Adults complaining about presents

[elleps]

Does anyone else find this absurd? Or have I just been lucky to like any gift I’ve had?

I find it so distasteful and embarrassing. If there’s something you really want surely you get it yourself anyway! Of course it’s nice receiving a gift but the drama over not getting exactly what you wanted... I don’t get it!

I don't get it either. It's not just you.

I agree I find it very strange and embarrassing! I think it's part of the whole infantilisation of society that we have today. Grown adults wailing like small children because they didn't like their present.

It depends. Complaining about something not to your tastes is absurd but complaining about an offensive gift eg unwanted dieting book or a completely thoughtless gift from a partner who has no excuses eg something your allergic to suggests wider issues than crap gift giving.

Reading some of the threads recently has made me realise that some people clearly have a lot more invested in this area than I do! I find it absurd that adults place so much importance on gifts.

I have to agree. Unless you write a list (like a child) the chances of someone getting it 100% right are pretty slim.

Completely depends on the situation.

Totally agree! I couldn’t care less what gift anyone gives me, presents at Christmas are just for kids in my opinion.

I agree with you OP. If I really want something, I buy it for myself. Anything else is just a bonus.

I got two shockers from friends this year. Why would I be grateful for coasters depicting a film I’ve always hated? Coasters are stupid, I already have much nicer ones I never use, and it’s a bloody awful film I’ve never mentioned liking, because I don’t, and neither does the giver. I’m not going to say anything but I will duck out of exchanging gifts with them next year.

I think it’s mostly not about the gift itself but the feeing or lack of behind it that upsets people

Agreed, I’ve been pretty open mouthed at some of the threads here over the last few days.

Obviously there will be some exceptions - clothes in a size 8 when you are a 16 or something hurtful - but generally, I don’t understand why an adult would care that much.

It depends what it is.

If it's a bitchy gift (such as dieting cookbooks or fitness equipment for someone who doesn't work out) then I'd understand the irritation. I'd also understand the hurt if someone close put very little thought into their gift, and by that I mean treating a close loved one like you would a secret santa for Dave from accounts who you hardly know.

If it's something that's thoughtful but not perfectly to someone's taste then I think people should get over it.

I think this year people should be a little more understanding if their gifts are sub-par. It's been so much harder to do Christmas shopping. I'm not a fan of shopping, but I do like to browse at Christmas and be inspired. Not really possible this year, so I've found it harder to get really good gifts.

@Thatwentbadly yes I hadn’t thought of that of course. I suppose a gift that is insulting is a separate matter really?

@pinbinpin exactly, just buy it yourself ffs!

I agree too. I’ve read so many posts where grownups are moaning like little kids. Dp and I get each other a few little bits (smelliest, choc, socks) so the kids can wrap them up and give them to us. We buy our own things throughout the year. So long as we spend time together, I’m happy.

It depends. If someone bought me a piece of clothing that just wasn't quite what I like, I'd think it was a well meaning mistake. If it was three sizes too small and in a style that I have never been seen wearing then yes, I'd be upset at the lack of thought.

For me I think it's the utter waste. Husband was given socks too small which can easily go to the charity shop and son was given a flavoured ciders selection when he doesn't drink cider and neither does anyone else here. To me it's a waste nothing would be better.
Friend messaged me a pic of the Christmas loo roll she got from secret Santa at least she can use it.

I also do think, this year particularly when we haven't been able to see each other or spend time with loved ones, that the thought really does count.
I've seen thoughtless unsuitable gifts given and have received a couple. I'm not getting upset about it, I'm putting them to the side for the charity shop hopefully someone else will enjoy them.
If you've spent a lot of time, effort and in Some cases money on a gift and get something unsuitable, you have every right to be a bit disappointed.

Agree with @BreakfastOfWaffles!

So weird. My husband and I were discussing this this afternoon because my best friend is like this. I find it baffling.

This thread reminds me of the time a relative told me, with fluttering eyelashes and faux naivete, how they had never disliked anything their partner had bought them for Christmas, and that they wouldn't dream of being ungrateful and telling anyone even if they had.

Off I slunk, duly chastised, like the horrible person I am.

Until another relative told me about the time original relative did in fact get a present they disliked which precipitated a full scale emotional meltdown with floods of tears, until it was replaced with something they liked...

Ah yes, everybody's time comes eventually..

Some people can't afford to just go out and buy whatever they want whenever they want. Perhaps these gifts will be the only 'treats' they will get in a year. I can see why it would be disappointing seeing money wasted on awful gifts when you know it could have covered the cost of whatever it was you really want but can't afford.

Gosh, though, the privilege oozing out of "just buy it yourself" and "writing a list like a child" is staggering.

For a lot of people christmas gifts are a chance to either have something nice that you wouldn't buy for yourself (can't afford it, don't believe you deserve treats etc) or someone wants to treat you to something but don't want to waste money/resources on something that you won't use (hence lists)

And then the whole pass-ag gift giving is a whole other topic.

Just be happy you enjoy your gifts, and let people vent if they want. dong it here is, for some people, a way to articulate it without offending (or worse) the gift giver.

@OuiOuiKitty yes good point! I just think if it’s that important then you tell the person outright that’s what you’d like. I have a friend who complains every year that she didn’t get as much or exactly what she wanted. We go for expensive dinners all the time so I want to tell her skip it and buy yourself the nice things you’d like so you don’t have this yearly row!!

I gave dh much better presents than he gave me (he had no time, we laughed about it) I feel great weirdly!! its so nice to see someone happy. maybe its a control thing? I did secretly want a guitar though....

It depends what it is and who gave it tbh.

Most people - IME - complaining about what they’ve received aren’t complaining about the actual thing itself, but the thing as a representation of something else, whether that be wondering how it’s possible for people who are supposed to know them well not to understand what they do and don’t like, thoughtlessness, meanness, or outright hostility.