I don't want those days to have gone- kids growing up

[AFingerofFudge]

I've just randomly been overcome with sadness and tears when I glanced at DS1's old room where there's a photo montage of photos from him growing up that we made for his 18th (he's 21 now).
I'm totally not a crier and DH gave me the side eye when I appeared in our room crying.
I just don't want those days to have gone. I want him to be 2 again. Even 18 or 20 years ago standing freezing in the park while they went down the slide for the 50th time, even then I knew that I would miss those days and one day would be snivelling over old photos.
Anyone else get sad about their kids growing up or is just me?? I never knew I had the tears in me!!!

Mine are 16 and 13 and at this time of year I really miss them being small. The nativity plays and carol concerts, end of term parties and being excited for Santa. 😢

They still love Christmas and are good fun (when they’re not being grumpy) but sometimes I’d like to go back to when everything was really magical.

It’s only 2.5 years until dd1 will be off to uni! I’m sure I’ll be a bubbering mess!

There is an amazing video somewhere (which I’m sure someone more technically able than me can link to) of an Australian Radio presenter talking about the grief she felt about her son growing up. It literally hit me like a bolt of pain when I heard it. DS1 is nearly 16 and I’m so incredibly proud of the young man he has become but I long for the days when a simple cuddle could make him feel better without all the worry of being a teenager. DS2 is 10 and has always been incredibly hard work. I feel like I’ve literally wished his life away in the hope of him getting better!! He is amazing footballer, very clever and articulate but very very hard work!

fb.watch/26cCxDFBaU/

Hopefully it will have worked, it’s about boys but obviously applies to girls as well. Warning...you will need tissues.

Those times aren't gone. They're right there in the bond you have with your children now.

Nice to read this. My baby is 4 months today! The time has flown. And she’s so lovely and snuggly 🥰

@purpleme12

I loved the early years me. I did make the most of it. Which was always my intention. I think it's something I'm good at. I'm not sure I'm as good when they get older. I do miss the early years and I wanted to have another baby and I'm jealous of other people who have another child to go through it again with

I feel the same, @purpleme12. I’m not sure I’m getting it right sometimes with my two- when they were younger, their needs were much simpler! Fed, clothed, cuddled, reading stories, etc. Now it can take a massive effort to get them up and dressed.🤣

This thread has got me, my ds is 14 next week and I can see the empty nest on the horizon.

Although all of mine are at home they are forging their identities and it won’t be long til they leave, the eldest has a job and car and as soon as a partner comes into the mix they’ll be off, the middle one will be off to uni soon and I’m sure the youngest will be not far behind.

The noisy chaotic house will be become quiet, I wish I could turn the clock back a few years and have one last year when they were little.

I understand, mine and 5 and 3 and a big factor in the shall-we-shan’t-we for baby #3 is that I want to extend those baby and preschool years and I just have lived most of it all so far. So your post has spurred me on! I’m sure I sound naive given my kids are still so young but ugh! My heart!

*loved it all

I totally get it. Mine's 13, taller than me and so much more independent than he was even this time last year. He's not really believed in Santa for several years now but this year's the first when I haven't been able to persuade him to write a letter just for tradition's sake.

Steel yourselves! The weeping I did for DCs I'm doing all over again for DGD who asked about Santa this year so knows the truth. Its so hard being old and watching the little ones grow up so fast.

@ShesMadeATwatOfMePam

Those times aren't gone. They're right there in the bond you have with your children now.

That's lovely

Same here, 2 son's finished university and headed off in to the world. I get very sentimental and nostalgic and want to make them small again.
I am on my own now and I think it makes it worse. If only we could go back in time and make it happen.

@ShesMadeATwatOfMePam that made me weep 😭😭

Thank you, that's a beautiful sentiment that I will take forward with me as they grow.

@ShesMadeATwatOfMePam
That’s such a lovely thing to say, thank you. You are right.
We had some truly dreadful years with dd, and needed help. The lady we saw was AMAZING, She told us that all the love we had poured into her would be what saved us and her, I didn’t really believe her, but guess what, she was right.

I asked DH earlier if he misses the children being little. He said he liked the idea more than the reality. I think I need to take my dose tinted glasses off.

Or rose.

Yeah dh reminded me of the time we were doing competitive tiredness with non sleeping dd.

Eventually to stop squabbling we decided to write it down. Who got up and when.

26 times in one night😖.

This child is now squealing about unfinished English homework due it tomorrow. Naturally it’s our fault for ‘ talking too loud’.

How she can say that after 26 wake ups in one night l do not know!

@CornedBeef451

It's our first Christmas without Santa, not sure how I feel about that!

I already find myself wistfully looking back and they're only 9 and 12, I will definitely be a bit of a sap when they both leave home.

I do understand my parents much more now though. I went to Australia when I was 24 and DF was distraught! I completely understand that now.

Mine are 9 and 12 too. Part of my is so relived that they are old enough not to want to go and see Father Christmas and things, and can socialise by phone S bit, so this year feeling slightly thankful that they are a bit older.

When I see old photos of them I feel nostalgic for the little boy with floppy white blonde hair who’d only wear orange, and the little girl who scowled until she was about 3 and has always loved football. Then I catch a glimpse of the people they’re becoming and I can’t wait to meet them either.

My youngest is 14. I cleared out the toy cupboard on Sunday, the Nerf guns he loved so much, the souvenirs from France - an Eiffel Tower, he has no interest in, my daughter's build-a-bears, still dressed in the clothes she chose for them. I was in tears the entire time.

@darktriad it gets you, I found a tiny lightening McQueen the other day hidden in my pantry.

It’s hard to imagine no toys or children for some time, unless there’s a miracle/accident I can’t see any grandchildren for at least a decade.

It does help I think I’m peri menopausal.

Empty nest syndrome is real especially for mothers

.....and what you mean CloudyVanilla is for some mothers.

I don't want the Mums of younger children on here to think this is inevitable. It isn't. I have 3 adult dc (youngest away at her first year of University) and I LOVE this stage of their lives.
I am incredibly proud of the young adults they have grown in to.
I also enjoy their company when they are around (and on WhatsApp etc when they aren't) but I also enjoy the new freedom and extra time dh and I have to do more together, and be more spontaneous, and be able to treat ourselves more readily.

Whilst totally acknowledging that some people feel sad that their dc grow up, it is also important to say that an swful lot of us don't.

Well said @BackforGood.

I love DD to bits. She is at university and has made some lovely friends. DH and I won't see 60 again. I need her to be able to live independently and not rely on us.

I really don't understand women who spend all summer crying because their child is going to leave for university in September.