy today , you can’t make fun of anything nowdays , everyone is too pc.

RandomUser18282 · 02/01/2021 20:14

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CathyorClaire · 02/01/2021 20:17

I remember enjoying it at the time but watched a couple of series a while back and wondered what I was thinking. It's aged very badly although the pickled appendix licking is still genius

I also enjoyed Butterflies at the time but got given the box set. Again don't know what I was thinking. Ria was just so wet. The kids and husband would have been wearing the food they hadn't cooked and carped endlessly about had it been me.

The 'I want to be raped' moment was absolutely jaw-dropping although TBF I remember thinking the same at the time. Really, really out of left field and never recovered.

Rockbird · 02/01/2021 20:29

Just watching the one where Deborah was selling her flat. I'm still chuckling tbh... Blush

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