Does anyone else thinking getting married at 18 is insane?!

[MemorisingHamilton]

My lovely MIL got married when she was 18. I look at my DD (17) now and the thought is beyond preposterous

My parents married at 21 4 months after graduation. They were happily married for 50 years before my dad died. Mil was 19
(Fil 23) when they married and it's 52 years on now and still going.

The generation before were married later because of the war (in my family at least they all waited until it was over). Marriages all bar one much less successful with only my paternal grandparents lasting at all.

So whilst not exactly teen marriages, I have good examples of early marriage.

I got married in my late 20s so looking at that graph posted up thread, the least likely to get divorced. Coming up to 20 years married soon and seems to be going ok so far.....::

I'm in my mid 60s got married at 22 which was pretty standard at the time amongst my friends but unusually my mum and dad didn't get married until they were 30 which was totally odd for the time.
We bought a house just before we married but didn't live together. It just wasnt the done thing. DS is 28 and unmarried but has lived with his partner for 3 years. They are talking about buying a property together in the future but never mention marriage. There is no way he'd have been ready for marriage at 18.

Personally yes. At 18 I knew three fifths of FA. I still know three fifths of FA but at least now I know that about myself.

In this day and age yes but years ago it was one of the only ways young couples could have sex!

@aeiouaeiouaeiou yeah, or to legitimise a baby.

My parents were older with older parents themselves..... my grandmother was born in 1910, it was "hidden" for two years until her mum was 16 and old enough to marry a friend of hers, move area and pass themselves off as older and the baby as his. lovely boy who brought my Nan up as his own. We only found out on her death that she was actually two years older than she was and my dads grandad wasn't actually blood related!

My own dad was married to his first wife at 16 due to pregnancy (1950s). It was very common.

[quote BurtleTurtle]@Respectabitch I agree that people should be aware of the risks of any big decision before they decide whether to undertake it. That said, I think blanket-discouraging early marriage is a bad idea, because there will always be a minority of people for whom it works really well.

Since marrying, both DH and myself have encountered people who have told us about someone they dated when younger, but broke it off because they were told by friends and family that they were "too young" and have been told hw they regret it. It wasn't something we expected to encounter, but has happened again and again. Early marriage is not for everyone, but those who it suits shouldn't be discouraged.

Marriage isn't at all necessary for independence. Nor does a healthy marriage stop you from entering post-18 education.

I loved going to uni alongside my spouse. I loved having adventures together, having someone to read and critique my coursework, and knowing that no matter how good or bad my day was, there was someone at home who loved and adored me regardless. It was right for us, and it is also right for some other people too.[/quote]
And you don’t think that people told you they regretted not marrying their teenage sweetheart were saying it because they felt they had to say something, and it was politer than ‘Gosh, if I’d married at that age, I’d be married to Emo Goth/Pimply Gary’?

I married at 18, went to university, bought a house when I qualified at 21, had first baby at 23 and second at 26. Had a lovely 8 years at home with them then went back to my career.
I'm 38 next year we are still very happy together just a couple of years left on the mortgage.
I don't regret it for a minute, I don't mind if my DD follows in my footsteps or not - it is her life.
However I sincerely hope she doesn't have a trail of partners or babies out of wedlock. I would like to think she won't but again it is her life.
Personally I find the thought of lots of partners and shagging around absolutely repulsive but I won't judge you if you don't judge me.

Well... DD and DSIL have been together since before their 20th birthdays, they have had DGS, moved 250 miles, set up house and both hold down responsible jobs. They have the aura of two people who will make it to the diamond anniversary.

Your Mil is of a different era, my mum and dad ran away to get married at 18 back then you had to be 21 to get married without your parents permission. My mum and dad were married 50 + years til my dad died. It happens even now....my ds is 18 now I can't see him doing it he is young ....

Most people are better off prioritising education, working, and other opportunities over the relationship they are in at 18.

Yeah, I'm another who doesn't think this makes much sense, as marriage doesn't suddenly mean you can't also focus on your career, education etc. Many people of 18+ will be in relationships - are you saying nobody of the age of 18 should be in a relationship as it will get in the way of their education, job, etc? Fair enough if so, I suppose, but I suspect very few people actually think that.

Like PP me and DH definitely benefited academically and socially during our A-Levels and degree studies from being a couple. Being married or not married would have made no difference to that admittedly. But then that's my point, not sure why marriage itself is being talked about as the issue, how is that different practically from any other serious, long term, exclusive, cohabiting relationship? A marriage, like any other relationship, can be ended after all.

I married at 18 had first baby at 19. Still together.

That first baby is turning 18 in a couple of months and i think no way he is so young. He to me is still a child i just couldn't imagine it.

Yeah, I'm another who doesn't think this makes much sense, as marriage doesn't suddenly mean you can't also focus on your career, education etc. Many people of 18+ will be in relationships - are you saying nobody of the age of 18 should be in a relationship as it will get in the way of their education, job, etc? Fair enough if so, I suppose, but I suspect very few people actually think that.

People do make choices and prioritise in life, we all have to. What to pick if things conflict, how to allocate time and attention. And some people - and, I think, especially young women - end up prioritising relationships over personal development at that age and it often doesn't serve them. They don't go away to uni because their bf/gf lives here. They don't take a job in another area because ditto or because their bf/gf doesn't like the idea. They don't travel because their OH can't afford it or they'd miss them too much or whatever, and yes I know not everyone gets the chance to travel and go away to uni etc.

That is not at all the same as saying no one can have a relationship at 18. But most 18yos will be disadvantaged by putting that relationship above other opportunities, which marriage often obliges you to do, indeed it's in large part a statement that you're willing to, because those 18yo relationships generally aren't particularly strong and generally don't last.

None of this stops two people who have truly found their soulmate who strengthens them and so on from staying together at 18 or indeed getting married, nobody can stop them if they're dead set on it. But why rush? You can still be each other's inspirational soulmate without a ring.

I agreed @Respectabitch. and I say that as someone who's been with the same man since we were 19 year old students -- though we didn't marry or have a child until our 30s.

We were outliers in that we never allowed our relationship to limit us at all -- we both lived in different countries, pursued jobs in other countries, did multiple postgrad degrees, moved around the world together on a couple of occasions, did a lot of fun travel, switched fields, and generally encouraged one another. We're both from similar poor backgrounds, with no history of even staying at school past 15, so I think we pushed one another on, maybe beyond what either of us would have achieved alone. I think we've had more interesting and varied lives than either of us would have had outside of the relationship, and, after almost 30 years together, we both feel we have a lot of interesting things still to do.

But I recognise that this is actually fairly rare. My sister is a classic example of someone who let an early relationship limit her life. She met her boyfriend in Freshers' Week, made no other friends at all, and it immediately became an intense, total bubble which saw them travelling to campus together, spending all day together, picking one another up from lectures, doing the same MA and the same TEFL diploma, and then working abroad together. When after 15 years he left her out of the blue, she had literally no one else in her life at all.

I think dh and I were more adventurous for being together, not less.

It is a lot less daunting to pack up and go live in another country if you are doing it together than alone.

Similarly it is much less scary to take risks in your career if you know someone else can cover the bills while you find your feet.

Mum and Dad got married when Mum was 18. Dad has tolerated her well for 51 years (shit didn't realise that).

I got married at 21 and was divorced by 25 🤣 I'm not a great advert for marriage though. I'm on my third now. First two were cheating scum bags.