Women who do it all...What is your routine?

[Reearry]

Women who are able to be on top of work, kids, hobbies, fitness, learning, grooming, social life, mental health... What is your routine? What time do you wake up? How much time do you spend on hobbies? How much time do you spend on fitness and grooming? How are you able to manage daily house management, work, kids and be able to have time for self development? What are the tips and tricks to be able to do keep on top of it everything?

By having a husband who does a genuine 50% share of the house and child work. Full time job but with flexitime. Low maintenance life.

sacking off anything I think is pointless nonsense

This is true. Especially letting myself off the hook when it comes to everything the primary school sends your way.

Things I’ve never done - packed lunches (school meals all the way - that’s 10 meals a week that aren’t on me), PTA and class rep activities, school drop offs and pick ups (I spent a lot on childcare).

It's all just excuses and making yourself a martyr when really you could have it all (or at least most of it) and not have to wake up at 4am to run for 3 hours.

I have a good career and study ATM as well. I have two DC. I have a social life and enjoy seeing friends. My hobbies are running and writing.
My "secrets" are:

• I work four days.
• I have a nanny.
• I have a cleaner.
• I have a pixie cut which needs fairly regular cutting, but minimal styling. I know what suits me for makeup and clothes. I only wear makeup in the office and when I go out. I don't really 'groom' and certainly don't devote significant time to it.
• DH pulls his weight. He does most of the cooking and meal planning. We share laundry and general household admin.
• I run during the workday, when I would otherwise be commuting, or in the evening when the kids are asleep. Or DH and I trade off to exercise at the weekend. We sometimes work out together at home.
• I write anytime I get a chance. In the evenings, when the toddler naps on my nonworking day, any time I have more than half an hour free.
• I focus my work and manage expectations. I have a supportive boss and work for a flexible company. I've chosen not to push hard for the next level in my career at this stage, which would mean longer hours. I study around work or in the evenings.
• I socialise in the evenings when the DC are in bed, or on the weekend when DH had the DC, or we often socialise as a couple with DC in tow.

I like my life a lot. It's rich and stimulating. But I often run a little short of sleep. It's a price I'm willing to pay.

I think as long as you like your life as it is, is there any need to add more things into it - just so that you can say you’re doing it all?

As I say, I can’t tick every single thing off that list, but not do I want to. And as per, a PP, my life is fun, busy and rewarding the way it is. If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it.

I knew someone like. She was quite middle class with a hands on husband. Both had jobs that,whilst well paid, didn't require work out with 9-5. 4 kids. Used to get up and jog before work then make pizza dough in the morning for pizza night on a Friday. Her and partner were just lucky to have good health, money and driven personalities. Also kids were teens when I knew her.

@Barmyfarmy

It's all just excuses and making yourself a martyr when really you could have it all (or at least most of it) and not have to wake up at 4am to run for 3 hours.

Yes, we should all homeschool on a farm like @Barmyfarmy, instead of being ‘glued to our phones all day’ and ‘scrolling mindlessly through Instagram’, which is clearly where the rest of us are going wrong.

I think I’m someone who finds it easy to ‘do it all’ (I work full time in a full-on job, exercise every day, volunteer a lot, socialise and I’m organised..good with remembering birthdays, being committed, not letting people down etc). I think there are a few things that make it possible. I don’t mean this smugly at all...these are just my observations:

• I don’t watch much tv at all. It’s never interested me. I fall asleep instantly when watching films and I lose the plot (as it were!) pretty quickly when watching a series. That 9-10pm kind of time in the evening when most of my friends are cuddled up with their husbands, I’m busy sorting laundry, tidying the kitchen, catching up on texts, just doing stuff.. I find being busy relaxing.

• The relationships in my life are all pretty smooth. I don’t have to give much headspace or emotional worry to my marriage / family relationships etc. That frees up a lot of mental space to get on with my life and do a lot.

• Genetics - my mum does heaps. She is super busy but organised. I’m kind of the same. I don’t know why but I just find it easy. I think it’s just the way I am.

