Adults complaining about presents

[elleps]

Does anyone else find this absurd? Or have I just been lucky to like any gift I’ve had?

I find it so distasteful and embarrassing. If there’s something you really want surely you get it yourself anyway! Of course it’s nice receiving a gift but the drama over not getting exactly what you wanted... I don’t get it!

I wasn't given a single Xmas present today. I'd of appreciated anything. A lot of people do seem pretty disappointed from what I've read today

For years DF gave me Newbury Fruits (IIRC) each Christmas. I loathe them, but it took several years to tell him, as he was a sensitive soul and would have felt disappointed, and so I would have felt guilty!

Someone upthread said that some people can't afford to buy themselves what they need and so Christmas time might be the only chance they get to receive it. Bugger that for a false economy! If you are that hard up take courage in both hands and stop exchanging presents with adults. Spend equivalent on what you need. You cannot make someone else responible for second guessing what you need. No one is that invested in you. And none of your friends want you to short change yourself in order to buy them a bath set.

I think for some people I can sympathise actually . Having lived through years in an abusive relationship (no say over how money was sent)/ on a shoestring as a single parent I did used to feel a bit upset with gifts that I neither wanted nor needed when there was so much I badly wanted /needed

Even as my financial situation improved considerably I think I found it very hard to spend any money on myself and still hung on to a bit of a sense that those gifts were the only chance to get things I needed /wanted.

But now I am able to and allow myself to buy things I need and occasionally things I want, presents are just a "nice to have" again.

So in some cases yes it is utterly ridiculous but in other cases it might be a reflection on somebody who really has very little chance to spend money on themselves.

I'm genuinely used to no gifts so I was a bit excited to see what he bought.

It was a steering wheel cover. For about £2?

Whilst I didn't complain I am a bit deflated about that...

It was a steering wheel cover. For about £2?Whilst I didn't complain I am a bit deflated about that

Does it not have an airbag?

I also find it extremely weird that adults can get upset about gifts they’ve received. I like buying gifts for people but typically I’m not bothered about receiving them as it is rare that someone will get something I really love or need, and I’d rather they didn’t bother. This year was great because several close relatives suggested we mutually donate to a charity instead of buying each other gifts - I am hoping it is the start of a new trend and in future we will reserve gift giving for children only.

Hahah me and dh got tge same gifts off a family member and both are pointless to use so a complete waste of money also don't know anyone under the age of 70 that would use them we are 20s hahahha but said thanks and will get donated

I guess it's the lack of thought that's really hurtful.

Worst was a family secret Santa with £50 limit. Plan was that we would all get something lovely. I was on mat leave & we didn't have much money so this was our only present. I got a £50 toiletry set & was all the more hurtful when I realised it was from my dh.

I was devastated that he had wasted that much money & hadn't given it a second thought about what I'd actually like.

@ShandlersWig

I have to agree. Unless you write a list (like a child) the chances of someone getting it 100% right are pretty slim.

See, I'm part of a list family. We do Secret Santa for the adults, the limit is £50 per person.

I write a list because I don't want a load of stuff I don't like, won't use, or is just not my style. I get that the thought counts, but I'm a grown woman and have basically all the stuff I need. Gifts are the things I don't buy for myself. DH did say he felt bad he hadn't got me much, but as I pointed out to him I'm not shy about buying stuff for myself. I don't need anything at all, so the small bits and bobs are fine.

The last time I did SS at work I got a nail polish set, of the kind that you get in TK Maxx. Nice, but not something I would use. I still have it somewhere, unopened and unused.

I don't moan about gifts though (other than the literal junk my nan used to foist on me) because I don't get any other than from husband and SS.

@OuiOuiKitty

Some people can't afford to just go out and buy whatever they want whenever they want. Perhaps these gifts will be the only 'treats' they will get in a year. I can see why it would be disappointing seeing money wasted on awful gifts when you know it could have covered the cost of whatever it was you really want but can't afford.

Totally this! I am really lucky I am now in a position to buy the things I would like, most of the time. But there certainly have been plenty of times when I wasn't.

I think it depends. There's a thread on here where a dh has bought his dw a Hoover, a hoover that he actually wants. I'd complain about that.

But I think adults just get a few bits n bobs, if they were complaining about not getting enough then I agree.

I’ve had 30 years of crap presents from DHs family. To be honest it gets a bit exhausting having to smile and pretend to be grateful.
DH has almost no relationship with one of his siblings but we are in this stupid routine of exchanging presents I think for show. We buy them something they want. They often buy us something they like. We are totally different people so I don’t like any of it. I feel done every year. Because we can’t say, that’s shit, it continues forever.

My FIL did in fact have a tantrum one Christmas because he didn’t get as many presents as his 5 year old GS. That was ridiculous.

