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Original poster

Zoom call that has made me feel shit

253 replies

Ahallly · 30/12/2020 11:02

NC as very outing. Had a zoom call last night with five friends. All relatively close but some closer than others. Subject turns to money and this one woman who tends to dominate decided to ask if we were all being sensible and keeping up with savings each month Hmm she then said to us to ‘go round the zoom’ and let’s say what we are all saving to keep us all on track. They all said a figure between 800-1,200 and mine was 200. Then they started talking about what was left on mortgages with them all having 10 years to go!! I have 20!! It was really uncomfortable. After the call my closest friend called me and asked if I was ok as she must have sensed I was upset. I live alone and it’s hard to save. She said this woman might have been worried about her finances and that she wasn’t saving 1,000 a month in reality and had just copied the others.

I know it’s silly but I never thought about friends savings before and now I’m so worried I’m really unusual or not going to be able to pay off a mortgage as fast and so on. Just wanted a sense check really. We are all in mid/late 30s. Feel a bit shit about it.

OP posts:
covidaintacrime · 30/12/2020 12:57

@Apollo3 shock are you on a very high salary to do that?!

Not in the slightest. It just, as I said, an awful lot of the things that I spent money on before are not available to spend money on now. I'm not sure why that's so difficult to follow....its the same for many people!

I'm on the average income for my country, and there's no way I could ever spend £1200 on disposable things every month and then save it all up during lockdown. £1200 is a huge chunk of what I need for rent and food.

Of course, everyone's financial situation is different and I'm by no means shaming you, but please understand it isn't "normal" to be bringing home that much. It comes across as disingenuous to say that.

SouthDownsLass · 30/12/2020 12:57

JFC I wouldn't be joining in that particular Zoom meeting again!

Eviebeans · 30/12/2020 12:57

Doesn't sound friendly or fun

DaisyDreaming · 30/12/2020 12:58

I thought your post was going to continue with her suggesting you all join her MLM scentsy/younique/juiceplus so you can save as much as her! Who on Earth brings that up as a topic of conversation like that and makes everyone go around. That would be bad enough at any time but right now there’s more families on the breadline than ever before

Love51 · 30/12/2020 12:59

I would have this sort of conversation with a few people 1:1 if there was a reason. I wouldn't do it with a third person present, let alone in a group. Crass.

taskmasterfan · 30/12/2020 13:00

I think as a single person you are doing all you can! You should be proud you are a home owner and are actively saving. Its
not hard to save when you have a lot, its really hard when you dont have as much, it takes real discipline and planning.

When you couple up and share bills your outgoings go down hugely and so you can save more and overpay mortgages etc. So you aren't comparing eggs with eggs.

Also someone could be saving less but be putting in twice as much into their pension etc. Semantics.

It was a mean question designed to brag and am glad your friend read you well and did a follow up call.

Apollo3 · 30/12/2020 13:01

'm on the average income for my country, and there's no way I could ever spend £1200 on disposable things every month and then save it all up during lockdown. £1200 is a huge chunk of what I need for rent and food

I didn't say it was 1200 POUNDS. It's not.

The point being, how are most of you not saving money when you can't go anywhere or do anything? I get that for people who could only pay for the basics nothing much has changed, but those with any disposable income at all, you have to be saving. OR you're just wasting your money and I have no sympathy for you.

covidaintacrime · 30/12/2020 13:04

those with any disposable income at all, you have to be saving. OR you're just wasting your money and I have no sympathy for you.

Yes because no one who previously had disposable income has been affected by Covid at all. Nobody also has additional costs during lockdown that make saving impossible. Everyone's just lazy or bad with money.

I didn't say it was 1200 POUNDS. It's not.

Okay fine, but I don't know why you would leave off the currency unless you hoped people would assume it was £.

StopSquirtingBleachOnCaneToads · 30/12/2020 13:05

Sounds like a really horrible and cringey conversation.

I would avoid that woman from now on.

Apollo3 · 30/12/2020 13:08

Yes because no one who previously had disposable income has been affected by Covid at all. Nobody also has additional costs during lockdown that make saving impossible. Everyone's just lazy or bad with money

I specifically mentioned in a pp that I was talking about people who have the same income as before. Like me. Do keep up.

And I left the currency sign off precisely so it obviously wasnt pounds Hmm. You just assumed, whcih was silly of you, but the currency makes no difference.