The downside is that my expectations of people can sometimes be too high. I find life easy and I have to remember that overall I’ve been quite lucky. If people let me down, for example, I tend to view them quite harshly. I do try not to though.

We outsource everything!
Party organisers
Cook for dinner parties
cleaner
Nanny
Gardener
Personal shopper
the list goes on....

@LaVitaPuoEsserePiuBella

I thought "having it all" was a myth sold to women in the 1980s by those women's magazines who like to make women feel bad about themselves? I don't believe men are conditioned to aim to "have it all"...

Really? You don’t think men expect to be able to have a family and continue in their career unimpeded?

Really?!?!

I do have a lot of hobbies/extras but in reality I only choose/commit to things that are highly flexible or don’t take commitment all the time. For example I’m trustee of a charity but in reality I did a lot in the last three months but for the next six I might not do a lot at all above our monthly meetings. And I can do most of it whenever suits me personally.

Definitely not on top of it all but do try to have a balanced life which is difficult as single parent working full time. First thing was compressed hours - so yes on those days life is a bit of a blur, but focus on those days is just work / basic housework like dishes / a wash / quick lunchtime run and have dog Walker for these days.

I have a day childcare when not working to do all the stuff that’s easier childfree - dog groomers / hair dresser / longer run / housework / food shop

Weekends then free for quality child time - whether it be days out / playing / crafts and combine with ‘social life’ by seeing friends with children or for lunch etc.

Life does feel like it’s all or nothing but I feel I can cope with a few manic days a week because I know I’ve got more relaxed days to spend with DS. I do try to do exercise a few times a week - run / yoga etc and put a meditation on before bed. Not overly groomed these days as wfh but hair always done, and make up of a weekend now rather than work days. It works for us.

There is no way I'd wake up at 4.30am to 'keep on top' of things unless it was a fit fella

What I can say is that all this :

I find a lot of women seem to be easily able to manage 3-4+ kids, doing very well at their career and looking very fit and well groomed. Have a great social life and mention hobbies and taking time to meditate, yoga, Pilates,etc

It's kind of all is directly related. You chase 4 kids? You'll be fit and skinny. You work too? So you, and therefore the kids, are on a schedule. So you'll have deadlines and priorities : I. E. Get up at 6am in order to drop kids at 7am, catch train at 7.30am.

@Kippure Yes, I'd really recommend it

I get up at 5am every other morning without fail to exercise before work. It’s become a habit and I haven’t missed a day since September where I was away for a weekend and just went 2 days in a row to make up for it.
I shop online, have a cleaner, work part time 30 hours a week in a rather low paid career. Have a dh who does 99% of the cooking and all the DIY around the house and earns well running his own business where he can work often pretty similar hours to me and bring home far more a month than I do, enabling us to pay for things to save us time at home. It wasn’t always this way, it took about 10 years of him plugging away getting a good work reputation for us to relax a bit and for him to reduce his hours. Also does his fair share of cleaning. I don’t really have ‘hobbies’, I exercise to stay in my comfortable weight, I have never particularly enjoyed it when I’m doing it but the feeling it brings me when it’s over motivates me to keep getting up and fitting it in.
With 3 DC I have lots of places to be and things to do after work and also care for an elderly relative who lives 2 hours drive away.
Twice a week I go up after work and do shopping, cleaning and spend time together. They come and stay for the weekend with us and the dc every 3/4 weeks or so depending on other plans.
In reality, it takes outsourcing where you can afford it and teamwork.
But we don’t ‘have it all.’ Does anyone?

Sorry, you said ‘do it all’ not ‘have it all’!
I have a hairdressers appointment every 8 weeks for a cut and colour, takes me 3 hours. Out of however many hours are in 2 months. I can find the time. Similarly for a facial, once a month.
2 of my dc are teens and the other is 9, they are brilliant together, quite easygoing and placid kids. If I go out and leave them together, they usually play a board game or watch a film. The teens also cook sometimes.
I have found I have far more time as they’ve got older and my life in many ways have got easier in that I have more time to myself (in reality I use that time to go and see my relative and help them). It gets harder in some ways too but the practicalities of them being older has made parts of life less stressful.
Pay for the help you can get, share out the rest but you all have to be on board.