We fell on hard times and were on the dole. I was wondering how to do Christmas on a tiny budget.

DF came up in early December that year, and brought presents. He told me to open mine before Christmas Day.

It was a Christmas pudding. A three pound weight Christmas pudding. There was just my famiky for Christmas, 2DC who didnt like CP, and me and DH, for whom I had a 2-person pudding for 80p.

Again, said nothing as he would have been hurt. But it was hard to feel so hurt myself.

To be clear, DF was not with us for Christmas that year.

It's more about respect and love (I think) than the grabbiness which seems to be how most people responding take it. A friendship that means something to you, family members you live, and husband, etc- then giving no thought to who you are and banging down a smelly set from boots, shoes a lack of thought and care for you. That's what upsets people. If that's all your family member/ friend could manage that's different. But being an afterthought, or even no thought, is upsetting. I'm not sure why that's hard to understand.

Had some lovely gifts some not so lovely, every year I get hand cream, never use it.
Bottle of wine, don’t drink,I smile regift and glad I’m thought of

On here there seems to be a very polarised view.

Can't buy:
Chocolates (too generic)
Anything practical (like the aforementioned hoover)
Anything that might be used by others in the family
Jewellery (unless you know exactly what they want)
Clothes (unless the above and you get the size right)
Books (they might have got it)
Anything cheap (even if it's something they like)
Anything expensive (because they'd have rather something else for that amount of money)
Anything from MIL (bound to be wrong)
etc.

I have to be honest and think that it's not actually the present that's the issue. When people are not in the best place with a relationship it's very easy to read into anything malice aforethought.

Some people are great at buying presents. Some people are terrible.
Some of the latter put great effort in, and still get it wrong. Some people don't bother putting any effort in at all.
I think the majority of times when the present ends up on here, it was probably bought either in innocence or in genuine thought that it was a good idea.

There was the year df told dm that he'd got her an amazing present and he couldn't wait for her to have it. He meant it. She nearly crowned him with it.
It was a book entitled something along the lines of "How to be a housework goddess and have time to do other things too."
He'd thought it was perfect. She did not.
There was no nastiness involved. It was a pity that he'd mentioned so often that he'd got a fantastic present. But then df's idea of a perfect present would be a box of wall plugs or a can of varnish.

There was a poem I learnt at junior school:

When Bill gives me a book, I know
It's just the book he wanted, so
When I give him a ping-pong set
He's sure it was what I hoped to get

So after Christmas we arrange
A little Christmas gift exchange
I give the book to Bill, and he
Gives back the ping-pong set to me

So each gives twice and that is pleasant
To get the truly wanted present.

And there's a lot of truth in that. If you would like a practical gift, then you'll tend to give them.

I’m a bit shocked at some of the fuss made tbh.

I do get it for some people... I think sometimes women do all this work to make Christmas day special for everyone and then when it comes down to it no one puts the effort in with them back.. I do think that's sad and I can understand why some women get upset. When they've gone to all that trouble and everyones all happy opening their fantastic gifts but their husband didn't get them anything and their mil got them a pair of socks.. its sad

Its strange reading all the gifts that have upset people because I'd be so happy with all that.. I love toiletry sets as long as they are of reasonable quality, don't need to be expensive... I love all scented candles..I love wine... I love fluffy socks etc etc

When my in laws asked for a gift idea for me and I said 'just get a generic toiletry set from boots' they refused saying it wasnt personal enough... and I was actually really sad because tbh id be really happy to get one of those in a box

I tried to make no gift pacts with everyone this year, said I would just be buying for the children. Nonetheless DP and I have been given a ton of bath products - we have a lovely shower, and bathe about once a year - and a large quantity of loose tea that neither of us likes. I do struggle to feel grateful being landed with stuff you have to figure out how to get rid of.

It depends. Some people just give any old shite without a second thought, and that pisses me off - I'd rather get nothing.

But if someone genuinely thought you'd like something, and it just didn't quite hit the mark, that's different and I wouldn't make a big deal of it.

The threads I've seen have been where the woman has done all the organising, presents for both sides of the family, got the food in etc etc etc

And he's got her nothing.

If you're in a family where where adults do buy for each other. Then that's just shit.

And what does it teach the kids? When they sit around and all open their presents and mum has nothing to open. Having bought and wrapped all the gifts being opened.

Princessy? I don't think so.

I'm endlessly amazed at what some men think is ok, and what some women put up with.

I agree with you. I'm grateful for anything I get, and if it really isn't to my taste (but still nice) I will donate it to a charity shop - as long as the giver doesn't live anywhere nearby. If it's something useful then I'm happy with it. Some people act like spoilt children. When did people become so entitled?

Just be happy you enjoy your gifts, and let people vent if they want

People "venting" about unwanted gifts to hundreds of random strangers say a lot more about themselves than the gift giver!