GCAcademic · 30/12/2020 13:08

The point being, how are most of you not saving money when you can't go anywhere or do anything? I get that for people who could only pay for the basics nothing much has changed, but those with any disposable income at all, you have to be saving. OR you're just wasting your money and I have no sympathy for you.

A lot of people are spending money on their house now. What with being cooped up in it 24/7 and all. That’s no more of a waste of money than going out is.

Quaagars · 30/12/2020 13:08

she then said to us to ‘go round the zoom’ and let’s say what we are all saving to keep us all on track

Nosey cow! None of her business, I wouldn't have told her, what's it got to do with her?
Bizarre conversation to suddenly just have

Unsure33 · 30/12/2020 13:09

I would never discuss my finances with anyone .

And trust me people move and take out longer mortgages all the time .

And peoples circumstances change throughout their life .

All of us have ups and downs and no one should judge .

MoreJammyDodgersPlease · 30/12/2020 13:11

OP you are doing fine - I didn't even get as far as buying a flat until my mid thirties. Your friend sounds very unpleasant. I had a similar zoom call where a friend asked if anyone had put on weight over the lock down. Fortunately she wasn't interested enough to go round everyone, but I was tempted to just switch off. Suitable responses only came to mind a bit too late.

covidaintacrime · 30/12/2020 13:11

You just assumed, whcih was silly of you, but the currency makes no difference.

That's not how that works at all. I could manage to save 1200 rupees (£12) a month but not £1200.

I'm very glad that you're managing to save money and stay financially viable during the pandemic, but "having no sympathy" for people who can't save that have disposable income (which can easily mean a very different thing this year) is unreasonable.

Ori2021 · 30/12/2020 13:12

I feel for you. Please don't feel bad. You were manipulated into a really uncomfortable situation. I don't manage to save any money, I'm a SAHM and I have over 20 yrs left on my mortgage.

You're doing just fine. Don't ever fall into the trap of comparing yourself to other people - it's your life, and you are doing the best you can. Honestly, that woman shouldn't have done that, and I would distance yourself as much as possible from her if I were you. She carries bad energy for you and you'll be happier going NC if you can.

HeronLanyon · 30/12/2020 13:13

Also re saving money because not going out/travelling - a lot are spending much more on food and household energy bills which may offset any ‘savings’ possible otherwise.
I’ve saved a lot but only because I used to spend a lot on eating out and going out and travel. Not everyone did/does.

Apollo3 · 30/12/2020 13:14

That's not how that works at all. I could manage to save 1200 rupees (£12) a month but not £1200

The point was that I can save twice as much as I could before. And since you're so easily confused, that's in euros Hmm

Lots of people are able to save a lot more now than they did before. I'm amazed this comes as news to anyone, its perfectly bloody obvious!

MintyCedric · 30/12/2020 13:15

I think it's the 'are you all being sensible...?' bit that would really piss me off...patronising much?

OP it sounds like you're doing just fine. I'm mid forties, divorced with 22 years left on my mortgage, save £50 a month and that won't be happening for at least the next 9 months as I'm having to take an unpaid career break to care for sick, elderly parents.

At least you are self-reliant...assuming this woman is one of the ones with a partner/living with parents she could end up getting a very rude awakening at some point.

Apollo3 · 30/12/2020 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

covidaintacrime · 30/12/2020 13:19

Lots of people are able to save a lot more now than they did before. I'm amazed this comes as news to anyone, its perfectly bloody obvious!

Some people can, and they are fortunate. The mentality of "if you can't save during this lockdown then you're wasting your money and I have no sympathy for you" is pretty unkind. It's great you can save twice as much, but half of my money has gone out the door in heating bills, ordering takeaway to try and help the economy, PPE & a lot more cleaning gear etc, needing to fix the car as DH is a key worker etc.

Soutiner · 30/12/2020 13:20

Op, I’ve just realised that I know who the woman is and her husband.

LaVitaPuoEsserePiuBella · 30/12/2020 13:20

Just make it a point of principle never to discuss finances - it's nobody's business.

covidaintacrime · 30/12/2020 13:21

"Going no contact", what an arse you have to be to even say that, let alone do it!

What, with anyone? Confused

domesticslattern · 30/12/2020 13:21

Your issue here is not your finances. It's you frankly weird friends.