Women who do it all...What is your routine?

[Reearry]

Women who are able to be on top of work, kids, hobbies, fitness, learning, grooming, social life, mental health... What is your routine? What time do you wake up? How much time do you spend on hobbies? How much time do you spend on fitness and grooming? How are you able to manage daily house management, work, kids and be able to have time for self development? What are the tips and tricks to be able to do keep on top of it everything?

Same as PP, I cant think of one person who 'does it all'.

I probably look like I have it all together, have a good career, got a promotion this year, have a good car, building a new house, 2 kids are doing well.. but I have a childminder, a cleaner, I do my overtime once the kids are in bed in the evening, I rarely have time to socialise and my MH is in bits.

Only tips I could give would be to hire in as much help as you can. What my cleaner does in 3 hours a week would probably take me 6 hours to do. Also, getting my hair and nails done once a month helps me to look better than I feel.

Here is what i do and it looks like i have my shit 'together';
5:30: wake up and walk dog for 45mins - fast walk so counts as my cardio
6:20: quick shower and get hair/face ready for work
6:30 DH wake kids up, i do breakfast for dc while dh gets ready, then we do morning routine together of getting kids ready, we each have a room to do a surface level tidy and clean in the morning (move toys, wipe surface, nothing major), dc have school lunches so only pack fruit, veg sticks and water daily
7:15 drop kids to breakfast club type thing
7:45-8:30 commute - i will plan work, and do stuff to make my work day goes smoothly,
9-5 working, walk for 30mins over lunch break, again cardio, DH does school pick up 3 days a week as they have clubs and he can work whilst watching etc, 1 day a week after school club until 6 and 1 day a week with SIL
5-6 commute, i read as my hobby on way home, plan for home events
6-7 dinner with dc and dh, we meal prep, fast easy meals
7-8 time with dc/ as a family, homework, baths etc
8-9 washing up/ laundry/ other home stuff with dh, we do a lot together as its quicker and we talk lots
9-10 time with DH doing hobbies,

one week night we get to our selves so no chores etc after work so we have down time, it takes a lot of planning and having a partner who has same vision of life as you

I wasn't thinking of people on Instagram as I know that's extremely curated. I was thinking more of the women I know socially through my partner's or friends work. They are partners, managing directors, head of a business etc in banking, law, consulting, finance or tech. Obviously they have the means to outsource much of the admin when it comes to running the house and do so. One of them has a sahp which must be very helpful. But there are couples where both the partners are at the top of their career and have multiple kids, have individual hobbies be it golf, running marathons, crossfit, etc. I do not know how much time they spend with the kids or how their childcare is set up but by all accounts the kids seem to be happy and thriving. Perhaps, because I do not have the means that I am underestimating how much outsourcing of work helps. One of them mentioned that she wakes up 4:30 every day and that helps to keep top of everything. I was looking for more suggestions and routines of that sort.... Perhaps you are waking up earlier? Have two days a week where you take time to spend on grooming? Have alternate days where the partner takes care of the kids so you have time for hobbies?

I dont have a social life tbh. Manage to go out with friends a couple of times a year.

I dont drink much because it makes me tired.

Go to the gym with the boss and discuss issues while lifting weights (well in between).

Most shopping is delivered to house, including clothes shopping.

Cleaners comes two hours every two weeks which helps because I make everyone tidy up the night before.

At the end of the day, I have a demanding job but a flexible boss and a husband who puts kids to bed.

It is stressful but I love my job and I love earning my own money especially after five years of being skint!!

My top tip is plenty of sleep. Don't just lie on settee watching tv or scrolling through phone - go to bed to increase your overall productivity. Boring but true.

As you can see from reducingfootprint some people do squeeze a lot more out of a day.
I don't have little kids any more and used to say ooh when the kids are older I'll be able to do xyz. In fact I sit and watch TV a lot more! On my commute I read or go on mumsnet. I could prep for work. I don't. That's what I do with my time, the house is no cleaner, I am no fitter....
So I think as well as what everyone has said about help, you have to use your time really efficiently.

My SIL is a very senior member of staff at a posh law firm in London. Works full time but still manages to raise 3 children with her FT husband. The children go to a normal school, do after school club and then come home to have a normal evening with tv, home cooked meal and bath before bed. They're clever with time and work together to give each other time to themselves. SIL works from 9-6, BIL is 8-5 so SIL drops at school, BIL picks up. The children are happy and see their parents plenty. BIL goes fishing on the weekend while SIL has kids and on Sunday SIL meets with friends/goes shopping or to exercise class. They workout together at home when the kids go to sleep and both always look very put together. They also fit in volunteer work on weekends every now and then. I think it all comes down to working with your partner and compromising. If one partner isn't willing to take all 3 kids while the other goes out to meet friends because they're bitter, it's never going to work. Some people need to grow up and accept their responsibilities and make a plan instead of sitting around complaining

Some people have it all but nobody does it all.

