Is buying secondhand / brand new baby stuff a class thing?

[Throwawayname123]

NC in case I get flamed for this! But I am genuinely wondering... although I won't say which side I come down on.

I'm wondering if class affects whether people buy brand new expensive baby stuff or go for second hand?
In my experience, the upper middle class types, seem to prefer second hand stuff, although they could easily afford new, whereas the more working class want their baby to have "the best" and spend £££ on things like travel systems (even though they can't afford it as easily).

@Treacletoots

It goes through all life eg see those battered Volvos at a posh horsey type event, old land rovers at a shoot! I admit my kids were the ones with tangled long hair

This thread seems very judgemental. I must be one of the few who go against what you all say. I am poor, WC, BAME single parent etc, etc. I buy second hand because that's what I can afford - but I don't buy any second hand - only things I consider are good quality. For example I never buy Ikea second hand and will wait until I see a good quality/condition piece of furniture / clothes that second hand and will
Last a long time. But I also don't buy second hand electric items - but will wait until I can afford a good quality new with warranty etc. If I had the money I would buy new and again good quality long lasting products. What I do notice though is that my home will always look dated compared to for example the homes of kids friends - who are MC and everything is high class. Beautiful flooring ,solid dining tables, tasteful art . High spec kitchens etc etc.

@EssentialHummus

Yup. I remember when DD was born our cleaner buying her the most beautiful outfit, almost for a christening - it must have cost her a day’s wages. Meanwhile the posh woman up the road dropped round a bin bag of clothes age 0-2 years that had been through all her children .

We’re wealthy. DH grew up very poor. It’s a point of pride for him that DD looks smart and we had a proper row when a friend offered us their kid’s outgrown not a scratch on it Islabike for £50. Why wouldn’t we buy DD a new one?

Please tell me you took the Islabike?! They are so expensive new it would have been criminal not to accept!

I don't like to overgeneralise, but I do think there is some truth on this. It applies to older children too. Teenagers from poorer households often wear very expensive branded trainers, or very expensive coats. In some schools in the North West these coats had to be banned from school due to the grief the schools got when they got lost or damaged.

I'm not sure of the reasons for this. I grew up in a very poor household - my parents rarely worked so we were on ebenfits. I never had any designer stuff - there just was no money for this, but we never had second hand clothes. As an adult I am in a well paid job and could easily have afforded expensive gear for my dc, but I could not bring myself to buy it because the guilt at 'wasting' so much money would eat me up. My dc went to a school with a high middle class, professional household intake. Not once did they pester me for designer gear. It just was not a 'thing' in their school. My cousin's dc,, on the other hand, went to school in a far more deprived area and designer gear was far more sought after.

There are probably many reasons for it. Certainly taking pride in your family's appearance, not wanted to feel shamed or having other people look down on you. My cousin would give up things for himself to keep his kids in the designer clothes. Maybe a sense of having control? When money is tight it feels like you can't control things around you - you can't live in the house you want, the area you want or drive the car you want, but clothes, whilst expensive, are not in the same league price wise, so you have the best you can in this one aspect of your life?

This theory works for lots of things though. If you started a thread on how many gifts DC get at Christmas the same thing would apply, albeit because the dc with less gifts at Christmas are more likely to get their bike replaced mid-year etc.

This is a really interesting thread with lots of good points.

I'm torn about whether it's a class thing or not, I do think it can often be a factor and that's probably about pride in being able to buy new if you struggle with money. But that's not always the case as PPs have pointed out. Buying second hand (if it's a good quality item in good condition) is just a sensible way to save money, whatever class box you fit into.

I am middle class (parents university educated and neither rich nor poor, sometimes struggled but we didn't want for things) and in a fortunate position to be able to afford to buy good quality new items. For me the factors include whether it's the first child - I wanted to buy new and reuse for a second child - but also just the convenience and choice of buying new. Some PPs have pointed out that trawling through charity shops and second hand selling sites takes time, I just can't be bothered - sorry! However if we have been offered second hand things we have taken them with thanks, particularly second time around for DC2 as we know how short a time things are used for, and we're not planning any more children. And DH (who is more into buying second hand, pro-environment etc than me) has got a few toys which were charity shop bargains.

