6 yo doesn't go to bed without me

[StormsDontLastForever]

Posted similar to this before but can't seem to find the thread.

My 6 yo dd does not go to bed without me, I can't sit downstairs with DH and watch tv or anything as she literally will scream the place down & come down stairs 20 times that I eventually give in and just go upstairs. But I have no me time or time with DH due to it. She has everything she needs, and I mean everything, she is well fed etc so not hungry but comes up with every excuse under the sun.

She also says things like, "I'm scared upstairs" (she has a lamp on in her room and hall light etc). "I don't want to be alone" "I'm not tired" etc. She rarely falls asleep before 10:30/11pm these days, I have tried everything, we used to have a great routine. It's as if she can't leave my side due to thinking she's missing something, she is 100% not scared in her room etc, it's just an excuse to be beside me, which I absolutley love, I love her company and would do anything for her!! But it is quite draining that I don't have any time to myself or time with DH.

She also point blank refuses to sleep in her own room because my bed is comfier, so every night at bedtime I need to go up and lie in my bed with her until she falls asleep, then by the time she's sleeping I'm absolutley shattered.

Any advice please xx

@Daisychainsandglitter I really would recommend the book “what to do if you dread your bed”. It worked really well for my child with anxiety and was recommended by a parent of an ASD child. Sorry to repeat post but it was so helpful to me I’m a bit of an evangelist for it!

Thank you for the recommendation @peakotter. We're absolutely at the end of our tether with it all so we will be ordering that book this evening.
Like your DS it seems to be anxiety related. She never even seems to be affected by the late nights which is even more baffling!

Op, DH and I were similarly at end of tether. We also put a lot down to anxiety. Do consider the bedtime passes technique I described.

That book sounds interesting, I'll be having a look myself.

@Daisychainsandglitter maybe you're not the op.

Hello, just wondering if things are any better? Your situation sounds like my life! I have a six year old who has been in a perfect routine since she was just a few months old: dinner, bath, wind down, story, sleep by 7pm and awake between 6am and 7am. However in the past 4 months things have gone from bad to worse. We have tried supernanny techniques- the other night I returned her to her bed from 7.30-12.30 and then she eventually slept on our ottoman at about 1am because I was too exhausted and needed to get some sleep myself before baby woke/alarm for work went off (but still stuck to the rule that she was not allowed in our bed!). I am being extremely firm about her staying in her own bed. We also have middle of the night battles anytime my daughter wakes up. I am currently sitting on the chair in her room because I cannot take any more shouting/running around our house for the fear that she wakes up her little brother (but I am still sticking to the rule that she must sleep in her own bed). However I know it is not good (for any of us) for her to always need someone beside her to fall asleep. I can understand why some people may be saying you need to be firm- but as someone who has always thought my kids are brilliant sleepers because of the routines abs consistency we have- I can vouch for the fact that the best set-ups can fail! I am a teacher, Virgo star sign and one of the most organised, determined (at times to the point of stubborn 🤣) people you will meet 🙈. I am also at breaking point with this. I don’t think we can underestimate the impact of the past year on kids mental health- think about how it has affected us as adults. I’m torn between continuing the battle and giving in and just letting her sleep in our bed so that our family can begin sleeping again and survive each day. Would welcome any thoughts on where to go next.

This sounds like my two dc, so I completely sympathise. It took years to get to a point where I didn’t have to sit in the dark with them both. This marginally improved when they started sharing a room, despite them having their own rooms this is what they preferred. Dc 9 is mostly fine now, Dc 6 will still make a fuss about going to bed and use the usual delay tactics, she eventually creeps into my bed at midnight just as I’ve fallen asleep. I’m looking forward to a full nights uninterrupted sleep at some point in the near future.