I don't want those days to have gone- kids growing up

[AFingerofFudge]

I've just randomly been overcome with sadness and tears when I glanced at DS1's old room where there's a photo montage of photos from him growing up that we made for his 18th (he's 21 now).
I'm totally not a crier and DH gave me the side eye when I appeared in our room crying.
I just don't want those days to have gone. I want him to be 2 again. Even 18 or 20 years ago standing freezing in the park while they went down the slide for the 50th time, even then I knew that I would miss those days and one day would be snivelling over old photos.
Anyone else get sad about their kids growing up or is just me?? I never knew I had the tears in me!!!

Mine Is only 2 and dc2 is due in Jan. I already know I'm going to miss all these stages so so much. I'm trying to really let them sink in and embrace them while they are here. I'm strangely looking forward to being up all night with dc2, feeding and burping her, those hours of just staring at her or pacing her up and down the room. I can't wait to have 2 days a week with ds rather than 1, even though he's so full of energy!
And yes, I cried and cried at the mcdonald's Xmas advert... I blamed it on hormones but I knew I'd have been the same without them. I could barely breathe through the tears

My DD is three and a sparkling ball of of energy and joy. I never want to imagine her any other way. Three is simply the best age ever. I’m so aware one day I’ll be looking back at this age. The other day in the supermarket something fell off a shelf and she ran to Put it back and she looked so grown up it hardly seemed like her at all 😅

Why am I crying at a Maccas advert??

Yes I was thinking this getting out the collection of child made Xmas decorations. Mine are 22,20, nearly 15 and 11Yo so all growing up fast now.

It’s lovely seeing them as grown ups but do look back and wonder where the time went.

yes, especially at this time of year. Been looking at a picture of our annual trip to get the Christmas tree from several years ago. They were all so little. They are now 22, 21, 18, 16, 14 and 12. They are all wonderful and have grown into wonderful poeple, but I do miss little them!

I get it op.
I will miss my dc so much when they have all grown up and moved out. I still have young ones and they can be hard work but I know it doesn't last forever.

I can see the change coming already with my eldest as they don't seem to want to spend as much time with us as a family. Their friends have become top priority. I miss the days where we did things all together as a family and they actually enjoyed and looked forward to it.

The McDonald's add really doesn't help!

I really feel this. It’s a loss. Dd18, was and still is a ‘challenging’ teenager . Those days of her dimple hands and bunches, even though it was hard work, I feel the loss of them.
Can’t kiss the boys anymore 11 and 13.

It’s that feeling of togetherness. I remember playing tickle monster with them all in my bed, it felt so safe and complete.

God no. I’m delighted the constant tantrums will one day be gone. My kids are horrors.

I get it as well. DDs are 17 and 14 i would give everything to go back to when they were 6 and 3, it was just the most perfect time. I am so proud of them but it makes me sad they are so big now.

We still enjoy Christmas, but for me now the magic of it has gone its it's just not the same.

My eldest goes to nursery soon and I'm going to be a blubbering mess will miss her so much. Will get quality time with the youngest though

Sorry I fell asleep a crying mess and had a very fitful sleep (really looking forward to that nightshift tonight!)
@AnnaFiveTowns you're right, it is a kind of grieving; it helps to frame it as a certain sort of loss, and I'm grateful for all the replies and relieved so many of us are blubbing at that McDonald's ad!!!!

I think this is our last year with Santa so I will be taking it all in. I used to love the magic of Christmas but I'm sure I prefer having a kid than being a kid at Christmas.

This post resonated with me because every year I panic about my parents. They're both alone and tell me how said it makes them. My dad talks about how he used to love Christmas when I was a child but now hates it as it's such a lonely time of year. My mum moans about how she is alone and hates it.

I see them both on Christmas Eve. I try to make it as good as possible for them. This year will be hard as they are tier three. My mums house is a typical dirty hoarder house so I avoid it and take her for a meal. I am trying to get my dad to allow us all to go to his but he also has shit everywhere as he is so used to living alone.

My point is that their situations are a result of their life choices. I spend from about October panicking about their feelings over one day. I spend Christmas Day with my family. They pushed themselves away from my family but every year I suffer the consequences. Putting pressure on your kids leads to them pulling away

And @shiningcuckoo - there's a poem I think that has something to do with holding your child's hand for the last time, or picking them up and putting them down for the last time- thankfully I can't find it or I'd be off again.
I took loads of video footage when the older two were young (no digital then!) and we transferred them onto DVD's. I love watching them from time to time but I do feel sad seeing their little selves.

This.... hits.... home

My son joined the military yesterday

He's 19

I'm so proud yet utterly bereft

@BibbityBobbityBellend absolutely, I agree about the pressure and I feel for you in your circumstances as that's a lot of pressure on you to make it "right" for them when they've made the choices.
DS1 lives with his girlfriend now, this is their first Christmas living together and I couldn't be happier for them. I was really conscious not to put any pressure on them about Christmas; of course I'd love DS1 to be here doing all the usual things, and DS3 who is 11 really misses him (they get on incredibly well despite the age difference) but they are understandably spending Christmas morning together, and coming over in the afternoon and that is fine by me, I want their happiness more than I want them to indulge me!

Yes, all of this! I used to get so frustrated that dd would never play alone, she always wanted me to be playing with her, never just entertained herself in her room. But she was such good little company when we were out and about on adventures - fun, smiley, chatty. Now, at, 13 - shuts herself in her room, doesnt want to do anything with me, glued to her phone. I miss her

No. DD is at university now, but I don't miss the struggles we had with her when she was tiny. She had some serious medical issues that she has grown out of, which colours my views.

Christmas isn't special any more, but for me that is the only negative.

The university Facebook group is full of women who sob all summer at the thought of their child going to university. Please don't become that parent. It makes it very hard for the student.

I totally get this. My youngest is 12 and starting to pull away. I am struggling with it, I will admit. He used to adore me and now he can be critical and wants to stay in his room alot. It hurts but I know I need to get over myself.

On a bright note I love my weekends now. Well,apart from the housework I cram in around FT work. I cook at leisure , go on long dog walks without the DCs so no whingey children and last night I had a long bath. It's not all bad I am hoping we have laid the foundations for a good relationship when they're older.

@Kbear

@Sara2000

That's a great way to see it! I still talk to my mum most days and I absolutely adore my parents company. Hopefully my son is the same, I guess it's a different type of relationship when they are older!

Relaxing weekends though - yes!

I am on a roll. The post by @BibbityBobbityBellend is so true from the other perspective on this. I am very conscious that I need to start filling the children shape gap in my life. Not immediately because they are still here, but in less then 7 years they will both be adults. I'd hate to be one of those adults who rely on their children too much as adults. My DPs are a bit like this, they have few friends etc which adds pressure.

I'm totally with you on that @Ginfordinner - my struggles with them growing up are private from them; I want them to blossom and go out and enjoy themselves without looking back at me in a guilty way.

Goodness. I don't feel like this at all. All the posts feel very alien. I'm very much looking forward to helping Ds1 go to uni. Helping him choose and pack. I'll know I've done a good job. I find most MN'ers obsessed with their dc, and living through them. Rather than the parental job of loving and guiding a child to adulthood. I honestly fear I'm got some sort of gene missing.

@missrks. Honestly, it's great. DH and I go off for long walks which there is no way we could do with the DCs in tow. Not without a lot of whining. Once coronavirus is a distant memory I think we will be having leisurely coffees and going shopping in markets. No parties, no playdates and no babysitters to rush back to. Woo hoo.