Women who do it all...What is your routine?

[Reearry]

Women who are able to be on top of work, kids, hobbies, fitness, learning, grooming, social life, mental health... What is your routine? What time do you wake up? How much time do you spend on hobbies? How much time do you spend on fitness and grooming? How are you able to manage daily house management, work, kids and be able to have time for self development? What are the tips and tricks to be able to do keep on top of it everything?

'On paper' it looks like I have it all. Great job, amazing house, attractive (so I'm told), and do so with 6 kids on my own (widowed). In reality I'm struggling and are physically and mentally exhausted. Routine as follows: up 5.45am, sort out older ones (always do packed lunches, uniforms etc night before), take youngest up to child minder, then on to work. Commute by train (2hrs each way- don't ask), home around 6, collecting youngest en route. Tea will have been prepped night before and into slow cooker, kitchen a bloody state so attack that first, then usual nighttime routine with little ones. Exercise wise I walk to train station which is 45 mins each way- not great but better than nothing. My hobby which I'm passionate about is singing (I'm in a small harmony group which performs at events, weddings etc) Get to bed around 11.30. It may look on the surface that I'm doing it all and have it all 🤔 but more a case of have to do so as there's no one else to help out or pay the bills 🤣 Have taken on some extra freelance work too as finances are extremely tight...I need to move closer to work but that's another thread!

I've learnt a long time ago to never compare the inside of my house to the outside of someone else's house! Other people's lives might look smooth sailing on the outside but who knows what they had to do behind the scenes to make it appear so? And they're no more happier or fulfilled or less tired than you lol.

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts. It's made evaluate on how best to go about organising and prioritising different aspects of my life to make me more satisfied and happy. As one of the PP mentioned, thinking of it as "seasons" where different aspects of life take priority at different stages of life definitely rings true. My biggest takeaway has been that I need to be way more planned and organised and be ruthless about not wasting time on things like social media

I've wondered the same about so many other women as well, especially those with 2 or more children! From the outside my life probably looks like I "have it all" as well but it's a constant struggle.

• I only have 1 toddler and just about managing (by a hair) to keep house, career, myself and marriage intact. And that's despite several massive privileged factors below.

• MIL takes DD for two days a week and we have a cleaner once every 2 weeks who also does ironing. My free days are spent doing a large grocery shops, meal planning, meal prepping and random house chores that can't be done safely with a toddler around.

• My business was successful before having a baby so it's more about maintaining what's there rather than building something up from scratch which is much harder. I'm self employed so I don't need to be someplace between certain times which probably adds a lot more stress.

• I wake up at 8am with DD and put her to bed at 7pm. Then I head to my office at 9pm and work till midnight, or WFH if that's possible. If I'm lucky I can also squeeze in an hours work during her afternoon nap, so that's 3-4 hours every day including weekends.

• I drink a lot of coffee, take high dosed CBD and also rely on painkillers more often than is probably recommended. I haven't felt truly rested or not tired/tense/achy since birth. However I simply don't have time for yoga or massages so it needs to be chemical agents to tide me over until DD gets older.

• I was naturally thin before having kids so luckily dieting/weight loss isn't really an issue. There is no way I can manage to squeeze in exercise or sport in my current schedule. Chasing after a toddler, pushing buggies or carrying a cranky kid who refuses to go in a pram while having 3 shopping bags on one shoulder is a good workout though.

• I only put on make-up if I have an appointment or might appear on social media. So I look groomed in every picture that's seen in public but 95% of the time I'm completely barefaced with a greasy bun.

• Unlike what several people mentioned, I love scrolling mindlessly on social media and I find it's important to indulge in something you really enjoy. Life is so repetitive especially with lockdown that it's nice to live vicariously through others for a bit. I don't feel guilty at all for spending a bit too long on Instagram or staying up a bit too late watching an extra Youtube video.

