AIBU - friends pay?!

[TrousersTea]

NC as worried I might be recognised as this is quite specific. My close friend has recently been promoted. It’s a job shes worked hard in and it’s deserved. Because of Covid though, she’s not getting the pay rise she expected. During a zoom call with her today she commented that she would have to make other plans to try and pay more of the mortgage off now as things are not looking as good as she thought they would at this level in her job. I know that she was previously on 65k so it will have gone up slightly from this, probably more like 68 rather than the 75 she was wanting. We both live in the midlands/north so it’s not like she’s paying London prices.

I don’t want to sound bitchy but this comment has made me annoyed. She lives alone and I live with my partner but even together we earn only slightly more than her! We don’t even live in as nice a house. AIBU here or missing something about living alone?! I feel like it was quite insensitive, I’m the lower earner in our house and couldn’t even imagine earning 50k let alone close to 70, which she knows.

I do think there are certain things you can't complain about to certain people. For example if you've gone from a size 10 to a size 12 don't moan to your mate who's never been smaller than a size 20. If your Christmas bonus was £90k when you were expecting £100k don't complain about it to your friend who was just made redundant and is looking for minimum wage work. If your husband got you roses for valentine's day when he should have known you prefer tulips don't complain to your friend who's going through an awful divorce.

That said in this case OP there doesn't seem to be a huge financial disparity between you. You're not struggling and actually with two incomes you're paying less tax and arguably in a much more financially secure position than her. I'm sure she sees no reason to think you'd be sensitive about pay.

@nosswith

I never would discuss my salary with a friend or even my mum. I am certainly not going to discuss it here. What I think is insensitive is anyone complaining about not getting a pay rise at a time when millions have lost or will lose their jobs due to the pandemic, or indeed the parts of the economy such as high street retailing that were struggling beforehand.

This attitude does annoy me.

Surely for every problem every person can have there is always someone worse off. Is your argument really that Unless you have lost your job you can’t moan to your friends about work?

Where does it stop?
Unless you are terminally ill you can’t complain about your health?
Feeling a bit down? Keep your mouth shut unless you are on the verge of suicide?
Feeling lonely because of lockdown? Shut your mouth, at least you have a family to miss?
Being bullied at work? Stop boasting that you have a job.

People are allowed to grip and grumble to their friends about the things that are going. On in their lives.

They don’t have to be the most extreme of problems, and to doesn’t mean they don’t care about people who are worse off.

It’s not as if her friend had just been made redundant - that would have been insensitive.