Women who do it all...What is your routine?

[Reearry]

Women who are able to be on top of work, kids, hobbies, fitness, learning, grooming, social life, mental health... What is your routine? What time do you wake up? How much time do you spend on hobbies? How much time do you spend on fitness and grooming? How are you able to manage daily house management, work, kids and be able to have time for self development? What are the tips and tricks to be able to do keep on top of it everything?

we don't do it all, we appear to do it all.
or have shitloads of outside help.

Cannot agree more with pink. I once had someone tell me I had it all - in fact, we outsource as much as we can afford, and let many other things slide!

We probably look like we have it all. But the reality is I only work 3 days per week so that helps. We get up at 5am and go to bed at 9pm, so hobbies and exercise happen early or late around work and the children. We constantly take turns in order to get enough free time.

Literally nobody is on top of all those things. False economy

I don't have a routine. There aren't any 'tricks and tips' that I'm aware of other than common sense stuff like 'outsource and/or don't obsess about the shininess of your sinks' and 'don't marry an asshole who thinks cooking, cleaning and childcare can only be performed by people with vaginas'.

Work part time, couldn't manage it all otherwise.

So outsourcing jobs that you can ( afford to) and having a partner that pulls his weight are a definite requirement. I find a lot of women seem to be easily able to manage 3-4+ kids, doing very well at their career and looking very fit and well groomed. Have a great social life and mention hobbies and taking time to meditate, yoga, Pilates,etc. Surely it takes more than just outsourcing work + having a partner who pulls his weight? Even if you outsource all the cooking and cleaning, plus your partner pitches in equally.... How do you still manage to find time to meditate, workout, groom, work, socialise, take care of kids, spend time on hobbies. etc? Is there some sort of schedule to have everything keep working smoothly?

If you wait, one of the super rich, super successful, parent of multiple children, hob nobs with the great and good, is naturally a size 8 and gets stopped in the street to be told how beautiful they are, went to Oxbridge but doesn't like to brag, really care about the environment so only goes on 4 overseas holidays a year MNers will come along to give a tinly laugh and explain that really, it's not so hard, you just have to put your mind to it.

But everyone else will keep telling you the truth- no fucker has it all and does it all and that they do is pretence.

You can't know that many people like that, most people don't even have 3/4 kids so it's hardly like everyone is doing this.

Most people who are successful in their careers sacrifice something else- time with family, time spent on housework, time spend on self. They can buy in some of this- like a cleaner, gardener, but I don't know any working mum who is very successful who doesn't juggle like crazy and feel a bit neglectful at times- even the ones who are brilliant.

I have a friend who is super successful, two lovely kids, travels the world (in pre-corona times)- she has a partner who is at home working so can do pickups/school plays (she does what she can), doesn't spend a whole heap of time on self-care, stays up working til midnight and is permanently knackered.

How would people have time to have hobbies in the evenings, and four kids, and do lots of exercise, and have their hair done etc- think about it logically!

I look reasonably presentable, have a reasonable career, two children, home lived in but not dirty, but don't have a whole heap of time for hobbies/self-care/reading books as too tired most of the time and looking forward to bed. I'm acing it, frankly and even I don't do all the things in the OP.

The latest stats are women are doing more household chores and childcare in corona times than men, gap has widened, most people are muddling along.

You can’t. It’s the flaw of first wave feminism. Have it all became do it all. Women were expected to work and do all the stuff their mothers who stayed at home did and look fabulous too. I consider myself a feminist btw. It’s impossible to fulfill every role at the same time. Women who have lots of family support often find it easier.

I thought "having it all" was a myth sold to women in the 1980s by those women's magazines who like to make women feel bad about themselves?
I don't believe men are conditioned to aim to "have it all"...

I find a lot of women seem to be easily able to manage 3-4+ kids, doing very well at their career and looking very fit and well groomed. Have a great social life and mention hobbies and taking time to meditate, yoga, Pilates,etc.

I want to know more about who these women are, and what you mean by 'doing very well at their career'. For a start having four children, let alone more, is pretty rare these days...? And by the way you list 'grooming', Pilates, yoga, hobbies etc, you seem to be suggesting these are extremely time-consuming...?

I find a lot of women seem to be easily able to manage 3-4+ kids, doing very well at their career and looking very fit and well groomed. Have a great social life and mention hobbies and taking time to meditate, yoga, Pilates,etc

Where are these women? I think you'll find that there's far fewer than you imagine. In almost all cases, something will have given, as well as them having a lot of 'help' whether it is a fully 50/50 (or more) partner, or paid help. Or they will have hardly any sleep. Or they will work part time. Or they will be regimentally disciplined to the extent that they will never truely relax because they're constantly mindful of keeping to the schedule. There simply isn't sufficient hours in the day to fit in everything.

Perhaps some people just have a different definition of “everything” and “being on top of”: I often see posts on here where posters claim that “household admin” takes up a significant proportion of their time and list tasks such as paying bills, keeping track of outgoings, arranging insurance, booking holidays, organising Christmas, taking the car for MOT and waiting in for appliances to be delivered - the sort of stuff that probably takes me an hour or so a month averaged through the year, if that. I suspect that different people hear and think different things encompassed in “doing it all.”

I find a lot of women seem to be easily able to manage...

Where are you finding these women? Remember that you never see all of someone's life. If you're seeing on social media, they're only sharing the good bits. Even if this is a friend or a school mum you're probably not seeing the additional help, the nanny housekeeper, the mum who comes in three days a week to do all childcare, and the ball-dropping that may be happening behind the scenes.

