How do I tell them without sounding offensive?

[SwampyArmpits]

Help me out, oh wise Mumsnetters!

Someone I know has been unknowingly - I think! - and repeatedly using a derogatory term when referring to someone else, and it makes me cringe every time I see it happen (these incidents are happening online). I don't think this person has bad intentions, and I know I'd want to be told if it were me making the same mistake, so I'd like to send them a quick message - but how to word it without sounding offensive?! I want to tread carefully, this person and I have interacted before but we're not best friends.

Should I say something - and, if so, what and how? - or should I stay out of it? What say you, Mumsnet?!

[Mrsjayy]

Help an old dear our what does it mean ?

[AlternativePerspective]

How do you know of this word OP.

From this thread it clearly isn’t a well known or popular insult. Aside from which it was a clearly a spelling thing and a one off, and you’ve started an entire thread about it?

Or perhaps you’ve just come across it yourself and thought you’d gage how many other people have heard of it?

[FortunesFave]

YABU for using the term "Loose ladies"

[SwampyArmpits]

@WhySoSensitive

‘Hi X
I see you put ‘thots’ in that message, did you mean to put thoughts? Thots means ‘that hoe over there’ which I really hope you aren’t intentionally using in the workplace.
Don’t want any misunderstandings’

If this were happening in the workplace it'd be so much worse

[FortunesFave]

Perspective it IS a well known word. I know it and I'm almost 50.

[SwampyArmpits]

@FortunesFave What alternative would you suggest?

@AlternativePerspective This isn't a troll post, no. It's a genuine interaction on social media, and if it were a one-time thing I'd probably leave it alone, but like I said, it's happened more than once now.

[PurpleDaisies]

@FortunesFave

Perspective it IS a well known word. I know it and I'm almost 50.

I don’t think that’s the accepted criteria for what’s a well known word.

I’ve never heard of it.

[SwampyArmpits]

@AlternativePerspective

I’m not buying this.

The OP posted that this woman was using a well known slang (and offensive) term but she couldn’t mention what it was because it would be outing. She then proceeds to tell us what the word is and it seems nobody has ever heard of it on here, and then changes her narrative from the woman having used the word on numerous occasions to her having used it instead of thought....

[hm]

How are those two things mutually exclusive?! Can someone not use a word to mean another word on more than one occasion?

Anyway, buy it or don't - up to you.

[WhySoSensitive]

Well then adjust it to whatever situation it is in then! It sounds like a careless mistake rather than being deliberately offensive.

[SockDrawer]

Ooohhh! So not a mistake, purposefully using as a play on words to be offensive.

But you said they were using it unknowingly: how is it unknowingly? Do you think they don’t know just how offensive it is?

[NoSquirrels]

Are they a gentleman of a certain age, OP? Do they like the Compleet Molesworth and a bit of comedy misspelling? I think your message is fine. If you weren’t one of the women tagged I’d probably leave it to them to correct them, though.

[SwampyArmpits]

@SwampyArmpits

Ok, how does this sound?

"Hope this doesn't come across as insulting or intrusive, certainly not meant that way! Just thought you should know, since I'm sure you weren't intending to call (name, name and name) loose ladies...: www.dictionary.com/browse/thot 😅"

Can I please get some feedback on this instead of suspicion that I'm trolling or that the word being referenced isn't well known enough?

[SwampyArmpits]

Thanks, @NoSquirrels!

[ErrolTheDragon]

@FortunesFave

Perspective it IS a well known word. I know it and I'm almost 50.

The fact you happen to know it doesn't mean it's well known. Most of the posters on this thread seem to have had to Google it.

Anyway... My guess is that this person just thought it was txtspk. It's a warning against using neologisms or unfamiliar terms without checking what they mean first. It's not exactly hard to look things up nowadays. I'd certainly rather be told if I accidentally blundered like this - decades ago someone pulled me up for using 'cretin' to mean 'idiot', I'd no idea what it meant so I was glad to be set straight.

[StrippedFridge]

I would find your proposed message mortifying and a bit slimy.

I would do it with humour. She posts "thots?" And you post back "your autocorrect is being a bit harsh on Mavis and Brenda there! Thots ha ha" with laughing emoji or such like.

[ILoveYoga]

They may not have realised the term they used was offensive. The term may have been the generally accepted term when they were growing up. Terms have changed so much over time. Also, I have found that some terms are considered offensive in one country, not in another.

As an example, When I was growing up, we used the term “oriental”. It’s now considered offensive yet my parents still use it because they don’t know the terms have changed - and their local Chinese still has the same name Oriental Garden. It was difficult explaining it to them. There were offensive terms that some used to refer to what is now Asian snd they never used those offensive/derogatory terms so they’re quite confused what terms to use .

So perhaps maybe call this person to be sure how you explain it is not misconstrued. Often putting things in writing can be misconstrued as to tone or purpose. If your purpose is to do ok let them know times have changed rather than an admonishment a call may be better

[LittleMissLockdown]

Another one here who has also never heard of it. In what other contexts have they used it?

[SwampyArmpits]

My sentiments, @ErrolTheDragon - hope the recipient of my message feels the same way!

[NoSquirrels]

My MIL started using ‘twat’ as an acceptable mash-up of ‘prat’ and ‘twit’ ... so it could be worse!

[PurpleDaisies]

My reply would just be “um, is that a typo?” With a smiley face which makes everything better.

[tappingintherain]

Oh for goodness sakes OP. This started as something potentially serious but seems to be just a case of using text-speak/shorthand. Only that this shorthand (which has been around for much longer than the term 'Instagram THOTs') happens to sound like the internet label.

As you've FINALLY given us the context, it really just means nothing. The women he/she's asking for their 'thots' can either let him/her know if it bothers them or they too understand the context in which it's being used and can't be arsed.

I suggest let this one go or just say something breezily along the lines of, "Do you know THOT now stands for 'That Ho Over There' or THOTS for 'Those HOes over there'?"

... or something like that.

[AcornAutumn]

Oh

Thots as in smol for small?

I’d not heard of the word thot so maybe they haven’t either?

[SwampyArmpits]

@StrippedFridge That's what I was afraid of I might throw in a reference to autocorrect first, would that help?

[DanielODonkey]

Just use the Inigo Montayo gif "I do not think that words means what you think it means" from the Princess Bride.

Job done.