Adults complaining about presents

[elleps]

Does anyone else find this absurd? Or have I just been lucky to like any gift I’ve had?

I find it so distasteful and embarrassing. If there’s something you really want surely you get it yourself anyway! Of course it’s nice receiving a gift but the drama over not getting exactly what you wanted... I don’t get it!

@Brefugee I wasn’t referring to threads on here specifically. Gifts in general are just that - gifts. If someone hasn’t bought what you wanted and you’ve not made it clear what you’d like then what do you expect?!

Totally agree op

If it is purposefully rude or symptomatic of a wider lack of consideration then I get it.

Otherwise, I think we need to understand that sometimes people are just shit at gifts. And some people are great at it. The shit gifts don't mean they don't care.

Also, I was taught by my mother that even if I hated a gift or already had one, I must never ever ever appear anything but pleased, because it is the thought which counts.

@DeciduousPerennial agree, gift psychology is very interesting. it is such a strong theme in our surrounding imagery and underpins capitalism maybe of that isn't too extreme/up itself. so if someone gets it wrong (brown necklace, anti-aging cream etc) we are kind of programmed to spiral.

Hmm, that other thread on here where op is complaining about a hoover? I'd be pissed if my husband bought me a household appliance and whinge. A lot.

If someone is complaining a present isn't right might be ungrateful, but fuck all thought cos they can't be arsed - that's shit and deserves a vent.

Adults writing lists is another thing I find baffling. Christmas and list for Santa are for children. I buy myself some nice things I woukd like in December and give them to DH who wraps them.up and puts them under the tree from him and the DC. I get things I like and need. Win win. I don't get all the emotional angst about crap presents. I don't feel less loved because I order things I'd like / need. DH is crap at buying presents, always has been, always will be. He has a lot of other positive points. Not least of which is he cooks the entire Xmas lunch and clears up, while I relax on the sofa and watch TV.

My PIL got my DC the same gift they bought him last year. It was shit last year and it's even more so this year as an unwanted duplicate. It's just sheer laziness that two grown adults cannot remember what they got their grandkids last year, don't you think? Even more so when we mentioned to them that it had fallen apart by boxing day.

I wish they had saved their £5 and not bothered.

Yes, I find myself rather shocked by some of the Princessy attitudes on here.
Not only re presents but to DHs. Some DHs are indisputably awful like the one who wouldn’t eat Xmas lunch at the table but with others it seem like they can’t do right for doing wrong, such as the one who took the DC downstairs and let him open his stocking or the one who proposed in a really sweet way but it wasn’t the hearts and flowers the Op wanted.
I’m single and I think a lot of posters just don’t realise how lucky they are.

Gifts in general are just that - gifts. If someone hasn’t bought what you wanted and you’ve not made it clear what you’d like then what do you expect?!
I expect people who know me to use their common sense.
One of DH's aunties (childhood family friend type aunties) went through phase of buying him really random items that were of no use to him or our household. It was evident that they'd seen something, liked it for themselves or seen it on offer and bought it to go in a generic gift cupboard.

It has never crossed my mind to tell family members not to buy me a make-up gift set, or a voucher for an expensive shoe shop, a set if espresso cups, or some random plastic planters that are too big for my patio because they are close family and they know none of those gifts are very me.

@JovialNickname

I agree I find it very strange and embarrassing! I think it's part of the whole infantilisation of society that we have today. Grown adults wailing like small children because they didn't like their present.

Totally.

I would find an adult whinging about a present absolutely ridiculous.

I don't care about what I haven't been given, I don't get all the people whinging that they are disappointed about presents. I wouldn't care if I got nothing.

@Treeerex that sucks. are they nice irl as in not at Xmas? if so laugh it off?? I've been thoughtless with presents when I've been in the wrong headspace and just hope to god i have been forgiven!

@OuiOuiKitty

Some people can't afford to just go out and buy whatever they want whenever they want. Perhaps these gifts will be the only 'treats' they will get in a year. I can see why it would be disappointing seeing money wasted on awful gifts when you know it could have covered the cost of whatever it was you really want but can't afford.