@ComtesseDeSpair

Perhaps some people just have a different definition of “everything” and “being on top of”: I often see posts on here where posters claim that “household admin” takes up a significant proportion of their time and list tasks such as paying bills, keeping track of outgoings, arranging insurance, booking holidays, organising Christmas, taking the car for MOT and waiting in for appliances to be delivered - the sort of stuff that probably takes me an hour or so a month averaged through the year, if that. I suspect that different people hear and think different things encompassed in “doing it all.”

I think that's true, and I suspect the same goes for 'grooming'. I have my hair cut and coloured when it's needed, but I don't do manicures, pedicures, facials, waxing, Botox etc or have the kind of precision haircut that requires fortnightly trims or anything. It doesn't take up any significant time in my life. Nor do clothes -- I have pretty much evolved a 'uniform' capsule wardrobe that I like and that suits me. And I run for exercise, which doesn't take up much time, either.

Yes and also what is a "career". I know someone who sells Arbonne. She delights in telling us all how well she is doing in her career. Not quite the same time and expectation pressures as an oncologist (to pick a career at random).

I'm single and can't afford to outsource. I work full time. I squeeze in hobbies. The housework doesn't get done properly. No time for fitness or grooming. Mental health is poor.

I don't think it's possible to do it all. Outsourcing means you're not doing it all.

I am on top of my job (FT, crazy), learning and fitness, and jointly we are on top of our child, house, garden and animals.
I don't have a social life, meditate or do grooming.
We did have a cleaner before lockdown, but she stopped and with neither of us travelling its been ok.
It works out as ds is old enough to be left on his own, and though I work stupid hours I have flexibility when there aren't meetings. But the biggest thing that makes it work is that DH and I truly are a partnership and he's not afraid to say no to his work for family reasons (on a memorable occasion, work had to pay for ds to travel with him overseas as I was away and they demanded dh be somewhere but as we don't have overnight child care he said no)

@ComtesseDeSpair

Perhaps some people just have a different definition of “everything” and “being on top of”: I often see posts on here where posters claim that “household admin” takes up a significant proportion of their time and list tasks such as paying bills, keeping track of outgoings, arranging insurance, booking holidays, organising Christmas, taking the car for MOT and waiting in for appliances to be delivered - the sort of stuff that probably takes me an hour or so a month averaged through the year, if that. I suspect that different people hear and think different things encompassed in “doing it all.”

This.

Unless you get out the white gloves and germ sampling swabs a bathroom will look the same whether it was cleaned an hour ago or a week ago, so it's possible to have what looks like a reasonably spotless house without putting in a huge amount of time, especially if you keep up with a routine.

For those with clean and tidy houses they probably have a ruthless approach decluttering and things always being put away after use, plus naturally tidy or micromanaged partner and children. Again, extremely disciplined probably to the detriment of being able to relax or be spontaneous.

Finances and admin can be set to pretty much run itself if you want/need it to, but is probably going to cost more so maybe not suitable for people who want or need to save money - regular food delivery rather than shopping at Aldi, autorenewing on insurances, less shopping around, getting everything from Amazon Prime, which isn't always the cheapest source.

I know no one who manages all that and works full time, even with a partner.
No one.

Oh, and there is a direct correlation between 4+kids/managing everything and staying fit and thin...I'm so stressed and anxious that I can't eat/don't have time to eat! Echo everything the previous posters say.

Although I do find:
Waking up early before the kids get up (not so easy with ridiculous early risers);
Meal planning
Delegating tasks to kids (eg maintaining house tidiness)

Does help.

I'm a single parent to 4 (admittedly 1 is an adult) and I work full time from home. I get 5-6 hours of sleep a night, the kids have to help me daily with housework, I am not at all groomed, I eat rubbish and I'm always rushing from one thing to another. But my kids are happy, well fed, well educated, and we all adore each other.
I have two useless ex husbands because I have terrible taste in men, and my mum used to have the kids overnight pre Covid but doesn't now. I have no social life and I haven't read a book in years which is a shame.
Think Amy from Bad Moms - genuinely us mums who "have it all" barely have our shizzle together!

My DH isn't as useless as all DHs on mumsnet seem to be so we work together to raise 4 children and run our farm and business. The children join in with what we're doing on the farm or when working in the house, they help with cooking and cleaning and happily play together.

We're clever with our time and as we're not glued to our phones all day we have half an hour or so to ourselves once a day to do things like shower, yoga, sort our bedroom, etc. We multitask so while the slow cooker is on DH cleans the kitchen and I tidy the downstairs. The kids take care of tidying and cleaning their rooms and our youngest (10 months) is happy to roll around on the floor wherever we are. We homeschool the children, no nanny or tutor or cleaner. The kids are in bed by 9 and we have 2-3 hours to watch crappy tv. The key is working together, going with the flow and not wasting time mindlessly scrolling through instagram when there's dishes in the sink or a child in front of you who wants attention. We are fortunate that our work and the children's school is all at home so we don't waste time commuting and can be somewhat flexible in timings. We still fit the same amount of work in each day, just at different times.
We tried the strict schedule following but unless you've got babies or very young children following strict feeding and nap times kids are never going to follow that. (BTW I'm not a size 8, didn't go to Oxbridge and we don't holiday outside of the UK)

I'm not completely oblivious to the fact that this isn't possible for all families. I'm also not oblivious to the fact that many people rely on outsourcing to raise their kids, clean their homes and do their shopping but we don't need that so don't use it. We work hard to keep our kids happy and are privileged to give them everything they need.

It sounds to me like you are describing very rich women ? Or type A

I would describe myself as ‘having it all’ but it may be very different to another women’s idea of it