Even when buying new, I didn't spend a fortune on things like travel system, cot bed etc - I do like a good deal and good value things. Also we have a Tripp trapp high chair but it was a gift. I have bought DS an expensive bike for Christmas but am justifying it by planning to reuse for DC2 and then sell it on.

namechange30, I think time is definitely a factor. In some circumstances, having the time to source high quality second hand items is actually another indicator of economic prosperity - long maternity leave etc, not having to juggle multiple jobs etc.

Not in all cases of course, but definitely a factor.

name I have hidden it in the garden and hope he forgets/doesn't care when it appears early next year.

@cheeseismydownfall

namechange30, I think time is definitely a factor. In some circumstances, having the time to source high quality second hand items is actually another indicator of economic prosperity - long maternity leave etc, not having to juggle multiple jobs etc.

Not in all cases of course, but definitely a factor.

Yes, and some rich people will be able to afford paid childcare when they're not working, which gives them time to do all sorts of things (not just bargain hunting!)

There is also childcare help from family, and I'm not sure whether that's class-related, I think there are too many factors to generalise about that. Because it's not just about whether grandparents are available to help with childcare, it's whether they want to, and/or whether the parents want them to

Watch a Ken Loach film Raining Stones it’s all about the struggle to buy a communion dress by a very poor family.there is a line said by the Priest that fits this discussion perfectly.

Agree about the confidence thing. My friend and I chatted about what we bought our sons for their first Christmas, I spent £20 and she spent £400. We both fit the demograph of what is being discussed.

I buy lots of secondhand clothes to wear but also to cut up for material. I needed a small piece of velvet. I bought a skirt for £1. To buy new velvet would have been a 15 mile drive and a minimum of half a metre and I only wanted a small piece.

Especially since lockdown the very nice leafy road I live on has had items put out for people to take. Fruit from trees, a box of books, but also large items, we put out two small matching bookcases. We had a neighbour put out a leaf blower/vacuum machine which we now have and it works perfectly.

Now they are older most of my DC tech is 2nd hand as I cant afford to get them both a new phone at the same time, or an xbox and other stuff.
DD had a 2nd hand chrome book 1 year, next year she got a new basic phone on a contract. 2 years later she wanted an iphone. She had the choice of a new one (but earlier model) on a contract, or next one up 2nd hand. She chose the 2nd hand one. She wants to upgrade again this year, and will get another 2nd hand one. (And the chrome book is still going strong from 4 years ago. )

I buy lots of secondhand clothes to wear but also to cut up for material. I needed a small piece of velvet. I bought a skirt for £1. To buy new velvet would have been a 15 mile drive and a minimum of half a metre and I only wanted a small piece.

I live in a fairly "naice" area and as such the charity shops often have nice stuff in them, or people sell almost new stuff on fb as they've upgraded whatever it was 6 months later, or their kids have outgrown very good quality clothes.
I bought a designer skirt in a charity shop for £1 and made it into a fancy dress outfit (when I say made, very minimal effort was added!) which both DC have worn multiple times.

Yes. I'm working class, I always buy new for DS. I can afford it though. Although I often buy pre owned things for myself, I have some lovely pre owned designer handbags that I got for a fraction of the price for new.

I'm working class. I've got my babies pram, next to me crib, tons of clothes, nappy bin and play gym second hand so far.

Loads of interesting posts, thanks everyone! I'm glad this turned into a good discussion (and that I didn't put this in aibu!)

Seems for the most part the theory holds, although there will be people from all classes who can't afford new stuff, and people who have an aversion to second hand stuff.
I started this thread thinking about travel systems really, after being horrified to find out that people spend 1k+ on them!

Although I'm firmly middle class (private school, horseriding etc) my mum grew up very poor, so we very much had the value of money drummed into us, and I had my first job (cleaning) at 15. I've always been pretty thrifty. DH Otoh likes to think he's not middle class as he went to a rough comp, but his family live in a beautiful detached farmhouse in the suburbs etc...