• I suppose mindless hobbies is my "self development" for this season of life? I used to have phases where I'd read acclaimed literature, business books, listen to podcasts about cryptocurrency etc that made me feel like I was widening my horizons. Then I realised this crazy stage of life is just about survival and I do whatever lets me switch off most easily!

We both work full time (plus some), have three dc and a dog. Also just moved house. On the outside it looks like I cope amazingly but in reality I have a cleaner once a week, still spend the entire weekend cleaning and doing meal prep and am asleep on the sofa by 930 pm every night. I'm totally exhausted, stressed and totally fed up but go to work with a smile and enthusiasm every day and don't let it affect my work. Don't exercise or really do anything just for me. Something has to give at some point!

It is often (not always) true that the higher you go in your career, the more flexibility you have. I own several businesses, and have three children as a single parent (with a partner, but he doesn’t do much with my kids). I can be flexible to fit in time with the children by being able to arrive late or leave early, but also work through the night or get up early to catch up, and by getting my PA to sort out home insurance or pay my parking fines or whatever. If I had to always be at a desk not a minute late at 9am and work through until 5pm, I’d find it much harder to be on top of my home life too.

@Reearry

Women who are able to be on top of work, kids, hobbies, fitness, learning, grooming, social life, mental health... What is your routine? What time do you wake up? How much time do you spend on hobbies? How much time do you spend on fitness and grooming? How are you able to manage daily house management, work, kids and be able to have time for self development? What are the tips and tricks to be able to do keep on top of it everything?

I have a husband who does his fair share of the house/ children etc.

When my job is purely office hours I don't do too badly I don't think. Get up at 5.30 / 6 do yoga or run. Get kids up at 7 and off to school. Get myself off to work. Come home and sort out tea. Do minimum of housework during the week but spend weekends doing housework and seeing friends and family.

Currently no chance of this, I'm working 12 hour days most days and have long covid. I'm not on top of anything.

I've a nanny/housekeeper who is excellent. When she is here, she does everything (and more) than I would have done. Keeps our house ticking over. We have the kids (all under 7) trained to get their own breakfast so I dont usually get up till 8 and then just focus on getting the packed lunches ready and dressing the toddler in time to hand over to the nanny. I have a cleaner come for 2 hrs a week. We have someone who cuts the grass. And my kids are pretty managable, decent behaviour most of the time and as I said, capable of dressing themselves, tidying their room and recently the 5, 6 and 7 yr old are very good at emptying dishwasher, tidying up their mess etc. It really helps.

So yeah, outsourcing and making the kids independent are my two biggest helps.

I'm doing it all atm as DH is working away. I work full time but very flexibly from home. Wake up at 7.45am, quick shower, primary school aged kids eat the over night oats I've made the night before (usually alongside making dinner) and get themselves ready, we drive to school about 8.30 (too far to walk sadly), when I'm running I run for 30 mins 3 days a week after school run before logging on. I have a washer dryer so I may put a load in in the morning and come back to it in the evening. At lunch time I will unload dishwasher, might go for a walk, pick kids up about 5/5.30 (school club) They read to me and do their homework in the kitchen while I cook dinner. They get ready for bed while I clear up after dinner. I am usually sat down by about 7/7.30 depending, closer to 8 if it's a football or Beavers night. Thankfully my own hobby is watching tv so that gives me 2-3 hours of that!

Life was easier when I online shopped and had a cleaner, but we recently upsized so cleaning myself atm for budget reasons, I just go over the bathrooms on weekends. I shop in Aldi one night a week before picking kids up. I try to keep weekends free from "admin" where possible.

I've worked since maternity leave with both, DH has often worked away, it's just not something I've struggled with really, I don't stress about having a sparkling house and make sure I have plenty of chill out time for myself.

