Why do I suddenly feel like I can't stand my husband?

[orientalknife]

We've always had a solid marriage and very much loved and been in love. Have lovely children etc

Since lockdown and being in the house together much more day to day, I am feeling frustrated and bored to be honest. He makes me angry, I find him grumpy and boring. I wonder how compatible we really are because we are quite different personalities.

And yet we had a blissful marriage right up until this year. So I know deep down it's the toll of a hard year and a lack of quality time. Even though we are actually together more it's not time away from the kids .

I know many are in the same boat and I don't like to moan. But needed a safe space to vent tonight because I feel sad

Oh, so much honesty, love it

It’s a really shitty lockdown

First one we could make the most of it, now it’s dark and wet and everything is rubbish and sad and we all miss having fun

Too much time together with your husband.... and nothing to talk about

It’s a tall order for anyone

I love my dh dearly, but fucking hell I'm sooooo fucking done with him right now, every time he speaks I want to punch him, he keeps slouching and shelping when he walks on the wooden floors, he eats too loudly, he watches shit on the telly and cant fucking squeeze a dishcloth properly.

I on the other hand am a paragon in a pandemic, constantly upbeat, cheerful to a fault and a pleasure to live with as I'm sure dh would agree

I could have written every word of your posts op. I love my DH and wouldn't dream of being unfaithful in reality but I keep imagining having a wild fling in my head. I want him to pay attention to me but he is stressed by work and we are both worn down by lockdown and teens and snapping at each other.

And YY to not being able to wring out a fecking dishcloth.

Haha, if I never hear Wheeler Dealers or Salvage Hunters again, it will be too soon, @EstuaryBird! 🤣🤣🤣

I love my DH too but by heck he’s grumpy and boring. Since working at home I’ve noticed it more. I have challenged him about it gently.

The kids on the other hand are sweet, funny and sociable so we must have done something right

I've always been a bit smug about what good friends we are, great company. But yes - recently he's been dead grumpy and sat there this evening farting and sniffing. I was so glad when he went for an early night! We walk together a lot (retired) but never seem to talk about anything but COVID.
First lockdown seemed easier somehow.

So my DH i have now noticed since being stuck working from home with him....

1. He doesn't stand up straight before he walks, so he kind of caveman half stoops walk and gradually gets straighter.. I now find myself yelling "ffs stand up straight"

1. His teeth? He does this kind of lisp, suck thing it's just weird and I've never ever noticed it.

1. He's getting balder and I don't like it but obviously can't say anything to anyone about it.

1. He eats so much and drinks so much coffee like 8 a day!

He also says "what goes on" to everyone on every call all day. 😬

And OP it's peri-menopause, your hormones from about 39-43 go a bit crazy, like you neeed to breed and find a new partner surge.

I'm past it now but I embraced the hormones and did just that and had a blast, which is what my username is just that! As he snoops and reads my emails, whatapps and mumsnet posts.

Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Hemispheres apart would work for me right now.

A friend of mine had a really horrific year last year with mental and physical health issues (had never had any mental health issues before).

She was 46 and it turns out she was peri-menopausal.

Since this, she has been quite vocal about how woefully little we know about menopause, and is now doing her bit to raise awareness. We discuss puberty and pregnancy at length, but menopause just isn’t talked about.

Anyway, it’s really opened my eyes - I don’t think I’m peri-menopausal yet, but part of me wonders if all sorts of things going on are actually down to that.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that like quite a few others on this thread, I read your OP and my first thought too, was menopause / peri-menopause.

This has cheered me up no end - knowing it's not just me!!

If he asks "what are you doing now?" once more ...🤬

So feeling this; lockdown and hormones are ruining my life. In my case, my husband is an essential worker, he's out much of the day, so I only feel stabby with him at dinner time. My poor dog on the other hand - I can barely stand to look at her some days. Noise cancelling headphones and taking her out for a walk helps.