Opposite for us. Everything was second hand either charity shops, eBay or hand downs because we couldn’t afford new. The only new things they had were presents from family.
As our finances have improved I still struggle to buy new because it feels like a waste.

I haven’t read the full thread so possibly this has been said, but yes, to generalise, I think this is true. I think though that there are different cultures among class groups and that’s what’s responsible.

Ie I grew up in a quite middle class extended family in terms of education level, culture, and was always taught it was a waste of money to buy brand new, excepting a few items. However my parents were quite poor and we were quite deprived for most of my childhood, council housing, mum struggling to pay bills constantly. So when we shopped in Poundland I felt shame about that, due to knowing we couldn’t afford anything else.

Later as an adult, the largely middle class people I mixed with valued second hand shopping, and when I no longer had to but chose to, I didn’t feel ashamed. As others have said, environmental considerations come in and influence a culture - more often amongst middle class. There’s also something about showing off. I remember feeling embarrassed when buying my current house that was a step up. I don’t know what that is in class terms exactly but I know I’ve been influenced by a culture of ‘don’t lord what you have over other people’. I guess part of my experiences of having little and feeling that was shameful, not wanting others to feel like that. It’s an interesting discussion, multi-layered.

I think there's lower middle and upper middle, your DH is probably the former and you're probably the latter.

(Cross posts! I was replying to the OP)

@Throwawayname123 yes having my own babies pee / poop / sick is fine as its his, I don't like the idea of it having any other babies dirt on it.
Having said that we did buy a bumbo seat second hand off ebay, but that was as they are easily wiped clean, but that never got used anyway as my babies thighs were always to fat to get it in
I wouldn't buy new if it meant using credit or debt though, I would only buy new what we can afford.

@Throwawayname123 much like you, I came from a poorer family, not working class, kinda fallen upper class - my grandparents and great grandparents were 'landed' but I grew up as one of 4 children in a council flat.

Maybe that plays into it too - though we are more financially comfortable now, I still hate the idea of wastefulness (either of money or items) - so the idea of buying something new, which could be wasted (e.g. if DD hated her bike) doesn't sit well with me. And buying expensive items new (like a travel system, or a car) remains a luxury that I assess before I leap into it.

Yes. Definitely. There’s a woman I know of who is on benefits and is a bit of a one (I know this as there was a daily Mail article on her!) who is constantly posting for sale in a local FB for sale group and it’s all expensive kids clothes, often with description “never worn” or “worn once”. Really winds me up as how is she affording this at taxpayers expense?!

Also know of another one (who works so pays own way) but everything is a show, top level this and that (expensive clothes, extravagant birthday parties) but I do think they are lacking in confidence and have this need to project a certain image to the outside world.

At times, when I’ve been low, the second person I’ve described has made me feel depressed and think I ought to spend more on our kids (we have the money) but then I give my head a wobble and remember they have absolutely everything they need and more and that I’d just be doing it to project a certain image to the outside world. So instead I push my second hand, second time around used pram in the knowledge that I’ve not wasted a grand on something which is ultimately used very little and I shan’t be buying my (8 week old as he will be then) baby anything for Christmas as he’s too young to understand and has all of his brothers old (pristine) toys and clothes.

@PineappleUpsideDownCake

There is that. If you went to the charity shop on the local estate here they sell tescos t shirts for more than Tescos!

The NCT sale in the wealthy place I used to live was truly amazing! Wealth breeds wealth. A wealthy well connected mum gets goven lovely second hand bits from friends. Poorer person doesnt get that headstart.

Even above poster who values second hand said grandparents spent a fortune on the first child so it could be passed down.

Of you dont have the weathy grandparents i the first place they have no choice but to buy cheap and buy twice.

People dont see their own privilege

Yes, free to those who can afford it, very expensive to those who can’t ( as a drunk fellow once said)

I have bought second hand from neccessity in the past and now I do it because I enjoy finding a bargain.

No I think it’s individual I know a lot of people on low incomes that buy the bulk of their baby stuff on Facebook market place