Thank you for all your thoughts. I do waste a lot of time on social media and perhaps being more mindful of where I am wasting time will free up more time to spend on things I would like do to ..

Well, that's your answer then. You can wake up at 4.50, exercise, then get ready and live the rest of your day. I would feel physically sick and disoriented if I did that so I don't.

I think you have to know yourself, know your best times of day, so morning between 8-1 is my best time, and try to work with that.

If you are a lark, then early up and exercise could work, if you are an owl, then an evening run might work.

I think your post is difficult to answer because you seem to think there's some routine that anyone could follow, and to make your whole life transform- but in reality, most people are constrained by circumstances (where do you need to be, age of children, do you need to do drop offs, have you got a partner and how helpful are they) and they target specific goals (e.g. prioritise fitness but not socializing, love to socialize but don't do huge amount of housework, have cleaners/childcare).

If you focus on improving just one area of your life in very specific ways that might work, but how to have it all just sounds like a magazine article written by someone who doesn't have four kids!

I've managed to have a martial arts hobby by doing the classes with DD8. That combines a few things there of DD hobby, my hobby, keeping fit and spending time together!

I want to know whether others waste as much of their life as I have faffing online each evening. I feel so guilty.

You can keep track of that time using some app I believe.
But only if you want to! You don't have to 'have it all'!

I block social media when working from home except at lunchtime for 20 min and after work. That helps!

I mean this as a genuine question but are you talking about women who post a lot on Instagram (ie influencers or wanna be influencers?). If so then I know the kind of people you mean. However I’m pretty sure that they exaggerate a lot eg. Crapping on about how good meditation is for them whereas actually they just do 5 minutes of being zen every morning. But then plaster it all over insta the whole time.
I think some people also listen to audio books on their commutes which makes them sound like they have lots of spare time for hobbies/interests.
And then there’s loads of outsourcing like pp have said.

I have high expectations of myself so always trying to do this best, at times it is overwhelming as i get stressed out thinking i could be doing more but i want to lead a productive lifestyle

I've no social media and use mumsnet during tasks at work as a break, imo its down to time management

@Reearry

Thank you for all your thoughts. I do waste a lot of time on social media and perhaps being more mindful of where I am wasting time will free up more time to spend on things I would like do to ..

Being strict about how you spend your time is a great start and gets you into a better routine. You can still do your endless scrolling of mumsnet but you have to be clever with your time to fit it in. Try to be present with DC when they want you and when they're playing independently take 10 minutes to have a scroll! It's usually when the kids are watching a film or doing colouring that I look through mumsnet. Right now 2 are napping and 2 are playing with playdough in the same room as me and haven't said a word to me for 10 minutes. I'd put the phone down straight away if they wanted me though

It's bloody hard.
Both work full time, husband works in London so long commute each day.

2 kids at school, brilliant childminder.
Weekends taken up with housework, and kids football.
Just about managing to stay on top of things. Husband helps out when he is here luckily.

I'm not entirely sure anyone "has it all" and people prioritise different things.

For example, my social life has been fairly dormant in the past few years because we're raising children (one with significant additional needs) and felt the need to prioritise things like exercise and family time over social engagements.

I'm fine with this as it's a "season of life" and one day my priorities will change.

The main things that help me give the impression of a flawlessly smooth running life are :

DH and I tag team amazingly well and give each other breaks constantly (daily).

I'm future-me's best friend. I basically run my life a minimum of 24 hours ahead of real time.

School lunches are done the day before, fruit is prepped for children's afternoon's snacks, dinner is part of meal plan, home is reset and ready for night time routine, clothes and uniforms are laid out for the next day, running gear is ready for an early morning run etc. etc.

If I'm waiting for a meeting or at the school gates, I'm usually ordering food/gifts/clothes online or writing emails for life admin.
I listen to audiobooks when I run.

This means when something goes wrong (and it often does) I have plenty of time to correct it/address it, so less stress. This type of life doesn't suit everyone and I suspect most would find it stifling and boring, but it works for us and it allows me to have time for what I love.

