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Original poster

AIBU - friends pay?!

102 replies

TrousersTea · 18/12/2020 20:48

NC as worried I might be recognised as this is quite specific. My close friend has recently been promoted. It’s a job shes worked hard in and it’s deserved. Because of Covid though, she’s not getting the pay rise she expected. During a zoom call with her today she commented that she would have to make other plans to try and pay more of the mortgage off now as things are not looking as good as she thought they would at this level in her job. I know that she was previously on 65k so it will have gone up slightly from this, probably more like 68 rather than the 75 she was wanting. We both live in the midlands/north so it’s not like she’s paying London prices.

I don’t want to sound bitchy but this comment has made me annoyed. She lives alone and I live with my partner but even together we earn only slightly more than her! We don’t even live in as nice a house. AIBU here or missing something about living alone?! I feel like it was quite insensitive, I’m the lower earner in our house and couldn’t even imagine earning 50k let alone close to 70, which she knows.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 18/12/2020 20:51

I don’t understand, she’s not allowed to comment like this to you?

Are you just envious and being a bit bitter snd not a very nice friend?

glitterelf · 18/12/2020 20:52

I don't understand your bitterness you've said your combined income is slightly more than hers so what's your issue?

thewinkingprawn · 18/12/2020 20:53

Well going up a few ‘000 won’t make much difference at that level and tax bracket so perhaps she had expected to get more with a promotion that would make an actual difference. You never know what is going on for people financially whatever they tell you.

burnoutbabe · 18/12/2020 20:54

Seems a reasonable thing to Moan about, getting a promotion but not a pay rise.

At higher pay, you get less of it due to tax. And if single it's all on you for mortgage and pension etc. So you would be disappointed not to be able to save more.

Original poster
TrousersTea · 18/12/2020 20:54

Because she’s complaining about being on circa 65k at the least. She knows I will never earn close to that. Just thought it was insensitive, hardly living in poverty is it !

OP posts:
Goingtogetflamed · 18/12/2020 20:54

Sounds like a reasonable comment to me. She wasn’t saying she didn’t earn a good wage, just that she needs a new plan.
To be honest OP you sound jealous.

RandomMess · 18/12/2020 20:56

She may earn a lot but she clearly has either a huge mortgage or other debts.

Viviennemary · 18/12/2020 20:56

YANBU. A lot of people would like to have her problems. What a pain.

Saz12 · 18/12/2020 20:57

Most people moan to friends about stuff that isn’t a real problem. Sounds like she wasn’t saying “poor me I’m skint” so much as “bummer, I thought I’d get a higher salary”.

Original poster
TrousersTea · 18/12/2020 20:58

Nope she has paid off half her mortgage and house worth nearly double ours! I just thought given she knows our situation it was a bit of a crass comment. I’m clearly wrong about that based on this thread though !!

OP posts:
Hwory · 18/12/2020 20:58

She said she's having to make other plans now she's not getting the pay rise she thought she was getting. From the promotion YOU admit she worked hard for.

If you can't talk to your friends who can you talk to? Only ones that make more money then you?

I don't make more than 20K but I don't demand my friends censor themselves.

Monkeypeas · 18/12/2020 20:58

She’s not complaining about ‘only’ getting £65k Though is she?
She’s upset that she’s missing out on the salary that would normally come with the promotion she’s worked hard for.

The numbers shouldn’t matter, and you being on a lower salary (but hardly poverty levels either) shouldn’t mean she can’t talk to you about it.

From what you wrote, she didn’t even mention figures so she wasn’t rubbing your nose in anything

YakkityYakYakYak · 18/12/2020 20:59

I can see why she would complain about not being paid a fair rate for her promotion.
And a salary of £65k is great but doesn’t go so far if you’re having to pay a mortgage, bills, etc by yourself.

Original poster
TrousersTea · 18/12/2020 20:59

Suppose so, it just seems like a huge salary to someone like me, trapped in a 25k job!

OP posts:
Amerimoon · 18/12/2020 21:02

Why shouldn’t she comment on her disappointment? She’s your friend, try not to be bitter.

Monkeypeas · 18/12/2020 21:02

@TrousersTea

Nope she has paid off half her mortgage and house worth nearly double ours! I just thought given she knows our situation it was a bit of a crass comment. I’m clearly wrong about that based on this thread though !!
What situation? You And your partner bring home More than £65k between you? That’s not exactly a shit wage.

You don’t have as nice a house! So? That’s not her fault. She’s paid off half her mortgage on a nice house alone.
She’s probably had nights of stress about it when she’s wished she had someone to share the burden of the bills with.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 18/12/2020 21:06

You sound jealous.
You say your household income is slightly more than that. In reality it will be more given the tax thresholds two people earning a combined salary will earn more than one person earning the same salary.
She may have a more expensive house but she’ll may have less disposable income than you. So is it really about what she has achieved or what you haven’t?

ISeeTheLight · 18/12/2020 21:06

You realise that her take home pay will be less as she'd taxed higher (and won't qualify for any benefits or child benefit) than yours combined? It makes quite a big difference. And she has every right to be annoyed to be given a promotion but not a rate of pay that's equivalent to the role. You sound jealous, what's stopping you from retraining and/or furthering your career?

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/12/2020 21:07

She’s not complaining, she was having a chat with her “friend”. You’re not in poverty either, not on 25k and especially not with a combined income of more than hers. Do you think you’re insensitive posting how well off you are when some people on here inevitably earn less than you?

Count your blessings. And if you don’t like her stop pretending to be her friend. I’d be livid if one of my friends was slagging me off on a forum.

Clevererthanyou · 18/12/2020 21:08

It would be disappointing if you worked your bum off for a promotion and then didn’t get the full benefits of that promotion tbf Op but I do see where you’re coming from. Perspective and a little humility go a long way.

Clevererthanyou · 18/12/2020 21:09

And I say that as someone with a combined income of £20k a year, that’s my wage and my husband’s.

FizzyPink · 18/12/2020 21:09

I think it’s a shame she can’t mention this to you without you taking offence.
I earn more than a lot of my friends do but not loads more and they just choose to spend their money on things whereas I save quite a lot which is totally fine. But I quickly learnt not to mention the fact that I’m about to buy a house because it just results in “oh I could never afford to buy a house” type comments. It does make me sad they’re not happy for me

TrainspottingWelsh · 18/12/2020 21:11

Everything @Monkeypeas said. Do you resent your dh earning upwards of £15k more than you do or is it just single females you feel this way about?

BeanieB2020 · 18/12/2020 21:13

You already said you have more income than her with you and your partner combined so I'm not sure what "situation" you're in with money that she should recognize. Of course she's disappointed if she's getting more responsibility and more work without the level of compensation she deserves to be getting.

ZenNudist · 18/12/2020 21:14

You seem to know too much about her finances. If she is telling you this then she lacks discretion and it's frankly not very classy. I've never told friends what I earn. Is it insensitive? Maybe. But if you're good friends maybe she felt she could whinge at you. I think its reasonable to tell you about having a promotion but shitty pay rise. If she works hard and her job is her life then it's likely to be very important to her. I think if she's told you amounts and what her house is worth and how much shes paid off her mortgage then that's insensitive and crass.