I don't want those days to have gone- kids growing up

[AFingerofFudge]

I've just randomly been overcome with sadness and tears when I glanced at DS1's old room where there's a photo montage of photos from him growing up that we made for his 18th (he's 21 now).
I'm totally not a crier and DH gave me the side eye when I appeared in our room crying.
I just don't want those days to have gone. I want him to be 2 again. Even 18 or 20 years ago standing freezing in the park while they went down the slide for the 50th time, even then I knew that I would miss those days and one day would be snivelling over old photos.
Anyone else get sad about their kids growing up or is just me?? I never knew I had the tears in me!!!

Mine too 16 & 17, both appear to have got themselves a boyfriend // girlfriend this year, both in love. I'm a spare wheel now. God it's going too quick, 3 years they will both be at Uni 😭

I’m hiding the thread. I will NEVER grieve for my children’s life as it passes. I’ve lost enough pregnancies to be massively grateful every day that my kids are still here. Still breathing. That their futures are ahead of then. It’s a fucking celebration. If you can’t see then you need to give your heads a massive great wobble.

I do find it hard to remember what it was like when they were little. It's overridden by your impression of them as teenagers.

Mine is only 4 and i'd love to do her baby years again, i don't want another baby, i want HER baby years again, she was so good and so cuddly and smiley. Still is, but i still miss that tiny squishy baby.

Not everyone copes with loss so well, neigh. I feel huge guilt because I know what you say is right.

Oh no :(

Mine are all 5 and under but I know already I will feel this way. I absolutely love being a mum of children, making their childhoods happy and magical and just being there for them and knowing their world is secure.

I had mine quite young so maybe I will just have another when I'm 40

I feel like this. My 13 year old is a lovely boy and i really enjoy his company but he is preparing to move out into the world and i realise he could head off to university in another country, marry a local and never return all in the blink of an eye. He is so different from the child he was and i miss toddler him and infant school him a lot. He cant even remember lots of things that he loved doing as a very young boy.

God yes. DH got a new phone yesterday and transferred loads of files and rediscovered some film of DS singing sweetly to his toy cars aged 4. I was in floods all of a sudden. He's now 13 and I adore him, but God I miss that little blond cherub too.

@justanotherneighinparadise that's a very cruel comment.

Empty nest syndrome is real especially for mothers. It can be a bittersweet feeling as children grow. Of course it's positive that children are grown into healthy indeoendent adults and there is part of me that will breathe a huge sigh of relief when they make it there.

It's not fair of you though to police peoples' emotions and tell them they're in the wrong for feeling a sense of missing the child version of their children. It's a very normal feeling that many people empathise with.

@justanotherneighinparadise of course we're bloody grateful for our kids being here and having a future! Doesn't mean we can't miss the baby/toddler years.

I feel this way too. I can’t quite believe my eldest will be going to secondary school next year. When I was pregnant with him, my DGM told me to ‘cherish every moment because time flies and before you know it he’ll be 50 like your Dad’. I didn’t understand that as much as I do now, looking at a 5 foot 3 tall boy with size 6 feet. He was a baby just yesterday.

justanotherneighinparadise

Your comment about bereavement made me think. I lost a parent as a very young child. This has given me abandonment/loss issues which have haunted me all my life. They have caused me significant long term mental leath issues.

But l guess l just need to get a grip eh?

And to those saying they feel heartless because they are happy/looking forward to having grown up DC- don't be hard on yourselves either! That's completely right and I feel that too. Like many things in life people are capable of feeling both of those things at the same time. It's not heartless though to not feel the "bitter" part of bittersweet :) I'm looking immensley forward to having grown up DC, grandchildren (in many many years!) And all that.

But having young children is special because it's short lived and they grow up. There's nothing wrong with feeling that bittersweet emotion of watching your sweet babies growing toward independence.

I’m almost too grateful for my children tbh.