(To add to that 2 kids, career orientated, management role)

People used to say that to me, I was a single parent, with a career & side business from when my DD was 18mo old. I used to try and kill lots of birds with one stone, exercising en route to work for example to manage my weight and energy levels.
But the main thing was is that I engineered my life to be able to do those things. I moved in the triangle between the childcare, school and work and ran or cycled everywhere to manage my weight.
Into a small flat which doesn't take long to clean. I also didn't take anything big on like a big house, or try to go to 3 birthday parties every Saturday. So I managed it by doing less I guess? Probably doesn't help 🙂

I know what you mean OP. I have a couple of friends like this.
One has a great career, hospital consultant (so been taking multiple exams to get to this point), 3 kids, looks amazing (and works out), often pictures on fb pre covid of evenings out with friends / husband. No family help. I’ve often asked her - how?!?
But I don’t seem to get the answer. From what I gather, having a nanny helps - don’t need to factor in pick ups and drop offs, nanny can work some extra hours if need be. She claims her house is a mess. The biggest thing I think though is personality - she has to always be on the go, is very driven and focused. Hates to rest.

That’s the other similar thing I’ve noticed with my other friend - her personality type is very organised and focused and Uber productive. Is the person least likely to faff or procrastinate (like me!). Her career is given same importance as her husband so he does his fair share. I think though, her hours whilst FT, don’t require over time - so no working to midnight etc.

Both are naturally quite beautiful so I guess don’t need that much effort to look great. I seem to always look like a bag lady 😂.

Thank you for this thread, I've found it fascinating, and also realised that I need to have higher expectations of myself in order to achieve more.

From tomorrow, I'm going to delete various apps off my phone and see how much more productive I can be without constant scrolling, and aim to achieve something from your list each week.

From the outside, I think I look fairly together, but my social life is non existent (and not just due to covid), my house is unfinished and just looks scruffy in places as we are so untidy. My fitness and grooming has gone out the window. My career needs more focus if I'm going to progress, but overall its in a good place. Learning is OK, my DH and I have been taking a language class for a few years. I should have all the time in the world, but my phone, TV, and general exhaustion take over, whereas if my focus was better on sleeping and eating well, plus exercise, I think my world would be a happier place.

I can tell you what works for me:

• working 3 days a week
• not having a high powered job! No out of hours attention needed.
• cleaner twice a week
• 3 kids all over 10

With the above, I have found a balance and have time for me but when the kids were younger, or I was working longer hours it frequently went to pot. It has to be said though that we are comfortable but not super high earners - we live in a small flat and drive an old banger. If we had higher aspirations it would be harder!!

Your sample is very skewed: you say these women are your partner’s friends, and friends’ friends?!

You’re referring to senior managers: statistically, very few of those are mothers of 3/4 DC!

I have friends like the OP, who are senior in their jobs and still manage to have families and hobbies, but they outsource lots of stuff and don’t get much sleep!
I have just the one kid, which is a great time saver and they are a teenager now so pretty much take care of themselves.
Work 40 hours a week, pre-covid I had a long commute (read if i take the bus, audio book or podcast if driving)
Clean the house as I go + bigger clean at the weekend
Exercise: run at the weekend and walk where possible otherwise
Weekly shop on the way home from work
Cook pretty much from scratch (max 20/25 minutes) most nights
Social life: restaurant with the family, meet friends for a drink afterwork sometimes, usually home by 9pm
Studying with the OU an hour most days + whenever I can
Hour of Netflix with husband + kid every night and movie Sat night
Bed by 10.30, up around 6.30pm
Grooming: colour my own hair, cut every other month, no manicure or facials, make up (5 minutes) everyday

I did manage all this once upon a time. Monday - Friday worked full time. Got home, sorted DS and bedtime, then studied for professional qualifications once DS was in bed. DS went to his Dad's two nights a week. One night I would go to an exercise class and the other I would go out to pubs and clubs with friends.

The house wasn't always immaculate and DS had his dinner at the childminder's or at nursery. I would invariably just have a five minute dinner such as scrambled egg on toast. Dinner takes up a lot of the evening, so I guess that's an hour saved. I was also never really interested in TV.

I think a lot of us waste a lot of time on our phones tbh. Try without a phone for a week and I think many would miraculously find ourselves with much more spare time. And I'm including myself in that.