@IBelieveInAThingCalledScience 100% agree, i do what i do to make my future self's life easier

Some people thrive on 5 hours sleep - one of my close friends is like this and so is one of her dc.

If you are someone who needs 8 hours then there is an extra 3 hours every day that people like my friend have. You can do a lot with that time.

Much can be done by tuning up your life to make it more efficient though
Eg minimise commuting time or commute in a way that allows you to work at the same time.
If you live super close to work and school and childcare this is helpful.
Have a hairdresser/beautician/masseuse visit your home regularly etc
The most efficient exercise is probably running and multitasking by listening to or watching something useful as you run.

The high achieving women I know do not cook regularly if at all.

*I'm future-me's best friend. I basically run my life a minimum of 24 hours ahead of real time.

School lunches are done the day before, fruit is prepped for children's afternoon's snacks, dinner is part of meal plan, home is reset and ready for night time routine, clothes and uniforms are laid out for the next day, running gear is ready for an early morning run etc. etc.

If I'm waiting for a meeting or at the school gates, I'm usually ordering food/gifts/clothes online or writing emails for life admin.
I listen to audiobooks when I run.

This means when something goes wrong (and it often does) I have plenty of time to correct it/address it, so less stress. This type of life doesn't suit everyone and I suspect most would find it stifling and boring, but it works for us and it allows me to have time for what I love.*

I love this! Definitely need to start doing it...I spent way too much time cooking and planning meals

Single mum of two here. I work 4 days. My house is clean and tidy as that's how I like it. Do one big clean a week top to bottom, 3 bed house takes about 2 hours.

I don't look groomed or stylish but always clean and clean clothes helps.

Zero time for hobbies. Kids will say I moan too much, but if I don't keep on homework would never get done.

I might get a life at some point

Outsourcing
Having a partner who actually pulls their weight/does their share
Doing things as they come up rather than procrastinating
Multi tasking (watch a film or have an audio book going while I do the ironing/cleaning/painting my nails/doing my hair)
Lowering my standards (no more trying to straighten my curly hair!)
Choosing my battles

As above - outsourcing, knowing what to let slide and partner pulling his weight. But no, I don't have a routine. I get out of bed at some point between 6.30 and 8 and leave the house at between 7.30 and 8 (when on a day shift). I decide on the day if we are using wrap around care (thank God for a school with adhoc breakfast and after school club), determined by our schedules for that day (e.g. Monday is swimming so one of us has to pick up that day). The lack of planning has been really, really liberating! I'm not hoovering up all that mental load and yet miraculously it all seems to get done.

I guess some people would think I have it all together. I have teenagers, a board level job, go to the gym three times a week, am doing a masters, have a very tidy house, get my hair and eyebrows done every 6 weeks, wear makeup every day, have read 35 books this year and I don't outsource any help.

It's a constant juggling act and relies on me being an equal partner with DH. It's also impossible until your kids are old enough to help - I did buy in help when they were younger. It's also impossible if your partner doesn't help.

I watch very little TV so I can read and I am very purposeful about social media (strict time limits, try to spot when I am just idly scrolling and stop).

I plan 4 weeks ahead with DH so we can spot clashes (we both travel for work, obviously not at the moment). We agree who is doing what based on workload. DH cooks, cleans, irons etc as do I. We have a central list of household jobs like car insurance and changing energy suppliers which get picked up by whoever has capacity at the time. Often these jobs are done in hotel rooms on work trips.

I don't shop - if it can't be delivered I don't buy it. I use this time to catch up with friends. I have a handful of close friends as we've moved around a lot for DH's career (he is v senior but in a niche field where jobs are not common or close together) and I try and catch up with one each week.

I push back on school all the time. I tell them that they haven't given enough notice for events and I ignore invites to lots of things. When they were in primary I used to ask them which thing they wanted me to be at and I tried to make that one happen.

I get up at 6am and I got to sleep at 11pm. I need 7 hours sleep to function. It's later on Friday and Saturday and I set my alarm for 8.30am.

I read on trains, when waiting for children, at appointments and I often buy text books on kindle to help with studying. I sometimes use commuting time for booking appointments or updating online grocery shops and meal planning.

Cleaning is done by the organised mum method - 30 - 45 minutes every weekday. The kids also have small jobs each day. Today I am cleaning the kitchen surfaces, DH is doing the kitchen floor, DD is cleaning the main bathroom shower and DS will be collecting all the towels and washing them. We do cleaning throughout the week and gave weekends off which gives me a 4 hour block of time for my masters.

Like I said, it's a constant juggling act.