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Original poster

Why do I suddenly feel like I can't stand my husband?

108 replies

orientalknife · 15/11/2020 19:52

We've always had a solid marriage and very much loved and been in love. Have lovely children etc

Since lockdown and being in the house together much more day to day, I am feeling frustrated and bored to be honest. He makes me angry, I find him grumpy and boring. I wonder how compatible we really are because we are quite different personalities.

And yet we had a blissful marriage right up until this year. So I know deep down it's the toll of a hard year and a lack of quality time. Even though we are actually together more it's not time away from the kids .

I know many are in the same boat and I don't like to moan. But needed a safe space to vent tonight because I feel sad

OP posts:
TableDesk · 16/11/2020 07:54

Tis the start of The Ick

FippertyGibbett · 16/11/2020 07:55

@TheresNothingIWantMore

As you've said yourself its another thing happening because of this shitty year!

Do you have any hobbies, or could you take one up to spend some time doing something away from him? Or even just get out for a walk - if you're WFH being in the house the whole time can really get on top of you without you realising

I think there’s a lot of us feeling the same way.
FippertyGibbett · 16/11/2020 07:56

Wrong quote above !

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Marriage & partnerships Relationship problems
ReallySpicyCurry · 16/11/2020 07:59

Mine is very unannoying, but he also eats Bombay mix and nuts like an absolute twat

The words "fgs stop SLOPPING" are occasionally heard in our house of a quiet evening.

I don't know why men eat certain things so noisily. He always looks wounded but I can't listen to it. I don't have this problem with any other food, just crunchy evening snacks.

RJnomore1 · 16/11/2020 08:04

I’ve read this and I’m so grateful DH has been working out of the house all through!

Pinkywoo · 16/11/2020 08:10

You have no idea how relieved I am to find this thread, I thought it was just me. DH is driving me mental, he's just so grumpy and negative all the time, at least he's still working though. Meanwhile I'm stuck at home with a one year old who never stops climbing and barely sleeps, I've never felt so lonely in my whole life. Maybe I am peri-menopausal, I just turned 40 but am desperate for another baby, trouble is DH is irritating me so much the last thing I want to do is have sex with him, and we have a washing up sponge not cloth but he always leaves sopping wet so it floods the pissing kitchen when I move it!

goteam · 16/11/2020 08:11

@ReallySpicyCurry yes, it is only really crunchy evening snacks that get me. I feel like my own blood pressure raises with every crunch...

Pinkywoo · 16/11/2020 08:12

Oh and he doesn't eat noisily but when he's finished does this really annoying sucking his teeth thing, aaarrgh!

felineflutter · 16/11/2020 08:15

By the time you're looking at Bradley Walsh thinking, 'yeah, I would,' you know WFH has gone on way too long.

Grin now that is funny. I am creating my own French films in my head you know those ones where the bored wife has a menage a trois! Grin

InTheseUncertainTimes · 16/11/2020 08:19

I'm in the same boat. 20 years very happily together, but I'm just sick of him just being here all the time, doing nothing, yet being in the way somehow. We were even pretty used to spending a lot of time just the two of us, as we've often worked from home, but something about this year just makes things different. I'm so frustrated. Also in my early 40s, so who knows what my hormones are doing.

It doesn't help that I'm bi and having an annoyingly longlasting crush on a particular woman, and a part of my brain seems to be having some midlife crisis on that front.

felineflutter · 16/11/2020 08:25

@TheVanguardSix I have just read the rest of your post. You are hilarious. Have you ever thought of writing a column or a WFH sitcom? Grin

WitchWife · 16/11/2020 08:31

@TheVanguardSix

I went through this around 44. It's such a weird phase. Grin But I think it's totally normal. DH and I have been good throughout lockdown number 1. But he's a GP, so his working from home hasn't stopped since March and my teeth are seriously itching. This weekend, I took the kids and went on the longest bike ride ever with them. I was willing to drag them to hell by bicycle, just to get away from this grumpy swamp creature masquerading as my husband whom I haven't seen out of a dressing gown and joggers for 8 months. Confused By the time you're looking at Bradley Walsh thinking, 'yeah, I would,' you know WFH has gone on way too long.