The first lockdown things improved a lot as we had been going through a rocky patch. This time. OMG. He must upset me every single day.
Every morning I get up at six to get me and DD sorted and to school on time. I also sort laundry, have a quick hoover, do the washing up etc. He gets up at the last possible minute has a shower and goes to work. At home. If I moan (which believe me I do) he says well I don’t need to be up till x time. Well neither would I if I didn’t need to get the three year old ready for school as well!! Sorry rant over!

@Horsemad @EstuaryBird
I love DH, but his television choices make me want to bury him under the patio!
American Pickers, Salvage Hunters, anything with Alan Titchmarsh, and some gardening programme with Charlie Dimmock and a pair of brothers which seems to be on multiple times a day.

I am probably peri-menopausal (37 and my mum was 45 done and dusted) but I think even the most hormonally stable woman would be pushed to her limit by those constant repeats!

@DinosApple, yep and what about those bloody Australian gold mining programmes? 🙄🤬
As someone who rarely watches TV, theses progs do my head in! 😆😆😆

@Horsemad
Yes! See also Ice Road Truckers and Escape to the Country.
And yet he moans that I'm on my phone in the evenings...

I'm nearly 49 but why would my DH being a grumpy pessimist who never stops eating and who also can't wrong out a dishcloth be anything to do with the peri-menopause?
I'm perfectly happy getting on with life and planning Xmas for DS. He's the one with the problem!

Yes its all a bit like " shes hormonal and therefore irrational "

I went through this around 44. It's such a weird phase. But I think it's totally normal. DH and I have been good throughout lockdown number 1. But he's a GP, so his working from home hasn't stopped since March and my teeth are seriously itching. This weekend, I took the kids and went on the longest bike ride ever with them. I was willing to drag them to hell by bicycle, just to get away from this grumpy swamp creature masquerading as my husband whom I haven't seen out of a dressing gown and joggers for 8 months. By the time you're looking at Bradley Walsh thinking, 'yeah, I would,' you know WFH has gone on way too long.

But seriously, OP. I actually did go through what you're going through around 4 years ago (I'm 48 now). I just suddenly couldn't handle DH. I do think it's a perimenopause thing. But in my own case, it totally passed over... though I have my moments like yesterday when I just thought, I don't care if we end up in Hades, I have got to get away from this M&S dressing gown-wrapped gross thing and GO! Cycle 'til my wheels spark with flames and just GO! This second lockdown has been a bit grittier for DH and me. When he has a face to face appointment with a patient at his surgery, I have a party for one for the two hours he's out of the house!

I'm nearly 49 but why would my DH being a grumpy pessimist who never stops eating and who also can't wrong out a dishcloth be anything to do with the peri-menopause?

You know what? This. Even I said in my post, it's probably a peri-menopause thing, but in my own case, my DH, whom I really do love though he grates, resembles a french-terry wrapped pufferfish and is about as talkative as one too. And he has his moments where suddenly he's a dictator preciding over a house he has no idea how to run. Besides all of that, he's an incredily loving and kind person, so I give him a pass when he gets weird.

@thebabessavedme I actually started a thread about DH's loud eating last week as it really does deserve it's own thread. Every evening he eats snacks and swills whatever he is drinking around his mouth like mouthwash. Last night I was enjoying the quiet after the kids had gone to bed and was reading the Sunday paper when DH hot the Bombay mix out and sat loudly crunching ruining the silence. Who thinks to do that? Seriously?

I despise mine 90% of the time too.

But I'm only just 30!

I had a baby five/six months ago though, and I'm told hormone levels can be similar to a 'mini menopause', so could well be related.

Seems it's not just me then!

Yes to the dictator analogy! He has these flashes of attempted power then realises he is out of his depth

We’re not made or socialised to be cooped up with our loved ones as so many are at the moment. I wouldn’t be surprised if he felt a similar way !
Try to carve out regular space for )from) each other however you can manage that.
Keep hold of thought that things will improve - we don’t know when and it will continue to be difficult - but it will become better.
Good luck op.