Does anyone else have a far fetched and dramatic escape plan, or is it just me?

[FortunesFavour]

To be clear, I’m not talking about escaping from bad relationships or awful jobs - nothing sensible like that. No, I’m talking about escape plans from monsters, spies, aliens etc, just in case it should become necessary .

With me it’s zombies. I love a good shambling zombie and for years I’ve always had a plan in each place I’ve lived for what I would do in a zombie attack...where I would hide, which drainpipe I would shimmy down, where I could find an armoured truck and so on. Important stuff I’m sure you’ll agree!

I don’t believe in them of course - I am fully sane I assure you! It’s just idle speculation when bored, or a game. Eg leaving an empty train platform, I’ll imagine a train pulling up and disgorging zombies onto the platform...run or hide? How long would they take to reach me (this of course v much depends on whether you have a stumbler a la Walking Dead, or a runner a la 28 Days Later- in which case you’re stuffed and might as well throw in the towel straight away).

It might surprise you to learn that I’m not a teenage boy, but a professional woman in her 40s! P’raps it’s just escapism - fictional monsters being easier to deal with than current reality.

Anyone else have a plan in mind? Doesn’t have to be zombies - aliens, dragons, tigers, assassins, demons and stormtroopers all welcome...just no real threats as that spoils the fun (so planning hiding spots from MIL and the kids doesn’t count!).

Or is it just me?

I believe the "shed" in Jurassic Park was actually a portable toilet (I need to find the book to double check this).

I don't have a portable toilet in my garden, you'll be glad to know 

"saving you from a date worse than death. Phew!" @FortunesFavour Haha, haven't we all had one of them...

I'm literally the worse and think I'd be the first to die if we were overrun with zombies or aliens or whatever because I just couldn't be bothered with an escape plan

Actually. I have a feeling he survived in the book...

See the problem is that I do not get on with my ex (with whom I share custody of our son) but he would be very good in this sort of situation. Plus it would be breaching our joint custody if one of us left with our son so it would make sense to travel together. We would probably be quite effective in fighting zombies as a team but it would be TORTURE having to spend extended time with him. I can just imagine him constantly criticising my anti-zombie fortifications while sitting on his bum doing nothing (I am more practical so would be much better at anti-zombie fortifications than him). And then probably suggesting sex at some point. Bleurgh. On the plus side if it ever came to it I could push him into the way of the zombies to save myself and our son (its his son too so he should be grateful I am putting him first)

But also when we were still together I tried discussing this. My theory was that in an emergency situation he should be the one to grab our toddler son and run as he is by far the faster runner especially while carrying a child. I would stay and fight of the zombies/terrorists/velociraptors while they got away. But apparently I was strange for wanting to make a plan??? You can see why we broke up!

(My son is probably a faster runner than me now so this is less of an issue unless he was injured)

About 12 years ago I watched a documentary which speculated on what might happen if when the Yellowstone supervolcano erupts.

Highlights included roofs of houses collapsing because the volcanic dust, once mixed with rain, turns into concrete and the roof structure can't bear the weight. Yes - in England too ! All over the world. As a special BOGOF offer, the inside of people's lungs also got covered with the aforementioned concrete (inhaled dust + moisture in lungs) so THEY ALL DIED.

I therefore ordered a load of dust masks from Amazon. They have been in the cupboard for more than a decade. I used one once when sanding the bathroom door and was very smug about the other 99 when the pandemic started.

Of course they are dust masks not surgical masks but still. Vindicated.

I have a plan.
I know which neighbour's vehicle I'm going to steal, where I'm going to get supplies and what zombie killing weapons I'm gathering.

I also intend to take action as soon as any rumours appear, rather than ignore everything and pretend it's going to blow over like most people in zombie films or books do.

My pandemic plan wasn t as well thought out but I did enact it earlier than other people I know did. That plan involved buying printer paper and ink and fancy pens. Not really quite as dramatic as the zombie one.

@FortunesFavour see, I was looking at it from the point of view of large quantities of herbicide and fuel at the agricultural college and therefore plenty of opportunities for triffid population reduction. You do however make an excellent point about them hiding in amongst all the other plants.

You also clearly appreciate a good tractor!

Aaah @ Magpiecomplex, forgive the misunderstanding. I hadn’t thought about wholesale triffid slaughter potential offered by herbicides and flamethrowers at the agricultural college. It’s a very good point and I commend your pro-active approach - rather than hiding from the enemy you want to go out all guns blazing and wipe them off the face of the earth. Quite right too, go for it and take no prisoners!

@Magpiecomplex even!

I’m impressed @DanielODonkey. You've got your vehicle, supplies and weapons sorted and understand that spotting the signs early on and taking action before the general public cotton on and get all hysterical is absolutely key.

In fact you’re a bit too well prepared for my liking....what are you up to??🤨🧐

Oh I do this all the time, but with climate related or unspecified natural disasters. Particularly tsunami or flooding and earthquakes.

When I was a teenager I used to daydream about how I'd save people I fancied from natural disasters and we'd camp in the park or whatever and be resourceful and oddly happy.

Well yes @yetanothernamitynamechange, I certainly can see why you left him. It’s downright irresponsible parenting to not even engage in zombie/terrorist/velociraptor emergency planning considerations about HIS OWN SON!! Clearly he expects you, or wider society to pick up the pieces when it happens. Ffs 🙄

Might I suggest a possible solution @yetanothernamitynamechange? Why don’t all 3 of you come to my fortress? You and DS can have a nice room and we can put your skills to good use building fortifications etc. Ex can join the chain gang and live in the basement, and we’ll wheel him out as and when necessary should we get into any large scale battles or need to send someone out to their death as a decoy?

@BalloonSlayer I remember that documentary. Didn't buy masks though. Last time i got freaked out by too much apocalypse themed dramas, I did invest in candles, wind up & solar powered radio & torches... somewhere under the stairs is some bottled water (should probably have drunk that, does water go off in plastic?)

I felt a lot calmer about a Dalek attack when I moved from a flat to a house. The Cybermen on the other hand ......

Yes @TheDogsMother - you’ve got to love an evil empire whose homicidal plans to rule the universe are completely scuppered by a flight of stairs 😂

@FortunesFavour 😂

I have no escape plans (except buggering off to Brazil with the petty cash), but just wanted to let you know this thread brings a grin to my face. Keep going!

One more bloody lockdown and I shall be putting up a sign in the garden that says "Alien abduction welcome".

@FortunesFavour @TheDogsMother This is probably outing but I regularly lobby to include Daleks in the business continuity planning for our single storey building. My colleagues just won't admit that we're sitting ducks!

I do feel though that Cybermen make such a din stomping around, we'd probably notice them coming in plenty of time to get away.

@Magpiecomplex Your colleagues need to take the threat a lot more seriously in my opinion. They should thank you for your business continuity planning. Perhaps a few thick rugs in the workplace ?

Agree completely with @TheDogsMother - what sort of crap business continuity planning is that? Your colleagues are just plain lazy @Magpiecomplex if they can’t even be bothered to plan against Daleks. Daleks are easy - all they’d have to do is add an extra story and pop in a spiral staircase and voila! Confused daleks trundling aimlessly around the ground floor til they give up and go home.