The only women I know doing “super well” at their career have one or no children or they have a stay at home partner. Max two kids but very rare. Earning enough to throw money at cleaners/Nannies/expensive clothes and dry cleaning/expensive haircuts.

Most mothers I know work part time to do all the things you listed.

Sorry this is probs totally cringe but I feel like I have it all but not the way you described!
I work part time, so does my husband so we share childcare completely equally. I have time to keep fit and socialise, enough time at work to make my brain work, enough time at home so I can enjoy my children without feeling trapped.
We can't afford to go on fancy holidays but we love to travel to the lakes or seaside for camping in our bell tent each summer and we are truly happy.
Sorry if this sounds smug, I just wanted to share in case it resonated with anyone who was trying to "have it all".
The difficult part of achieving it was moving from a goal orientated mindset to a values oriented mindset. I was always a high achiever, oxbridge (both!), career. Worked myself to the bone but when I had first DC I had a complete mental breakdown of PNA and D. Through therapy I learned how to happy. It was by living a values based life, trying to be a kind person, a friendly person, having compassion etc not trying to achieve goals so that I could reach one, be happy for a minute then start on the next one.

I find it odd when people say it can't be done. This is one of those situations where I think being a young mum has actually helped me. I was 22 when I had my youngest, so to continue in my career I was studying a masters distance distance learning while working nearly full time in my field, commuting and with a DH that worked away. Because I have had kids my entire working life I just haven't known any different. I worked with professional women who had kids late 30s/40s and they often remarked they couldn't believe I had a toddler and baby at home, they would come into work frazzled and stressed and most would be surprised to learn I had kids at all (probably my age too ha!) I think perhaps my tolerance levels are really high due to how busy my first few years as a mum were!

With covid, it’s a lot like juggling chainsaws. I am always in a rush and always running between buildings and to the car. I have no time to exercise, as it’s a bit too far to cycle and do the nursery run, haven’t had a hair cut since god knows when, barely ever read a book and see friends maybe once a week. Happily enough I haven’t got any greys yet and I like cooking. We do have a cleaner and nursery, but the nursery only goes until 16:30 for the little one and is often cut short nowadays due to staff shortages. I also often work evenings to catch up. My husband does mostly pull his weight but to be honest, we both know I do more. I’m making more of an effort to make him get on with it, rather than rescuing him. We have no family nearby and only moved here a year ago, so not much support.

It’s not always that much fun, but it’s still better than being at home alone with two small kids, with no friends around, as I was before. That was exhausting and depressing.

It frustrates me when people talk about financial matters in terms of affording short term things like holidays and ‘luxuries’. These are usually a small proportion of household spending: childcare, housing, food and utilities are far larger.

Impact on pension and career earnings (eg due to no or fewer promotions) are also key issues for people working part time.

I probably look like I'm managing it all, the reality is I'm having a little cry in a co op carpark and booked myself a secret say off on Tuesday so I can eat m and s party food by myself in my pjs

I have 3 children and a senior job.

What's worked for me:

• DH always done 50%, currently majority of school runs a school always mornings
• never did PTA school trips etc
• no weekday play dates
• after school club 4 days a week
• after school help 530-730 4 days a week
• cleaner for 7hr a week
• live in lodger so we can socialise with babysitter there

What we do:

• Both work FT 9-7 often
• 3 kids with 3 hobbies each
• socialise: with friend each weekly, date night 1-2 bight per week for years
• outsource food generally: lots of healthy take always, greggs on run at weekend for kids between hobbies, no packed lunches
• I do no housework other than tidy
• I clear out ruthlessly
• exercise : run 1-2 per week work time, husband does football 1-2 per week

Location

• 3 schools within 5m walk

-nursery v close

• 40m tube ride each to office
• good pubs for nights out c close
• kids activities all walking distance

Looking at this key is location (london) and I ourcourse everything I don't enjoy (food, cleaning, laundry)

I often do training late at night (8-1am) I am a lark and I wake up at 815am.