Most bonkers complaint/dispute you’ve had at work?

[ChooseYourLameName]

Someone rang me today to complain I’d sent them a letter in an envelope I’d licked!

I don’t have any envelopes to lick. They all have a sticky bit you expose by removing the seal.

I couldn’t quite believe it. When I said it really wasn’t licked, he said ‘‘I can smell mouthwash you know!’’ Only satisfied when I said although I really didn’t lick it, I would post any future letters with tape to avoid misunderstanding. The strangest professional call I’ve had to ever take, bloody hell.

What’s your most bonkers dispute?

I once had a colleague complain that my bap was too close to her drink in the fridge and she was vegetarian. I quickly agreed to move it to another shelf but she still didn’t seem pleased it was still close by!

Where the flying fuck do I start?! So many crazies out there!!!😂

Ours was toilet related.
I was a deputy in a residential home and we had a very nice staff loo near the laundry area. It was warm, clean and had a window that opened. It was well ventilated and did not impact on the nearby laundry room.
The laundry lady was obsessed with anyone who might dare poo in this toilet. She would literally wait outside and demand to know the purpose of your visit!
She brought the issue up regularly at staff meetings she claimed it was a health and safety issue. She wanted a rule that only ‘short visits’ were permitted - anything else you had to find another loo. The manager got fed up of it, it caused great discussions during tedious staff meetings.
I’m pleased to report everyone kept using it for its intended purpose. Everyone left it in a clean state. Most of us worked long shifts.

Someone wanted X to get a written warning for breaching the company Health & Safety Protocol on COVID because they’d allegedly seen X’s husband not wearing a mask. X’s husband doesn’t work for the company, and this alleged incident didn’t happen on company property.

I’m a lawyer.

As a junior working at a big firm, I was looking after a case file for a solicitor on holiday - the file was for a particularly controlling client who wanted to see and approve EVERY piece of correspondence, however minor. I duly sent over a draft letter which she approved. I then attached said letter to an email to the opposition, which said “dear sir - please find attached correspondence”.

She emailed the firms complaints partner to complain about me sending unapproved correspondence (the covering email!) who fortunately gave her short shrift. His reply (which I was blind copied into) was “Madam, I presume you were aware that the letter would have to have been sent via some medium, whether this be via email or envelope, neither of which you should expect to have sight of, and therefore I suggest we waste no further time discussing such a non point”

I had a customer accuse me of wanting to throw paint on her. I was at work, and nowhere near any paint! All I’d done was ask an innocent question about her fur coat.

I was in Cambridge and the animal rights activists were so scary that I was shocked anyone would wear a fur coat. My manager told me off and in future I was not to mention it when I saw someone in a fur coat.

A visitor once tried to invoice us for a (very expensive) watch service as he claimed his watch lost time after his visit and it was our fault.

We declined.

I used to work in a very large open plan office managing a team of around 30 people each with their own computer/workstation.

While I preferred a clear desk many people 'decorated' theirs with baby pictures and all sorts of personal possessions. One guy in his 20s bought one of those gonks in with long hair and attached it to the top of his computer screen.

He had a day off and the next day there was a morning of rows and unpleasantness as he loudly accused someone of messing with his troll's hair while he wasn't there. He was livid.

Nobody had touched his stupid troll.

I'm in the legal department of my regions social housing department (not UK) . A tenant called us numerous times complaining about her bathroom-no functional issues just a bit outdated and inefficient. Explained to her at least 6 times that an improvement scheme was planned and got her consent for it. Fast forward 6 months and who's up for rent arrears.... She maintained I told her to withhold the rent until the bathroom was upgraded 🙄 thank fuck I had her signed consent form for the upgrade scheme which clearly stated tenants in arrears were not eligible. She actually suggested I pay 50 percent of her arrears as it was 'all your fault for misadvising me!'.

I worked in a job centre for a while. I got lots of funny complaints :

• that his appointments were too early in the day (at 2pm) as he slept in due to. His work habits.
• coming in dressed in their work gear complaining they'd had their benefits cut off as found working
• accusing me of being antisemitic (I am Jewish the customer was not)

Slightly different but I once had a parent of a child in Reception write to the Chair of Gods to complain about me as I refused to send her child (aged 5) home by himself as she couldn’t get to school to pick him up. I’d phoned her about 15 mins after the end of the day to see where she was, she was at a funeral wake, sounded drunk and wanted me to send him home because ‘someone would be in to meet him’. They lived about a mile away across a busy main road.

