Does anyone else have a far fetched and dramatic escape plan, or is it just me?

[FortunesFavour]

To be clear, I’m not talking about escaping from bad relationships or awful jobs - nothing sensible like that. No, I’m talking about escape plans from monsters, spies, aliens etc, just in case it should become necessary .

With me it’s zombies. I love a good shambling zombie and for years I’ve always had a plan in each place I’ve lived for what I would do in a zombie attack...where I would hide, which drainpipe I would shimmy down, where I could find an armoured truck and so on. Important stuff I’m sure you’ll agree!

I don’t believe in them of course - I am fully sane I assure you! It’s just idle speculation when bored, or a game. Eg leaving an empty train platform, I’ll imagine a train pulling up and disgorging zombies onto the platform...run or hide? How long would they take to reach me (this of course v much depends on whether you have a stumbler a la Walking Dead, or a runner a la 28 Days Later- in which case you’re stuffed and might as well throw in the towel straight away).

It might surprise you to learn that I’m not a teenage boy, but a professional woman in her 40s! P’raps it’s just escapism - fictional monsters being easier to deal with than current reality.

Anyone else have a plan in mind? Doesn’t have to be zombies - aliens, dragons, tigers, assassins, demons and stormtroopers all welcome...just no real threats as that spoils the fun (so planning hiding spots from MIL and the kids doesn’t count!).

Or is it just me?

A good solid plan from GenderApostate. Might I also suggest sourcing some land mines to lay across the manicured lawns? (Awful, evil things, but I feel we can make an exception if we’re only blowing up the undead).

@scrolleatsleeprepeat I'm more worried that OP is a zombie and is trying to find out our survival plans. I've also given this a lot of thought and will not be sharing.

I thought I was a right weirdo for planning this all out in my head!! I’ve tried to explain my plans to my household on many occasions but they don’t listen.
I live very close to an army base so that’s where I plan to go (sod the rest of my household - they’ve been warned enough!). If that fails then there’s a church over the road where I could lock the gates and hole up for a while.

@GenderApostate19 I wouldn’t risk a pharmacy or supermarket personally as that’s where all of the looters go and you generally want to avoid that sort. Could I suggest trying OAP bungalows or sheltered housing instead? Should have a canny stash of pills and fray bentos pies and the zombies will also be older and slower so much more manageable.

Just be wary with the strip searches OP as I believe other/natural deaths can also turn people into zombies. I don’t know the full science behind the possibly of being an asymptotic carrier plus an actual zombie bite causing a quicker turning? Perhaps viral loading?

How very dare you Dicksurprise. I am NOT a zombie I’ll have you know, I am a respectable megalomaniac fantasist with a leather fetish I’ll have you know. It’s an important distinction. Harrumph.

Oops, fat finger fail, DUCK surprise as opposed to dick! Sorry for the accidental insult Duck (although you kind of deserve it for trying to undermine me with your zombie accusations. I’m putting you on my special list for Latrine cleaning duties)

Good point about the strip searches Brogues. I’ll have to kidnap a couple of scientists so it’s done properly. I wonder if Chris Whitty might be available? 🧐

I’m glad I have a loft with a ladder. In the first instance, I’d get my family up there then pull up the ladder. Er that’s as far as I’ve got.
My plan is pretty basic. It needs more work but I do get stressed out when I think about toilets and the lack of functional plumbing. If someone could help me with that then I could progress further. Thanks.

Also loving your suggestion for targeting old folks homes for pies and drugs. I hadn’t thought of that and it’s a great plan. Not only cunning and low risk, but also really unfair on the oldsters who need protecting. Which is totally in keeping with our cruel post-apocalyptic world where only the strong will survive (as well as the strong’s friends and family, those who the strong fancies and those who do a good job with their sycophancy and bribes).

10/10, keep up the good work.

Do you have anything to trade for that help you are wanting @Foghead?

@Brogues I have some spare wind up torches, lots of coal and a bin bag full of coats that I was going to take to the charity shop. You’re welcome to a coat or two. It will be a long cold winter....

The loft is a good call Foghead, but do watch out for fires, you don’t want to get yourself trapped. Consider rigging up a slide from the roof to the back garden, or maybe a fireman’s pole.

Large bucket, bag of sawdust, small scoop. Toilet with no water sorted!!

My cannisters from stores plan is clearly not workable - it's just what my brain was doing to me at 4.30am....

Now, boats, I can source down rather than up the hill - I am good at rowing them or making outboard engines go (but that would be noisy) - but need someone else to deal with sails to be able to go further than the end of the pier.

Sorry but ‘DickSurprise’.
I’m at work and I let out a small snort at that.

We recently discovered that the unassuming looking building in the next village that we thought did something like bodywork for posh cars (based purely on their company logo) actually makes bomb disposal equipment and has an underground explosive testing facility - so we know just where we’re heading! Kaboom 💥

I've been watching: 'Lost in Space' with my kids on Netflix.

SpaceAliens not zombies but the MUM kicks ass in all situations :)

Excellent intelligence there Spudlet. You’ll just have to plan a shock and awe raid on the facility to steal the explosives, and then you can sit out the end of the world in comfort with zombie parts strewn across the vicinity having blown them up. Added bonus is that pesky humans after your stash will be scared away by all the blood and guts you’ve scattered around. Nice.

Yes I think that was a Freudian slip Melly. DuckSurprise was undermining me and spreading misinformation, probably in an effort to form a rival group of desperadoes. This shall not be tolerated.

May I permit myself to share my moment of smugness from earlier this year? (as I know you are a suitable audience to appreciate my brilliance)

My friends have laughed at and mocked me for years about my Zombie Apocalypse Plan. But who was laughing back in April when they all wanted to make banana bread and do some gardening and post about it on Instagram - yet they had no flour or suitable garden implements? I was able to give them flour from my sealed drum in the secret pantry and lend them lobotomisers spades and shovels galore.

I love my friends really They all started writing their own Plans too.

I'm betting a lot of us here love a spreadsheet/list or two, also?

I wish I could say that I had a large stockpile ready. What I like to do instead is stockpile in my head as it’s much cheaper.
I like to check out the gear on Amazon and write lists.

Well done ScrollEatSleepRepeat, you deserve to feel smug. My mates laugh at me too for this. I take comfort that I’d have the last laugh when they’re fleeing from the advancing terror and begging me to save them from having their brains eaten. I might let them into my fortress, might not, see how I feel on the day.

Nope, no spreadsheets here, shakes head desperately hoping everyone believes her....

Well, I will admit to 1 spreadsheet (shh!) - organising my Christmas present purchases and makes as I have over 50 to do and DH readily admitted that he only ever thinks about 2 (DD and me) so he is already done...

Never be ashamed of your spreadsheets BiddyPop, they are a source of strength. The bible needs updating imho - it is not the meek who shall inherit the earth, it is the well organised who have planned properly in advance.

That’s good to know OP. I’m very well organised and I look forward to receiving my inheritance. When’s it due?

I rate any new car on a scale of how good it would be in a zombie apocalypse. Current favourite ( though I can't afford it) is a Toyota land cruiser.