I agree with this.. 🎄🎉

I get annoyed because every year I tell (not ask) people not to buy me anything, and still they insist on it. I don't want a tacky handbag, clothes I didn't pick, bath salts or chocolates. But still, I thank them nicely and regift it.

in the past I've given gifts based on how I think recipient 'should' look, which colours or pastime they might enjoy etc, its a chance which I have got wrong. was I well intentioned or secretly critical of them?

I would never complain about a gift as an adult. However, inwardly I have on occasions thought I’d rather not have a gift at all if I’m given something totally unsuitable.
Today for instance I opened my secret Santa ( our larger extended family of which I’ve been a part of for nearly 20 years) and it was a bottle of wine. I’m completely long term teetotal due to allergies and migraine caused by alcohol. My family all know this. I’d never make a comment but did think what on earth was he/she thinking of!

@DontStopThinkingAboutTomorrow weird isn't it. I remember by lovely granny saying she didn't want anything for her 90th but as a family we just couldn't not give her something!! there's something in it for the giver too, definitely. they need to feel kind or generous or that it puts you in a humbled position somehow, it goes really deep.

stovetopespresso
It depends.
Buying someone a scarf in a colour that's different but complimentary to the colours they normally wear isn't going to come across as secretly critical.
Buying something that they might enjoy because of a related hobby (for example if someone likes board games getting them a different type to try) isn't an issue.

Buying equipment for a hobby that they don't do because you think they'd enjoy it, or a cardigan in a style totally different to what they normally wear would probably get a polite thank you from most people and then it wouldn't get used.

I think you were wasting money on things that people don't want.

I want lots of things, i am VERY easy to buy presents for. But i hate waste (money and resources) so i like to make a list (which was hilariously long this year) going from wildly expensive stuff to cheap things that i either need or want and wouldn't bother buying for myself. Or something that i would buy for myself, but a better or more luxurious version. DH or the DC are happy because they're getting something i will use, and I'm happy because i get something i want, but it's still a surprise because i have no illusions that i will get everything on the list.

We all do that, and it works very well for us. But I loathe getting something i can't use or don't want. Vouchers for an experience are the absolute worst things I've ever got, or clothing in a colour i will never wear (not difficult, i never grew out of my goth phase)

@LolaSmiles its that grey area between the 2 which is the interesting part though and the motivation behind it. and the godawful waste to the planet!!

Gift - noun. something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favour toward someone, honour an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.

The family of a friend, known for many years, have now all stopped buying for her as she is so fussy about what she receives yet her own presents for others are appalling and she gets upset and calls them ungrateful if they don't fawn enough on receiving them.

I buy her a token present or regift her something which I hope she appreciates but I no longer mind if she doesn't. I got tired of the inequality in the costs of our gifts for each other and now buy her something of an equivalent value. I also no longer make effusive thankful remarks about her presents for me. I think the lack of honesty when gifts are exchanged fools some people into believing that their mediocre, cheap gifts are acceptable and that we don't notice the cost disparity. If you spend £5 on them but ask for something that costs at least double that value then it does cause resentment - especially if you have no money issues and could well afford it.

It really isn't getting ito the spirit of Christmas at all is it?

I think it's fine to vent on MN but definitely not in RL.

People used to get things at Christmas that were genuinely treats that they wouldn't otherwise get. This is not the case for most adults today.

I genuinely don't understand why buying for adults is still a thing. I tell people not to buy anything for me as there is genuinely nothing I want/need, but on another thread I was told that this was a really selfish attitude.

I'd add to OP that it's not just adults complaining about gifts they got but adults complaining that their lovely thoughtful gift that they spent lots of time choosing did not get a sufficiently rapturous reception. Which to me says, it perhaps wasn't as thoughtful as they thought it was. It does feel that gift buying is more about the person buying the gift than the person getting it.

stovetopespresso
You're right.
I read somewhere that over 50%/75% (something high) of presents given at Christmas are discarded within 6 months.

Someone else shared a photo of plastic vs chocolate in a typical selection box. I'd imagine the same is true of those toiletry gift sets that are on 3 for 2.

The waste caused by compulsive gift giving and festive shopping is worrying.

maybe in today's over consuming world a list is the way to go. I drop clanging hints which don't always work!!