How do I tell them without sounding offensive?

[SwampyArmpits]

Help me out, oh wise Mumsnetters!

Someone I know has been unknowingly - I think! - and repeatedly using a derogatory term when referring to someone else, and it makes me cringe every time I see it happen (these incidents are happening online). I don't think this person has bad intentions, and I know I'd want to be told if it were me making the same mistake, so I'd like to send them a quick message - but how to word it without sounding offensive?! I want to tread carefully, this person and I have interacted before but we're not best friends.

Should I say something - and, if so, what and how? - or should I stay out of it? What say you, Mumsnet?!

@AcornAutumn do you mean you didn’t know what insult my friend was using? Sp*z?

Just use the Inigo Montayo gif "I do not think that words means what you think it means" from the Princess Bride.

Or that. That's great too.

Your message is a bit odd. Just use one of the easy, jokey ways to fix this, it's nicer for everyone.

@SwampyArmpits

This is really outing, but ok: the person is using "Thot" instead of "thought"

So it's a typo? Or are they spelling it as they pronounce it?

[quote PurpleDaisies]**@AcornAutumn* do you mean you didn’t know what insult my friend was using? Spz?[/quote]
oh right, now you've put the p in, I know.

I don't think I've got any friends who would use that word. (I mean close friends).

This thread has reminded me that I called someone a twat in front of my dad when I was young. My dad never swore in front of us kids and hated swearing generally, I remember he flinched and must have realised I didn't know what it was and decided not to tell me off as that would have involved an explanation.

never heard it before

i call people twats al the time have done for years

You are completely overthinking this.

Just write "thoughts" next to it.

British people are so indirect.

I wouldn't say anything. To most people it shows she has bad spelling but wouldn't mean anything insulting.

My DGM is probably the most innocent person I know (devoutly religious, married my Grandfather young having never kissed another man, turns programmes off if a sex scene comes on etc) so I don't actually know where she heard the word 'dildo' but she started referring to people as a 'silly dildo'. My Dad had to have an extremely awkward chat with her about what it actually meant and she was mortified .

You need to tell them.

Didn't David Cameron once publically use the word Twat without, apparently, knowing what it meant?

If they're using thot instead of thought, surely it's a mistake but not offensive?

Come back and tell us how you get on and what she replies op

Googled Twat. From my experience, people usually mean the first one. Don't see anything so wrong in that (and this is my first time seeing people implying that it is) unless your head is already in the gutter

twat
[twattwɒt]

NOUN
vulgar slang

1. a stupid or obnoxious person.
2. a woman's genitals.

VERB
BRITISH
informal

hit or punch (someone).
"if my best mate said that I'd twat him"
synonyms:
strike · slap · smack · cuff · punch · beat · thrash · thump · batter · belabour · [More]

If you think they're unwittingly using an offensive term then a jokey response will only add to the confusion, I'd have thot.

Better just ask "Are you using thots as an alternative spelling for thoughts or as the derogatory term for women?

@BecomeStronger

Didn't David Cameron once publically use the word Twat without, apparently, knowing what it meant?

If they're using thot instead of thought, surely it's a mistake but not offensive?

Probably. He also thought LOL meant lots of love and apparently ended texts with it

He also thought LOL meant lots of love and apparently ended texts with it

Three members of my family do that.

Why are you worried about offending someone who is being offensive?

Call them out.

I think the worst example I’ve seen of misusing lol was when someone used it at the end of a condolence message (this was at least ten years ago when it wasn’t quite so ubiquitous as it is now). Luckily a few other friends jumped on the thread and explained! The poster was genuinely mortified when she found out.

never heard this word in my life and would have just "thought" she'd spelled thoughts wrong if she said it to me

A friend of mine has recently started online dating. She said she was getting lots of messages from men about 3somes and she was really freaked out. Turns out she'd written on her profile headline "Looking for a Unicorn" which apparently what couples call their third in a sexual relationship (grin)

I can honestly say I have never heard this expression/insult!

The recipients probably don't know what it means either as well as the sender , makes for a confusing situation all round

@AwaAnBileYerHeid

I just asked my 2 sisters, we are in our 20s & 30s and none of us have heard of the slang/insult 'thot'.

I am mid 40s with two teenage sons and we watch a news show on YouTube which covers world events but also YouTube/Instagram people. I know what a THOT is from that.

It is used as an insult quite a lot in the gaming community by men to criticise some female gamers.

I wouldn't mention auto correct just tell them what it means.

I’m 29 and never heard the word Thot in my life

Is it "queer"