A customer came into my shop and asked where another shop was, I politely gave him directions, he then asked me if they stocked a certain product, I told him I didn't know, he got quite angry with me telling me I was stupid and shouldn't be working in a shop, I tried to explain that I didn't work in the shop he wanted but he walked out with a temper.

I was working in a supermarket years ago and someone returned a reduced 10p family sized apple crumble because it wasn't crunchy enough on top. She'd eaten almost the whole thing and didn't understand why we would only refund her the 10p she paid for it and not the original price. Bonkers.

I'm a hairdresser..

Years ago a client, had her hair cut very short ( first time in the salon) ... came in 8 weeks later complaining that her hair had grown , she wanted her money back ... 🙄

Wasnt really sure what she was expecting 🤷‍♀️

I worked in a school with a mad teacher called Robin. She had Robins on everything, including a mug. One day it went missing. We suspected a teacher who often made hot drinks for her class but it wasn't there. Robin made three members of SMT scour the school for the mug, while we searched our classrooms. School was suspended for about half an hour until the mug was found on her desk.

She alleged bullying because we had not moved fast enough to find the mug.

In a previous job, someone said I was bullying her. I wasn't and in fact, had spent a great deal of time helping and supporting her over a couple of years.
The whole thing went to a big meeting with managers and HR. They asked the employee for her evidence, to explain what was happening; she said I must be "moving things in her office". When asked to elaborate, she said her vase had been moved! That was it!
We almost burst out laughing but no-one actually did. The case went no-where....

Work in an opticians....

Had someone complain their glasses made their vision too clear.

Someone (not one of our customers) who came in and wanted to use our copier and fax for free for something completely random. Seemed genuinely flummoxed and kicked off when we said no and directed them to the library down the road.

Complained their glasses were no good and wanted a refund - couldn't see out of them for the last 6 months. He had bought them over 10 years previously and didn't accept that his vision could change in that time.

But seriously, so many crazy complaints. You don't realise how common it is until you work with the general public day in day out.

I worked in a supermarket many years back.

A woman came in shouting and demanding to see a manager about a highly important matter. She was really angry, and visibly shaking.

When the manager arrived it transpired that she had innocently bought a Thomas the Tank Engine did, sat and watched it with her grandkid, only to be confronted with a train crash in the programme.

The poor manager was trying to calm her down but she was demanding that warning stickers should be put on all the dvds, that children were too young to know that train crashes were a thing, she wanted the supermarket to pay compensation for counselling.

How the manager eventually calmed her down, and managed to keep a straight face I don't know.

It was absolutely crazy.

As a teen I used to work in Safeway (RIP) and when we were on the checkouts we had to offer everyone a free ABC magazine (loyalty card magazine for those not familiar with defunct supermarkets’ loyalty schemes). After serving one woman she queued for ages at the customer service desk to complain she didn’t want the free magazine I’d offered.....just don’t take one then?

A junior colleague tried to claim harassment when another colleague opened the door to the room she was in, and the door handle brushed her breasts. Yes, she was short. No, it went nowhere.

I'm a university lecturer and when we mark work it gets moderated and occasionally marks hey changed - sometimes this means the student gets awarded a higher mark. This happened to a student a few years ago and he put in a formal complaint. He actually complained about getting a better mark!

I worked in a school with a mad teacher called Robin. She had Robins on everything.

^^ this made me laugh far more than it should.

Which font should be used on an internal spreadsheet.... We had several meetings about it..... I quit before the decision was made, it took them that long.

As a student nurse I worked weekends in a cafe. Someone once ordered the 4 cheese pasta and sent it back because it was "too cheesy".

A colleague brought it to everyone's attention in our team meeting that she thought I was drinking too much of the office water and it would be better for the company if I brought water from home to do me in the morning then at lunch time I should go and find an alternative water fountain to refil my bottle for the afternoon.

The water filter system we used was connected to the kitchen tap so there was no way we would run out even if I drunk 10 gallons a day. The kitchen was also ten steps from my desk so I wasn't as though I was disappearing for long stretches of time to refil my bottle 😕.

Thankfully the office manager dismissed her concerns and I was allowed to remain hydrated at work.

The customer who was furious she couldn't get a free replacement diary because her current one was looking a bit tatty and dog-eared and 'wasn't fit for purpose'. In October. She'd been using it for 10 months! Not unusual to get people chancing it and seeing if they can get a freebie but she stood out.