This thread should have a warning such as "Don't read if you're prone to blubbing and there's a sad song on the radio".

There are not enough hankies in my house for this.

TBH im happy to hear the dissenters. I want to look at my adult kids and not miss the time they were little. I want to always try and enjoy the present and see what brilliant people they have (hopefully) become. So it's reassuring to hear it's possible to feel like that.

I think it's hard at the moment. Time is flying by with not much else happening so I think it makes missing what we don't have anymore easier. It's easier to be nostalgic at the moment basically.

@timeforawine

Mine is only 4 and i'd love to do her baby years again, i don't want another baby, i want HER baby years again, she was so good and so cuddly and smiley. Still is, but i still miss that tiny squishy baby.

Yes I feel this. I’m not at all broody for another baby. It’s the sadness of knowing the early years have gone and been done. I’m excited about things we will do in the future and try to be realistic about how hard life really was when they were both little and needing a lot.

@justanotherneighinparadise

I’m hiding the thread. I will NEVER grieve for my children’s life as it passes. I’ve lost enough pregnancies to be massively grateful every day that my kids are still here. Still breathing. That their futures are ahead of then. It’s a fucking celebration. If you can’t see then you need to give your heads a massive great wobble.

Sorry for you losses @justanotherneighinparadise. That must undoubtedly impact on how you feel about children and growing up etc.

I think people can feel sad about missing their babies and enjoy seeing their children grow all at the same time though.

I feel a tinge of sadness when I see my children beautiful babies photos and videos and in some ways I miss who they were. I would absolutely not want a baby again though (too many sleepless night) and As well as the sadness I also love the things we do together now they’re bigger and watching them grow.

Oh my god, I’ve done it once with my kids, now I’m doing it again with grandkids
6 between ages of 22 and 10
Loved but not needed
Waaah
Once coming now
He will get pounced on

One is coming now

Oh yes, the jelly cat toys; we have a collection of those too, now stuffed into a toy chest. When I come across them it breaks my heart.

To the posters saying words to the effect of "get a grip" and "this happened to me and it's a lot worse than what youre experiencing" just go away and dont read the thread if you don't like it. Stop with the competitive grief. We all cope with different things in different ways. You know nothing about our lives and you don't have a monopoly on grief.

I hear those that are talking about bereavement. I was very close to my cousin, she died aged 15, I was 16. I do constantly think of the things she didn't get to do. Every time I pass a milestone I think of her doing the same thing e.g. uni, having kids, getting married etc.

I don't think anyone is truly saying that they wish their child didn't grow and evolve. I'm not far on this journey, DS is only 1 but I can marvel in what he can do now and still feel wistful about bringing him home from hospital and our first Christmas last year (granted not a particularly positive experience, thanks PND).

My mum absolutely loved being a nana but it's making her a bit Misty eyed about me and my sister when we were little.

I’m so sentimental about babies and young children nowadays, so’s DH. We both look misty-eyed when we see a little one out and about.

Our two are talk, bloshy teens! DS has questionable hygiene habits right now, he’s strangely opposed to showers, eats weird things and is generally being awkward.

DD is slightly better but her room veers from tidy to a flea pit in 24 hours and her main preoccupations are giggling with her friends and shopping.

Alit of this is due to schools being closed on and off here, they’re bored and can’t do their usual sports/activities. They were so lovely and cuddly when younger.🥲

If you've got extra tissues handy, look on YouTube for Pam Ayres reading her poem The Akaroa Cannon.

Unbearable.

Wouldn't it be great if you could go on holiday to a different phase of your life?

I love my toddler DC very much but would like to be able to have a week in my pre-child life for a break. I'm sure when they are bigger I will feel sad and wish I could come back and re-experience this stage for a few days.

But simultaneously I love seeing them get older and more interesting. Also I could do with waking up by myself from time to time (not woken by shouting child), actually resting when not in work rather than full on toddler care every morning night and weekend etc.