But seriously, OP. I actually did go through what you're going through around 4 years ago (I'm 48 now). I just suddenly couldn't handle DH. I do think it's a perimenopause thing. But in my own case, it totally passed over... though I have my moments like yesterday when I just thought, I don't care if we end up in Hades, I have got to get away from this M&S dressing gown-wrapped gross thing and GO! Cycle 'til my wheels spark with flames and just GO! Grin This second lockdown has been a bit grittier for DH and me. When he has a face to face appointment with a patient at his surgery, I have a party for one for the two hours he's out of the house!

Dragging the kids to hell by bicycle Grin
CorianderBlues · 16/11/2020 08:38

There's another woman.

(Standard MN response was missing! Wink)

BaronessBomburst · 16/11/2020 08:42

Well in InTheseUncertainTimes case there is! Wink

VenusClapTrap · 16/11/2020 08:43

Opposite here. I’m the one who has become grumpy, negative and boring through lockdown. Dh meanwhile keeps fucking off cycling all the time - probably to get away from me and my hideous M&S dressing gown!

I miss all the fun stuff - restaurants, holidays, pootling round the shops, getting drunk round at friends’ houses over wine and olives. And the lack of stuff to look forward to is making me dull and grey, while he carries on as normal.

NoSquirrels · 16/11/2020 08:56

And he has his moments where suddenly he's a dictator preciding over a house he has no idea how to run.

Grin This is my DH. Infuriating- if he has a go at the DC one more time for ‘leaving their stuff everywhere’ whilst ignoring his own pile of glasses and cups by the side of his chair, the painting and art supplies (his) on the dining room table, the things by the dishwasher not in it (next to the wet poorly wrung out dishcloth) and the Amazon boxes multiplying in the office....

ClaudiaAndTheCauldron · 16/11/2020 08:59

Oh my goodness I have found my people Smile

Thank you so much for starting this thread. I really did think it was just me!

My husband is annoying the hell out of me right now. He has been wfh since March and getting grumpier and angrier day by day.
He is not lovely to live with.

Maybe it is the peri-menopause, but I think it is mostly him 😖

Sometimes I dream what it would be like if it was just me and the kids.

Horsemad · 16/11/2020 09:07

Think it's that old adage 'familiarity breeds contempt'.
That & the perimeno; despite what some people think, it REALLY does affect us in odd ways... Confused

Horsemad · 16/11/2020 09:09

@DinosApple - Lordy, I'd forgotten all about Ice Road Truckers!!! 🤣🤣🤣
Escape to the Country I can tolerate -especially if Alistair's presenting it. 🙂

Pikachubaby · 16/11/2020 09:09

“he has his moments where suddenly he's a dictator preciding over a house he has no idea how to run“

And: “Flashes of attempted power...”

😂😂😂 so true!

ClaudiaAndTheCauldron · 16/11/2020 09:13

Squirrels don't mention the piles of stuff lying around!

  • glasses and cups ✅
  • snack wrappers left on coffee table ✅
  • art supplies in the sitting room (all over carpet and taking over one sofa) ✅
  • Amazon boxes piled up ✅
  • Stuff for recycling left by sink ✅

What did I miss??

(He really is a lovely guy but this past year has brought our marriage to its knees - maybe I need hrt ??)

PiccalilliChilli · 16/11/2020 09:15

I want to ask my DH to leave. I've had enough of him. I used to have my Saturday afternoons when he'd go to the pub with his mates and go to watch football. But because the pubs are shut and fans are not allowed in football clubs I don't even get that. I'm fed up of seeing his face.

BringMeTea · 16/11/2020 09:21

Sympathy to all. Flowers Now dh is actually lovely and upbeat while wfh but crikey the tv. What IS the obsession with massive ships, Australian gold mining, really tough fishing gigs and living in cold remote places?

bumblingbovine49 · 16/11/2020 09:21

@VenusClapTrap

Opposite here. I’m the one who has become grumpy, negative and boring through lockdown. Dh meanwhile keeps fucking off cycling all the time - probably to get away from me and my hideous M&S dressing gown!

I miss all the fun stuff - restaurants, holidays, pootling round the shops, getting drunk round at friends’ houses over wine and olives. And the lack of stuff to look forward to is making me dull and grey, while he carries on as normal.

Me too. I am the who is grumpy and lazy here. DH is a sort of saint really. I imagine he will get fed up of me eventually too. I hope he doesn't leave but if does we will both survive . Not sure about DS though as many of our problems are actually about DS who.has been an enormous source of stress this year
BringMeTea · 16/11/2020 09:21

oh oh and yy to the effing wringing wet dish sponge!!