Does anyone else have a far fetched and dramatic escape plan, or is it just me?

[FortunesFavour]

To be clear, I’m not talking about escaping from bad relationships or awful jobs - nothing sensible like that. No, I’m talking about escape plans from monsters, spies, aliens etc, just in case it should become necessary .

With me it’s zombies. I love a good shambling zombie and for years I’ve always had a plan in each place I’ve lived for what I would do in a zombie attack...where I would hide, which drainpipe I would shimmy down, where I could find an armoured truck and so on. Important stuff I’m sure you’ll agree!

I don’t believe in them of course - I am fully sane I assure you! It’s just idle speculation when bored, or a game. Eg leaving an empty train platform, I’ll imagine a train pulling up and disgorging zombies onto the platform...run or hide? How long would they take to reach me (this of course v much depends on whether you have a stumbler a la Walking Dead, or a runner a la 28 Days Later- in which case you’re stuffed and might as well throw in the towel straight away).

It might surprise you to learn that I’m not a teenage boy, but a professional woman in her 40s! P’raps it’s just escapism - fictional monsters being easier to deal with than current reality.

Anyone else have a plan in mind? Doesn’t have to be zombies - aliens, dragons, tigers, assassins, demons and stormtroopers all welcome...just no real threats as that spoils the fun (so planning hiding spots from MIL and the kids doesn’t count!).

Or is it just me?

Omg this is a regular topic of conversation in our house! I thought we were alone in our wannabe Walking Dead scenarios!
Our choice a local TA centre too which is very close to a large supermarket and Homebase. We'd have food, weapons and seeds and soul to grow our own food on the roof. Keep us going for a while!

Soil not soul 🙂

Well the pub is always a good option movingonupto20, but I’d feel a bit more comfortable fending them off with tanks or a moat rather than pool cues.

PS you’ve got all red on you

The trouble with fortified castles/TA centre/prisons is the chance of people turning within - as proven on TWD. That’s why I was thinking a fortified street would be better? Much more chance of being able to kill Bob from no 15 before he had your arm in his mouth if he was wandering about early in the morning looking a bit hung over?

Right again Brogues, if the virus gets past those gates then it’ll just be a festival of gore. And we’ve already got a wrong’un on this very thread who is planning to sneak their infection past the barricades....hard stare at user147156etc 🤨.

Fear not, I also have a plan for this short of shady behaviour. All survivors entering my castle/supertanker/army base shall be subjected to a strip search in case of bites and scratches. It will all be very dignified and done behind screens, but done it will be. There shall be no buggers sneaking their infections past the guards in my compound, no sirree.

My middle of the night woes on Saturday were about flood waters rising, and I had moved on from useful clothes for winter and outdoors, meds and torches and first aid kit - to which cannisters of my stores I could bring (I was bringing flour, rice, beans and sugar for definite) and as I ran out the door with a bulging back pack, looked sideways to see photoalbums ignored and realised I had no passports or spare cash either....

My emergency bolthole involves a local art college (it used to be a seminary) - it's massive, has old fireplaces to use for heat/cooking, but is well off the road and hidden, and unlikely to be used. So plenty of places upstairs where we could hunker down and not be noticed (block windows so light doesn't show, only light fires after dark so smoke doesn't get seen, big enough rooms with high enough ceilings that the odd gas camping stove boiling of a kettle won't suffocate us with carbon monoxide...). There is a dungeons and dragons society with medieval weapons to raid, and can use other tech to put up defences to confuse them as to where actual people are or video installations....

Special commendation for BiddyPop who has given this some serious consideration, including where to source medieval weapons

I’m not going to waste space on flour, rice etc in my bulky backpack. I’m reserving space for medicine, torch, batteries, water purifiers and weapons. With enough weapons and an entitled attitude I shall just steal everyone else’s rice.

I’m not a git in real life. I am perfectly delightful I’ll have you know. But come the apocalypse I shall turn into a megalomaniac nutcase who will rule over you all mwahahahaha! (Except for BiddyPop and maybe Brogues on account of their excellent planning skills...I am setting aside some spare leathers for them so they can join me on the homicidal top team).

