6 yo doesn't go to bed without me

[StormsDontLastForever]

Posted similar to this before but can't seem to find the thread.

My 6 yo dd does not go to bed without me, I can't sit downstairs with DH and watch tv or anything as she literally will scream the place down & come down stairs 20 times that I eventually give in and just go upstairs. But I have no me time or time with DH due to it. She has everything she needs, and I mean everything, she is well fed etc so not hungry but comes up with every excuse under the sun.

She also says things like, "I'm scared upstairs" (she has a lamp on in her room and hall light etc). "I don't want to be alone" "I'm not tired" etc. She rarely falls asleep before 10:30/11pm these days, I have tried everything, we used to have a great routine. It's as if she can't leave my side due to thinking she's missing something, she is 100% not scared in her room etc, it's just an excuse to be beside me, which I absolutley love, I love her company and would do anything for her!! But it is quite draining that I don't have any time to myself or time with DH.

She also point blank refuses to sleep in her own room because my bed is comfier, so every night at bedtime I need to go up and lie in my bed with her until she falls asleep, then by the time she's sleeping I'm absolutley shattered.

Any advice please xx

How much sleep is she getting overnight, can't be much!

I would actually change your routine and go to bed with her at her bed time and do a very very gradual retreat method. I think first you need to go to bed with her 7pm so she starts going to sleep at a reasonable time.

@RandomMess I go to bed with her at 8pm every night, have tried reading books, calm music etc. But most nights she is still up around 10:30/11pm. Every night I am in bed with her at the same time. That's my point is that I am here from 8pm and then come 10:30/11 when she's finally asleep I'm exhausted so have no time to myself 😢

OK....having had good sleepers and bed sleepers and tried everything under the sun.....have you tried just letting her fall asleep on the sofa? (No it isn't in the parenting books)....but what would happen if you just stuck her there under a blanket and got on with your night?

Oh my goodness it's time to put your foot down!

A six year old is very well able to understand bedtime. You need to keep taking her back up to bed, make it boring not a game, and repeat until you want to hurl yourself at the wall.

At the moment she's running the show! Won't sleep in her own bed because yours is comfier, come on!

I feel your pain - my DS is 5, and for the last couple of months has been the same! DH and I take it in turns to put him to bed and have to stay upstairs with him until he falls asleep. So no advice, just lots of sympathy and just posting to see what advice others have!

I grew up with just my mum. I would fall asleep on the couch at whatever time, then she’d wake me at 10pm and we’d go up to bed.
I was too scared to go to sleep upstairs on my own , but never admitted to it.

Could she be over tired by 8pm?

What time does she get up in the mornings and is it different at the weekends?

My ten year old won't sleep without one of us. I'm so beyond caring what anyone thinks. I'm waiting for puberty to solve this one, and I'll honestly miss it when it's gone.

My 6 year old won't go to sleep without us in his room (we lay on the floor but it took 2 years to get out of being on his bed!)

We stay until he's asleep and then leave.

We come to bed at 8pm, do teeth and 20 mins reading. Then we lay in the dark for as long as it takes.

Perseverance has paid off as he knows not to ask for anything else as we will just keep telling him to shut his eyes. He is now usually asleep in 30 mins. A total pain but doable.

@FippertyGibbett your comment is so sweet.
I’m sorry OP I have no advice but I remember being a kid and needing my dad to lie with us to go asleep and waking in the night and needing my mom. Im sure all kids grow out of it xx

I also have to sit with my 6&4 year old until they are asleep, I'm a single parent so no help with taking it in turns. 4 year old goes to bed at 7pm it can take anything from 30mins to an hour and half for her to fall asleep. Then 8-8:30 I have to sit with the 6 year old which normally takes 30-45 mins. By the time they are both asleep I'm shattered and spend 20 mins downstairs before taking myself to bed. Then to make matters worse at least one (if not both) will end up in my bed by the end of the night. I'm so fed up with it all. I love it when they are at they're dads eow just so I get 2 nights off from this nightmare

My DD was the same at 6. Mine eventually started sleeping on her own when I made a bed for her on the sofa bed downstairs. She'll grow out of it, and hard to imagine, but you'll miss it. Try and work out something that works for all of you.

This is extremely similar to my 6 year old. Absolute nightmare. Only just starting to settle down now she's come into my bed.
Hates being on her own even for a second. V difficult!

8pm is pretty late. Could you get her to bed earlier instead? Even as an adult I find that if I stay up later than I should, I struggle to sleep as I get a second wind!

Do the supernanny method,there are videos on YouTube.Walk her back upstairs and put her back into bed,no matter how many times.She will give in eventuate she knows for sure you won't be going in her room.

eventually

@MorrisZapp

My ten year old won't sleep without one of us. I'm so beyond caring what anyone thinks. I'm waiting for puberty to solve this one, and I'll honestly miss it when it's gone.

Same here with my 9 year old

Absolutely Includewomen!
Kids need sleep. You need adult time. Say no. Keep on saying no. Never get into bed with them. Never lie down next to them.
Enough.

I cuddle my 6yr old and 4yr old to sleep and then sneak downstairs for a couple of hours and they end up in bed with us every night. I know it’s not as full on as your DD but just some solidarity in the whole unable to sleep without me situation!

No idea if it’ll help but can you reintroduce a baby routine almost so tv/devices off at 6, then story/bath time and lights off at 7 every single night? Yes you’ll still be doing bedtime but hopefully once she’s back into a routine you might get a couple of hours off?

8pm is too late for 6. Start bedtime at 6 with winding down etc. In bed at 7.

I just wanted to say I had one of those, they are now 17 and I can tell from experience this will pass. Between 9-11 it got much better and from aged 11 onwards we didn't hear a peep out of them. Now they are the last ones to bed of an evening and lock up and let the dog out. However you choose to cope with this is as a family is absolutely fine, trust that it just a passing phase and do whatever in your heart feels right.

You need to nip this in the bud now. She knows that you'll give in when she kicks off. Every time she gets out of bed or screams put her back in bed and don't say anything to her. It may take a few nights but once she realises you won't give in she will soon stop. May take 20 odd times or 50 times to keep putting her back in bed but persist with it and the reward will be worth it!

I feel your pain as I have a six year old DS who needs me to sit in the chair beside him till he falls asleep, but to even get to that point takes so much winding down and endless complaints of hunger, thirst, too hot, too cold, too light, too dark and so on. Once he is actually lying down he will listen to me read to him for fifteen mins but then will be restless for another 15-20 mins. He will keep opening his eyes to check I am there.

He also ends up in my bed most nights.

It used to get me so wound up but now I just hustle him upstairs at 7.15, teeth and into bed, so that I can be sure to be downstairs for dinner and adult time for 8ish.

I also figure I will miss it when I don’t hear the little patter of feet coming upstairs and a small body snuggling up to me in the middle of the night.

How do you know she's not actually scared. She's 6 and up the stairs alone. I remember being a child and feeling scared in bed, its shit.

And my 8 year old!

I’ve decided I’m letting puberty sort this one out too - I’m a single parent and I just haven’t got the energy. Some days I sneak back downstairs once he’s asleep, others I read beside him in my bed, more often than not I fall asleep too and just have an early night though!