Why do I suddenly feel like I can't stand my husband?

[orientalknife]

We've always had a solid marriage and very much loved and been in love. Have lovely children etc

Since lockdown and being in the house together much more day to day, I am feeling frustrated and bored to be honest. He makes me angry, I find him grumpy and boring. I wonder how compatible we really are because we are quite different personalities.

And yet we had a blissful marriage right up until this year. So I know deep down it's the toll of a hard year and a lack of quality time. Even though we are actually together more it's not time away from the kids .

I know many are in the same boat and I don't like to moan. But needed a safe space to vent tonight because I feel sad

As you've said yourself its another thing happening because of this shitty year!

Do you have any hobbies, or could you take one up to spend some time doing something away from him? Or even just get out for a walk - if you're WFH being in the house the whole time can really get on top of you without you realising

Yeah I exercise a lot out of the home so that helps. I just feel right now like I want to be single or having a wild, passionate fling with an interesting man.

I would never cheat and I know it's just frustration but I've never felt quite so dejected

My DH is getting on my nerves too. I think all negative traits are magnified at the moment. My DH just seems a bit joyless, grumpy and boring. A few people are taking a lot of time off at his work (not covid) putting extra pressure on him and I have people not pulling their weight at my work too. I think when life is only work and kids that kind of thing becomes more of a drain. There are no nights out with our separate friends or trips to look forward to or any time together. We would go to concerts or the theatre around once a month pre covid with GPs babysitting.

Wfh in a small flat adds to the frustration too.

Joyless, grumpy and boring. Yes my dh seems like this too.

Life can feel like a grind just now

You aren't menopausal age by any chance?! I couldn't stand mine
but now I'm on HRT I like him again most of the time!!

I'm early 40s - no obvious signs but who knows!

I wonder if menapouse is designed to push the dh away, he wants to go anyway... His wife has middle aged spread and grey hair and a beard and this is the signal to go and start that next family and procreate?

@NullcovoidNovember

I wonder if menapouse is designed to push the dh away, he wants to go anyway... His wife has middle aged spread and grey hair and a beard and this is the signal to go and start that next family and procreate?

A beard? WTF? What a misogynistic post. Like middle-aged men are burning hunks of sexual desirability.

Peri-menopause, op. It's a real bitch.

I am quite hot thank you very much

Presumptuous to say a woman my age must have spread and a beard!

Sick of my dp too. Haven't spoken to each other for a whole day now but he can go fuck himself... miserable bastard

I've felt like this for a while now, not lockdown related, and actually think I'm starting early menopause so that could definitely be linked

I feel like I have been trying to stay positive since March to make life fun for the kids. I planned ahead because I could see the second lockdown looming to gave lots of fun Halloween treats in for the kids and organised a treasure hunt etc (did same for Easter). DH was just a boring stick in the mud. Now for Christmas I'm trying to be prepared and order fun things for them after their hard year gingerbread house building kits, homemade advent calendars etc and DH is like 'what's the point' 'they don't need that', 'we're not getting a tree until mid-December'. Both kids had lockdown birthdays. He is such a scrooge and almost seems to enjoy adopting a middle aged victor meldrew persona, I swear he pretends to have a limp /bad back sometimes. It is so fucking unattractive.

Have you posted this before? I swear I've read your reply about the wild passionate fling word for word? Either that or I must have major deja vu!

Anyways, its this shitty year I think.

Same here. It's like this year has made me see who he really is. Because I have been WFH and he's been furloughed for what feels like a lifetime. Im stressed, and he's floating about the house irritating me by sighing etc. I've just hit a wall, everything he does makes me angry. I don't know a way around it apart from us finding meaningful activities out of the house everyday, for long periods of time

@orientalknife

Yeah I exercise a lot out of the home so that helps. I just feel right now like I want to be single or having a wild, passionate fling with an interesting man.

I would never cheat and I know it's just frustration but I've never felt quite so dejected

I think you have to remember that everything is now out of context with what’s happened this year. Nothing is as it should be.

Sorry op, that post came out wrong but it was the domicic West scenario that prompted me to think that it's nature's way to push men off to procreate again.

It's like suddenly being more attractive before a period etc.

Every relationship is different. My parents were genuinely happy when my dad travelled for work 2 weeks out of 4, far less so after he retired. My relationship with my husband, however, has improved dramatically since we both started working from home, as we genuinely like each other best of everyone we know and are both much happier with each other's company instead of the draining numpties we previously had to spend 10 hours per day with at work and on public transport (yes I realise that other people probably see us as draining numpties, but we don't see each other that way - that's the important bit).

I know couples who happily live in separate homes, couples who happily share a desk and play footsie all day in their shared home office, and everything in between. I would just say try to power through the next few months until you are able to get a bit of space before you make any life-changing decisions about your relationship, and in the meantime, try to get out of the house or get him out of the house. Long walks with audio books are great.

Dominic West's wife certainly doesnt have middle aged spread. She's gorgeous. Way better looking than him.

I feel very similar. It's not all completely brand new, it's really irritated old resentments and irritations. I think it is the Covid stuff, we are just around each other too much without a happy/ good/ fun reason. I feel similar to someone upthread who has made all the effort to make things as okay as possible for the kids, and his failure to meet me in the middle (or anywhere near) with that side of things has made it impossible for me to breathe a bit and take my foot off the pedal for a bit. Meanwhile he just strops about as and when he feels like it without a second thought, he is driving me INSANE. Clearing his throat makes me want to scream, and the nose blowing, dishes left on the side etc, it's awful to say but at times I wish he would just leave me alone!!

Pregnant?
Menopause?

My DH has been working throughout, so I'm not sick of him, but I sort of understand what you mean about the wild passionate fling. I don't want one of those myself, but what I do want is to party. Tight, sparkly dress, high heels, big stupid looking drinks, bright lights, loud music, loads and loads of dancing, people SCREAMING with excitement, being chucked out on to a city street to go and find somewhere else to dance until 6am

The thing is, I have no interest in doing this at the best of times. I only did it once or twice in my late teens and could take it or leave it. I am not a party animal. I am a boring person who likes being at home. But I think since March I've had my fill and now I'm craving adrenaline, excitement, and novelty just because I'm so fucking sick of this covid crap and

@goteam I feel like I could have written your post word for word.
Look, I know I’m probably not the easiest to live with either but it’s just the grumpiness, ignoring me and snapping at me when I ask a question. It’s so boring.

I’m 65, been with DH for 30 years and always been pretty happy mostly. Until lockdown. He’s always here, we’ve nothing to say, I’m on a diet so we’re not eating the same food, we sit in separate rooms, I go out for long walks, etc. It’s so tedious.
So, bear with me here, I’ve invented a better husband...loosely based on my first boyfriend who was 19 the last time I saw him.....in 1972.
The fact that he doesn’t exist is greatly in his favour and I’ve invented a whole history of what life would have been like with him. He’s so great that I’ve no idea why I broke up with him 😂😂.

At least I can have intelligent conversations with him (in my head) while DH is watching another repeat of Wheeler Dealers or Salvage Hunter 😂

Haha @EstuaryBird, brilliant

I'll join u

I'm just 100 percent bored

Its not him he's no different to how hed ever been. I'm just bored. Dont even want anyone else the idea of another man kinda revolts me too. Is it wrong that the idea of my dp or any other man coming near me makes me want to run in the opposite direction .

I dont know whats wrong with me really.

You have ny sympathy op