Yep, in the event of a zombie apocalypse I plan to drive (from Yorkshire) to the chanel tunnel and blow it up so European zombies can't get us from the rear whilst we are fighting our own zombies.
Then I plan to drive to Scotland and hole up somewhere very remote until the whole mess blows over.
If I had any serious money I would build a bunker, a cabin off the beaten track and stock up ready, I think preppers aren't as daft as non-preppers think they are

I really want to see the Venn Diagram intersection between those of us here and those of us on the Prepping boards

I myself have many plans for The Zombie Apocalypse but there is no way I'm sharing. You all need to realise @FortunesFavour has included this in her plan:

Planning Scheme C
Final Preparations
Subsection A: Anything I might have missed.

1. Start seemingly light hearted thread on MN ostensibly just to see if anyone else has any plans and then steal all their ideas.

You see, my well developed sense of paranoia and difficulty in trusting people has set me up well for dealing with possible zombies.

That’s not paranoia ScrollEatSleepRepeat, it’s sensible self preservation because I would definitely steal ideas as well as rice when we’re in the thunderdome. Shush though, otherwise others might cotton on and start to mistrust me 🤫.

Now then, I suggest we all upload co-ordinates for our food stores so we can all share fairly what little food will remain in our ravaged world. You can definitely trust me not to snaffle it all at gunpoint, honest guv.

For those of you planning for the Zombie apocalypse, there is a book specially for you: www.amazon.co.uk/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/071563318X?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

I frequently consider the most defensible potion in case of apocalyptic crisis of any time. Unfortunately, none are within walking distance and I fear the roads could get clogged. Similarly, the logistics of getting my most practical family/friends (necessary to help ensure survival) together may prove to be impossible. I have very little practicality and few weapons thus am doomed on my own.

I’ve sorted out my weapons too. I shall use the school javelins to spear the zombies. It’s a long range situation so I don’t have to get too close to their stinkingness.

Sometimes I spook myself out at night when I call the dog in from the garden. I fully expect some zombies to be out there and hurry her in just in case.

@terrywynne
It’s okay, you just need to get to my coordinates and I’ll look after you. I’ll even give you a Javelin.

Yes Terry, I would also protect those who are unable to protect themselves of course, as long as they are prepared to accept my absolute authority at all times without question (my kindness will be my downfall).

Also roads will definitely get clogged. Bikes are your answer - you can manoeuvre them around car wrecks and corpses, yet they are silent so they won’t attract the ravaging hoardes. You’re welcome.

Zombies here too. I spend a ridiculous amount of time considering which of my family and friends / acquaintances I would want to have in my post-apocalypse survivalist crew, and which I would unfortunately have to abandon to their grisly fate. (Selection is ruthlessly skills-based, no room for sentiment).

Me too MadCatLady, and my SIL is seriously out of luck, there’s no way she’s getting a spot on the boat. Actually, maybe I will take her just in case I need to distract oncoming zombies...a swift stab to her leg should do it so she’ll be the one getting disembowelled while I leg it. Survival of the fittest! Also a bonus opportunity to pay her back for the catty comments, although murder might be a slight overreaction. (😂really hope SIL isn’t on here and I can’t be recognised, otherwise socially distanced Christmas dinner will be awkward)

I have a plan for saving the world from Isis. Unfortunately it involves me being an ancient goddess which I'm not, so I'm not sure it'll work too well!

Thanks for the bike tip @FortunesFavour! kinda obvious now I think of it. Should probably start practicing though otherwise I won't get more than a couple of miles before collapsing of exhaustion... Not sure how to also manage @MellowMelly javelin at the same time. I did once cycle while carrying a telescopic window cleaning pole jousting style which might work (added advantage of spearing any zombies in your path).

I can bring my copy of the said Zombie survival guide but as not much more to offer may have to accept authoritarian dictat by the sound of it...

Now now TimeIhadaNameChange, you’ll never get to be an ancient goddess with that defeatist attitude.

It’s ok Terry, if you give me your zombie survival guide and generally suck up to me in other ways then I’ll go easier on you. I shall definitely be open to bribes and inducements

@terrywynne
Excellent. You’ve just nominated yourself for jousting. You’re braver than me

Sorry, @FortunesFavour! I will work on my Positive Mental attitude and practise channelling my inner ancient goddess. Then I'll take down Isis!

💪👍 Girl Power TimeIhadaNameChange, anything is possible. Turn that frown upside down and you’ll be smiting terrorists with your mighty fists and raining down brimstone in no time. You just have to believe in yourself 🤗

I’d head for a local NT ancient manor house, you want somewhere with proper fireplaces and good cooking facilities and an inner courtyard, plus a water supply. I’d raid Makro, a pharmacy and local outlet mall which has camping stores on the way for supplies and meds.