Why do I suddenly feel like I can't stand my husband?

[orientalknife]

We've always had a solid marriage and very much loved and been in love. Have lovely children etc

Since lockdown and being in the house together much more day to day, I am feeling frustrated and bored to be honest. He makes me angry, I find him grumpy and boring. I wonder how compatible we really are because we are quite different personalities.

And yet we had a blissful marriage right up until this year. So I know deep down it's the toll of a hard year and a lack of quality time. Even though we are actually together more it's not time away from the kids .

I know many are in the same boat and I don't like to moan. But needed a safe space to vent tonight because I feel sad

Oh god yes. My problem is not the noisy snacks, it's the shuffling. Pick your feet up fgs (I'm light on my feet and glide into the room). Oh and the noises he makes if his ribs hurt (he fell over running recently) but he always waits until he's just in front of me to groan and pull a pained expression.

And yes the grumpiness and pessimism. Also wanting me to hang on his every word, while being terribly occupied if I have something important to say.

Mine doesn't intend to go back to the office post lockdown. Arrggggh. Bradley Walsh has never appeared so attractive...

I know exactly how you feel. So boring and old-acting and unsexy. I feel like I'm getting a preview of what retirement will be like and it fills me with horror.
I'm giving mine until next summer and if I still feel this way I'm going to leave!

I must say it has occurred to me that loads of people must be having About Schmidt moments during this pandemic. Great film starring Jack Nicholson if you haven't seen it.

It was permenopause for me....it was hormonal. He's OK really.

Mine is increasingly hard to live with. I do wish he could go to the office to work. He’d be much nicer to be around.

I'm also feeling quite irritated by mine a lot of the time. Happy together for 15 years, but now working at the dining table together every day. We never get a chance to miss each other, he's always bloody there! And he won't go out for walks and leave me in the house by myself, he does no exercise then complains about aches and pains, it's incredibly grating.

I'm assuming/hoping it's just Covid and sometime next year we'll both be back at work most of the time again and things will be better.

And yes the grumpiness and pessimism. Also wanting me to hang on his every word, while being terribly occupied if I have something important to say.

This is driving me mad.

He just never listens to me. Then he insists I’m lying and gaslighting himself about having told him something. Then insists that he’s so stressed with work that he just can’t be expected to listen to me or care about what I’ve said. 🙄

Apparently it’s alright for me because I’m on maternity leave. Because being alone with a baby and not being able to go out and do anything is just perfect.

We have had a weekend of massive fights about him not listening to me about something really important. Then going ahead and just doing whatever he likes and claiming I didn’t say anything/I wasn’t clear/he was too stressed to be expected to listen to me/I’m totally overreacting and so on. I was very, very close to handing over my rings and telling him we were getting divorced. I’m still not sure he really appreciates quite how close.

I've found during the month for a week I dream and think about running off and having an affair with another man. I don't talk to any men other than my husband and I certainly wouldn't cheat I'm 27 and I'm pretty sure it's some sort of hormone issue, that causes it.

Same. Am mid 40s, likely in peri, a week or two before my period I get very dark thoughts (not about DH) just everything futile etc.
But in general get very irate about DH. Covid doesn't help.
Get out of the house as much as possible. Meet a friend for a walk and coffee outside.

Will be very interesting to see how divorce rates are this year!

You can think its him not you all you like but the fact is perimeno is an absolute bitch.

Having said that, who are these husbands slopping around watching tv all day? My dh would only watch tv in the day if he was ill.

sigh, right now the love of my life is bashing the fuck out of his keyboard as he has to get a 'VERY important report out', not so important though that he has nfl results flashing up on his phone that I must not speak to him while he reads them, there is a great deal of sighing and puffing going on about I know not what? and jesus, now more coffee!! this must be number 4!

@BringMeTea

Sympathy to all. Now dh is actually lovely and upbeat while wfh but crikey the tv. What IS the obsession with massive ships, Australian gold mining, really tough fishing gigs and living in cold remote places?

My DH has some similar obsessions...maybe they should go and give this whole living in cold remote places thing a try some time or perhaps I will!!

I'm drinking my 4th coffee of the day tbh. Can't you go somewhere else and leave him alone if he's working?

I feel exactly the same. We are stuck in the house together 24/7 and I feel like there's no escape. I'm putting it down to the lockdown and pandemic as I really don't want to get divorced again!!

I dealt with this by moving three hours away, discovering Lovehoney and now having a VERY rich fantasy life with a bloke (occasionally blokes) off YouTube .

TBF it wasn't lockdown that done it, the stabbiness had been there for much longer, although perimenopause might have been going on a lot longer than I had thought, looking back.

And now the only washing up lying around on the side is mine, the only dirty washing is tidily in a laundry bag, and I can slob around in a dressing gown all day without anyone minding. Living by myself is just amazing!

@Horsemad
I must be married to your husbands twin! Bloody gold Hunters, Salvage Hunters . The whole dam lot !

Glad its not just me !

@Pinkywoo

You have no idea how relieved I am to find this thread, I thought it was just me. DH is driving me mental, he's just so grumpy and negative all the time, at least he's still working though. Meanwhile I'm stuck at home with a one year old who never stops climbing and barely sleeps, I've never felt so lonely in my whole life. Maybe I am peri-menopausal, I just turned 40 but am desperate for another baby, trouble is DH is irritating me so much the last thing I want to do is have sex with him, and we have a washing up sponge not cloth but he always leaves sopping wet so it floods the pissing kitchen when I move it!

Amen to this. Would love another baby but don’t want to have sex with DH. The only time he seems interested in me is if he thinks he’s going to get some. Dreamt I was having a baby with Shawn Mendes last night. Much better option in my mind.

It's just been a rubbish year. Many relationships, mine included, currently feel like this. Way too much time at home together and not enough opportunities to socialise, pursue individual interests.

I love my DH but we are both independent people with our own interests. Neither of us have been able to pursue those.

....and another thing 😂

My DH has an obsessive interest in American politics. He listens to American news and political speeches (he’s a big Obama fan) on his phone....a lot.... His phone is on some weird setting which makes it sound as if everyone is shouting in an empty swimming baths 😳.

He’s a little hard of hearing so it’s loud 🤯

I have extreme fantasies of things that I could do with that phone.....

@EstuaryBird buy him some sodding headphones! People's phones playing out loud give me the absolute rage so I would be ramming it up his arse if I were you!!!

I also think I am the one who has become grumpy and negative.

OH has been out working the whole time whereas I've been at home since March. I feel like I have no chat, no news, no interesting things to say. Whenever he asks me a question I seem to emit a huge sigh before answering.

I remind myself of Amelie's father in the French film who just has no zest for life and is just completely jaded and bored.

Aaarrggh, @EstuaryBird, we had to have the whole bloomin USA election on the whole time when he was not at work, I was DEMENTED after seemingly endless days of rolling news... 🙄

@justilou1

Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Hemispheres apart would work for me right now.

This made me laugh... and NullcovidNovember's post too, I got it.

I'm to be found (or not found) at the pool for two hours a day now... bliss! It really helps to be away from dearest who are a bit too nearest.

During Lockdown1 I kept sane by going to the supermarket at peak time and playing on my phone in the queue for hours. Sadly no one is panic buying now so I waltz straight in and out within the hour.