Does anyone else thinking getting married at 18 is insane?!

[MemorisingHamilton]

My lovely MIL got married when she was 18. I look at my DD (17) now and the thought is beyond preposterous

My husband and I married at 21 and have been together 21 years total with 3dc, I certainly didn't invision when we got together at 16 that we would get married but we have worked so I wasn't going to throw away what we had because we were young.

Surely it depends on the people concerned; their level of maturity; their ability to make (and understand the consequences of) life-changing, long-term decisions and to know what they want out of life?

Marrying young used to be far more commonplace a few generations ago than it is today. In those days, moving in with a partner before marriage was massively frowned upon. Had I done that, my parents would have ostracised me. As it was, I never so much as entertained the idea.

I was 16 when I met DH and 20 when I married him. My sister met her DH when she was 15 and married him at 18. Another family member met her DH when she was 19 and married him at 21. All 3 of us are now in our 60s and still married.

I think young people nowadays are children for far longer than we were. My generation left school at 15 or 16 and entered the workforce. We grew up much earlier then.

Pre- versus post-pill is the real game changer I think.

If its what you want to do then do it - but accept the consequences. It can work fine.

I got married at 16 and still together 17 years later and have 5 wonderful children. I still experienced life and traveled but got to share it with my soulmate.

Sopping I know but true. X

My mother and father married when they were 18 and 19. Had me at 21 and 22, my sibling two years later and divorced two years after that!

Knowing them both now (they are both in their late fifties) it seems utterly astonishing to me that they were ever together. They are such different people I can't see how they were ever well suited but evidently they were, for a short time.

I remember thinking I would marry my boyfriend at 19. I was so in love with him. I'd have done it without any second thoughts given the money and opportunity. Thank god we had neither!

I think most (not all, but most) people are still essentially immature at 18. No life experience. I wouldn't be happy with either of my daughters wanting to marry under 25 really.

Married at 21 upon graduation and celebrated our 17th anniversary in summer

I think it's luck, circumstances and the level of commitment from both parties. Why not if you think it's the right person? Nobody can really tell whether you grow closer or further apart with time.

In the 70s and before, most people left school at 15/16 so getting married at 18/19 would be equal to someone having a gap year/going to Uni/doing a masters getting married at 25. Also it was unacceptable to live together and, not going away to study, meant much less likely to leave home to flat share etc. Marriage was the only way to leave home for most.
I got married at 19 and was a bridesmaid to my 18 year old friend. We both divorced. Most friends married around 21 to 24, with those who went to teacher training college/nursing studies marrying when they graduated. The majority of people I know of my age group are divorced (often remarried).
None of my children have married.

I dislike it when people make arbitrary judgements about the entire population at a certain age because of who they were at that age. People are individuals, the hot water that softens the potato hardens the egg, so to speak

Well, we do know one thing with some clarity: you are much, much more likely to get divorced if you marry at 18 than if you marry between 25 and 40. And on that basis, it's hard to see why early marriage should now be encouraged. It's not necessary to marry to leave home and establish an independent adult life. Most jobs of the future will require skill and knowledge that need to be acquired through post-18 training.

Potatoes and eggs? Is that the same as 'horses for courses'?

I met dh at 17, engaged at 18, married at 20.
Just celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary.

It can work.
But I wouldn't recommend my DDs follow in my footsteps. In fact, dd the other day said she'd 'Won' compared to me and when I asked why, she replied that she was going to be 20 soon and wasn't engaged to anyone.

Yes i agree. I got married just before i turned 19 but even tho we are still going strong ( im 29) we were far to young to settle. Silly that 16 yr olds can marry too

I married at 17, I think I was ready for it, unfortunately the drunk I married wasn't. I guess the big issue was me not recognising his problem but although I'm teetotal I come from a family of drinkers so it didn't seem unusual.

I think times have changed and we're all a bit more picky generally (which is a good thing). I married at 33 which seemed quite normal among my peer group, possibly the older end of average. By contrast my mother was one of the last of her peer group to get married, at an apparently ancient 26. Looking back up until my late twenties i was quite naive and for me at least it would have been an extremely stupid thing for me personally to get married until I'd properly grown up!

Agree that some people will be lucky enough meet the right partners young though and it can work out beautifully.

I don’t think gettin married young I the issue. I think starting the fmily early would cause more issues

@ancientgran

I married at 17, I think I was ready for it, unfortunately the drunk I married wasn't. I guess the big issue was me not recognising his problem but although I'm teetotal I come from a family of drinkers so it didn't seem unusual.

Out of interest, do you think with a little more life experience you might have made a different choice or do you think you would have always married him? I was "engaged" to an absolute twat when i was 17, and I've always wondered if i would still have fallen for him if we'd met at 25.

My parents married at 18 and we’re together until my mum died weeks before their 50th anniversary. I met my DH at 19, married at 22 and together now for 30 years. I was last to get married in my group of friends, 8 couples all married between 18 and 23, all of whom are still together bar one who divorced after 12 years.

I don’t think age alone determines whether a marriage lasts, knowing the commitment you’re making, the capacity for flexibility with each other, good communication and a continued common outlook on life are all entirely possible age 18-25.

I’d not write off a couple because their choices and life experiences are different to yours.

I got married at 21. Wouldn't encourage DS to do it.

Out of interest, do you think with a little more life experience you might have made a different choice or do you think you would have always married him? I was "engaged" to an absolute twat when i was 17, and I've always wondered if i would still have fallen for him if we'd met at 25. I think it is hard to say, I'm not sure I'd have been any better at judging the drinking issue. I think being used to heavy drinkers but not drinking at all myself meant I wasn't good at judging that issue. Back then living together wasn't really on, I think if I'd lived with him I might not have married him. I nearly left him within weeks of being married and I think the biggest issue was people were so against it that I couldn't face admitting they were right so we last 14 years and 2 kids. By the time I realised it wouldn't work I was pregnant so just felt I had to stay.

I do feel sad when I think of me at 17 and how unhappy I was. I found out he slept with someone in our new home the night before our wedding. She got to sleep in our bed before I did. I've always wanted my kids to know I am here for them no matter what, no judging.

Since marrying, both DH and myself have encountered people who have told us about someone they dated when younger, but broke it off because they were told by friends and family that they were "too young" and have been told hw they regret it.

Nobody's forcing anybody to break off a relationship that is promising at 18. The options aren't "get married" or "break up". Just hold off from making a serious binding legal commitment. Most people are better off prioritising education, working, and other opportunities over the relationship they are in at 18.

And also nobody is talking about making marriage at 18 illegal. Just being clear about a fact: it is rarely a good idea, and these days never a necessity.

Personally I don't understand why anyone would want to get married aside from being able to avoid inheritance tax.

Most people are better off prioritising education, working, and other opportunities over the relationship they are in at 18.

But marriage doesn’t affect these things. Getting married had no impact on my education, my job or any opportunities. It’s something that you can do in parallel. It’s not like, oh, I can’t apply for this promotion because I’m prioritising getting married.