Is buying secondhand / brand new baby stuff a class thing?

[Throwawayname123]

NC in case I get flamed for this! But I am genuinely wondering... although I won't say which side I come down on.

I'm wondering if class affects whether people buy brand new expensive baby stuff or go for second hand?
In my experience, the upper middle class types, seem to prefer second hand stuff, although they could easily afford new, whereas the more working class want their baby to have "the best" and spend £££ on things like travel systems (even though they can't afford it as easily).

Yes OP, I agree.

I really don’t get folks obsession with class on here. I never see it in real life.

People talk about and admit to things on MN that they wouldn't be open about in real life. Most people (well, Brits) in real life probably make all kinds of class-related judgments and assumptions. They just don't say them out loud.

I agree 100% with PP.

My DH will never ever not iron a t-shirt, he thinks he will be judged if he's wearing a creased top it's a point of pride. He is black and feels like a lot of judgement is stacked against him already.

For him, making sure his son looks well put together is a huge point of pride. I suppose it's an insecurity of sorts. Where we live the kids look like they're playing dress up and they often have holes in clothes but people live in £2m houses. It's all a funny paradox.

Dunno. Bought new car seats as safer. New pram because we wanted an off roader. I bought a few clothe items from eBay but stopped as hated the experience. Lot easier for me to just order new clothes online from shops, and use family hand me downs.

Yes- I am a frequent user of charity shops and see the following customers often

Middle class women (50-65) who are not particularly fashion conscious but like a good second hand coat or jumper and also like the books and fabrics which they will then use in sewing or quilting

Older working class women who know the value of a pound and thrift is a habit for them- they also come for a gossip

Immigrant women ( large Polish community in my town) who are quite astounded by what people give away and buy loads of kids clothes, toys etc

The odd hipster on the look out for a vintage piece

Very few working class young mothers- they love the ridiculously expensive baby shop in the market with all the bows etc and payment plans for the prams which cost almost as much as a small car.

No judgement just observation.

Yup. I remember when DD was born our cleaner buying her the most beautiful outfit, almost for a christening - it must have cost her a day’s wages. Meanwhile the posh woman up the road dropped round a bin bag of clothes age 0-2 years that had been through all her children .

We’re wealthy. DH grew up very poor. It’s a point of pride for him that DD looks smart and we had a proper row when a friend offered us their kid’s outgrown not a scratch on it Islabike for £50. Why wouldn’t we buy DD a new one?

You're probably right. Certainly our experience tallies: probably upper middle and we got lots of second hand stuff for our babies. I also buy second hand clothes for them now (I'd say 70% is second hand), and second hand school uniform where I can.

I can easily afford new, but there doesn't seem to be much point and I think ecologically it's much better to reuse than to buy new.

I buy myself second hand stuff too, and wear passed down clothes from relatives etc, so it's not just kids.

@PineappleUpsideDownCake yes you're probably right I hadn't thought of that. It could be seen as "evidence" that she can't cope etc.
Although it doesn't disprove my theory

preloved doesn,t mean has to be grubby and misssized clothes can be new or preloved. But I get your post and I agree. Aslo when children come into nursery mismatched and a more well of/ middle class parent says they chose their own clothes poeple give a smile. (even if thinking well thats where the adult comes in.) If it,s a less well of or working class parent people are more judgemental.

I don't think it's the fear of being looked down on that drives it. Often it's old-fashioned lack of financial sense. Buying new baby clothes makes zero financial sense.

@PineappleUpsideDownCake

The sad thing is that a mother and child walking out of housing assoc in a grubby buggy and not quite the right sized clothes will be judged. A quirky hippy wealthy type in the same set up in the country not so much.

These threads often lead to the middle class patting themselves on their back for being suprrior for buying second hand and looking down on less privilidged. They're actually contributing to the judgement people feel...

Yep, this completely

I've been selling a lot of baby stuff recently and I made exactly this observation to DH.

Although personally I'm sure I would be judged as 100% middle class by others but I actually really struggle to bring myself to buy second hand and I also iron everything. I don't know what's behind it tbh, my parents are both from working class backgrounds (but well off now) so maybe it is that.

My family have always been well off, and DH and I are now as well. I remember as a child most of my stuff came from charity shops (and then went back there afterwards if it was still useable). I actually remember aged about 13 asking my mum if I could please have some clothes that weren't from the charity shop! Soon after my parents started giving me an allowance so I could choose my own.

I bought some babygrows and vests and other bits and bobs a while ago on fb marketplace that were in absolutely perfect condition, washed, folded and put in a nice gift bag! I think for the princely sum of £8 :)

I can actually spell 🤦‍♀️.