There are probably people looking at you OP asking themselves the same question (how does she do it). But I'm a bit 'type A' here is my routine in brief.
Get up 6:45 start work at 7am. 12pm DH makes lunch i exercise whilst he cooks, eat together (20 minutes). 1pmish: back to work finish at 6. Make dinner using meal service (e.g. Gousto). Hobby starts at 7:30. Finishes at 9pm. We then watch TV. In bed by 10:30. I do this 5 days a week with hobbies two days per week and usually work 2-3 hours on a Sunday. I use my lunch hour to call friends. Here is what makes this easy:

• No kids
• Financial security means most of the time I get to 'choose my stress' - I choose career
• Highly competitive so it feels 'fun to cram the day full.
• Manage my time down to 30 minute chunks like a psychopath
• eat healthy (lowers stress and lethargy)
• 6 years of therapy to deal with my issues. Overcoming the issues frees up bandwidth every day to focus and be selfish.

But, if you had met me 3 years ago, you would have said I was a mess and destined to always be that way. Perception is reality as they say.

I never take any job that requires me to get up earlier than 6.30 am.

That we even have this thread is depressing - no one is surprised when a man has a career, 3 kids, hobbies and looks ok.
They just assume he has a wife.

I'm going back to work after DC2 soon and DH and I have planned -
after school club for the eldest
getting a cleaner
switching our main/healthy meal to lunch and just having easy dinners

From when DS1 was born we decided to do half the child admin each - he does nursery and school, I do dentist/dr/haircut/new clothes

I have lots of allergies so don't really groom beyond showering and washing my hair, but I find time for baking and reading (my hobbies) and I'm looking forward to socialising more in 2021 hopefully!

They may appear to 'have it all' but are they happy?

My dad has this saying 'all that glitters, isn't gold' I think of this when I see people who appear to have it all.

My friend is one of those who appears to have and be it all.

The cost to her is that she shoulders most of the home workload as she works school hours.

She only ever has 3 to 4 hours sleep, because she cannot fit everything in otherwise. Goes running either late at night or early morning. Hairdresser visits fortnightly at home. Makeup always applied. House always immaculate. Home baking every morning. Always cooks from scratch.

She seems to manage this, but has 3 times a year where she literally collapses. I'd say exhaustion. It's just happened again. But she'll recover and repeat....

I, however, will happily continue in my non home magazine level well lived in home and lifestyle!

The main things that help me to squeeze things in are fundamental:
Work 5 mins walk from home and dd at preschool next to where I work and 1m from where dh works.
Older kids walk to school on their own.
Manageable house.
Tumble dryer, dishwasher and robot hoover. Plus a cleaner. Never iron.
Shopping delivery and am enjoying trying Gousto to take the time out of meal planning.
Dye and style my own hair. Am growing it but will cut my own fringe. Can do makeup quickly. Decide what to wear in shower.
Work 3 days a week and spend hours in park with little one and the dog every week which is local.
Lots of routines which takes the stress out of decisions.

We have a 6-day a week, live-in housekeeper who cooks, cleans, does the shopping and can supervise the kids. We both work full-time in senior jobs that have some flexibility (but that flexibility works both ways - I can block out 3.30-4.30pm for the school run but I'm also regularly expected to be on work calls at 10pm or 6am). We share all parenting duties, taking turns to go to school concerts, swimming training etc. Our kids go to private schools which have buses - so no school run. It's still stupidly busy and stressful. We are both under-exercised, do minimal grooming and are not on top of the life-admin. Our son went to school with no lunch yesterday. Mess still happens, stuff gets forgotten, the lockdown puppy was a mistake