There are a number of other versions of this too...

"I dont see why they haven to go over the top with a party - we just have ours at home in the garden." Good for you if you have a garden/can fit more than a couple of friends in your house.

I've seen it so often.

I've bought a few bits second hand like a perfect prep and a Jumperoo. So much of the 2nd hand stuff locally to me though is either absolutely filthy, ridicously overpriced, or just not suitable.
Personally I'd prefer to go to Sainsburys and pick up some clothes for dc at a reasonable price, than traipse about charity shops hoping to find something the right season / style / size, or even worse deal with the batshit mothers on the FB selling sites.
Some people value time over money, I'm one of them, I don't think my class has anything to do with that.

Yes. See NCT nearly new sales.

These threads often lead to the middle class patting themselves on their back for being suprrior for buying second hand and looking down on less priviliged.

That’s what it sounds like.

The only people I know going round NCT sales and buying other second-hand stuff are those who can’t comfortably afford to spend £££ on a bunch of new stuff.

We’ve got almost everything new (bar a few family hand-me-downs) as it’s just easier and much quicker to get nice clothes that go or a buggy that’s in perfect condition and can last a couple of children. It’ll be all given away once we don’t need it so no environmental concerns.

The only thing a baby really needs brand new is mattresses for the bassinet, cot etc. Apart from that...

Though there is someone in my family who isisted that everything offered for the new baby had to be brand new and all clothing must be white! The baby proved to be a sicky one that regurgitated on everything in sight, so nothing stayed white for long.

I think it can also be partly a case of the Sam vines boot rule (for the Terry pratchett fans) often the more wealthy circles you move in the more things last to be passed on. So the more money you have the better quality the original and it can last for a long time. If you have less to spend you may need to buy again for 2nd DC for example.

I grew up middle class and honestly my family could afford to spend alot on first DC (my first DC was a long time after any other and due to the family dynamic money rather than time was on offer) but because they spent a decent amount it was all absolutely fine for ds2.

I do think there is a cultural aspect. I do find exdh family were obsessive about having insanely expensive travel systems when they could barely afford food for the parents. They honestly couldn't understand I preferred secondhand and I love a good charity shop run. Even now at 8 and 5 , I find better quality clothes in great styles that aren't in the shops (I am not really a fashion follower for DC or myself so drives me mad when I can't find what I want because it's not current fashion.....charity shops often come up trumps).

Exdh family saw it as swanky and I couldn't understand it. Having said that DP grew up far poorer than any of them did and he balks heavily at buying new until he has exhausted secondhand options.

Skanky not swanky

Completely agree that with money comes confidence. I grew up very working class (council estate) and am now upper middle class in terms of wealth. I shop in charity/consignment stores all the time for my kids but my mother won't even come in the stores with me. She's embarrassed that someone might think we "have to" buy used. I love the fact that we are being eco-conscious and thrifty.

pineapple, you are absolutely right. Its desperately unfair and reflective of the deep structural inequalities we have in this country. As humans we are incredibly astute at reading cues, and second-hand clothes are just a small part of the picture we use to form snap judgements about class. I think anyone who has grown up in this country would be able to place a candid photo of someone into their social class with a very high degree of accuracy.

I lived in the US for a few years an it was interesting to discover differently people signal (consciously or unconsciously) their status there. It was really refreshing, as an outsider, to not be able to read this stuff in the same way.

There is that. If you went to the charity shop on the local estate here they sell tescos t shirts for more than Tescos!

The NCT sale in the wealthy place I used to live was truly amazing! Wealth breeds wealth. A wealthy well connected mum gets goven lovely second hand bits from friends. Poorer person doesnt get that headstart.

Even above poster who values second hand said grandparents spent a fortune on the first child so it could be passed down.

Of you dont have the weathy grandparents i the first place they have no choice but to buy cheap and buy twice.

People dont see their own privilege

I don't think you're right op.

I would say the vast majority of people buy new for their first pram/travel system. Remember a lot of people are gifted these from grandparents.

A small minority will buy second hand for the first pram, some who simply don't really care about new, and some that can't afford new. This transcends class.

Most people will buy second hand for subsequent kids or replacement pushchairs as the child grows, as they realise its pointless spending so much money on somthing you only need temporarily, that gets puked in and rolled through mud. Some people will still buy new but agian its an attitude thing not a class thing.

@cheeseismydownfall (great name by the way) that's interesting, why/how is it so different in the US?

I'm only half british actually but spent much of my childhood in far away places as expats, which is quite different really because everyone passes stuff like baby clothes around because the alternative is getting it shipped in.