Baby been crying for 3 hours

[OhToBeASeahorse]

Any suggestions or virtual hugs desperately needed

@OhToBeASeahorse

You're all very kind,thank you. We've all managed a nap. DD hasnt always been like this, it's got worse over the last 3 days. Today she has been fine, she's been asleep in the sling for the past 2.5 hours.

Our hv isnt doing any visits. The TT lady was lovely and said they can help with wind or reflux if that's what it is

Toddler goes to childminder twice a week down from 3 when I was working. DH thinks we should go back to 3 but I'd feel very guilty.

Do not feel guilty. If it helps you it helps toddler.

You need to be the best you you can be. And by sending toddler 3 days a week might mean you’re a better you.

Hotel chocolat and nomo chocolate is nice - dairy in pregnancy would make me feel sick so had a lot of practice with vegan chocolate - thankfully went when I had the baby. Once you are through this and have a bit more time you can also make your own with cocoa butter

It’s so hard when they’re little. I had a toddler and a baby who would sleep for an hour at a time and wouldn’t nap in the day. I used to daydream about sleep! It does get easier, you’ll look back on this and wonder how you got through it but you will x

Galaxy vegan chocolate is really nice.
I’m so sorry you’re having a tough time. I’ve had 2 CMPA/reflux babies and it sounds very much like it.

I recognise the desperation in your posts from how I felt.
I promise it will get better than this.
This might sound extreme, but the Samaritans are on the end of the phone 24/7 and I used them several times when baby was inconsolable. Just being able to rant and cry to someone about how shit everything was really helped. And once I was calmer, baby often would sleep!

Toddler to childminder as much as you need, get that tongue tie looked at and look on Facebook for CMPA breastfeeding. There are excellent support groups on there.
Keep going, even if it’s 1 minute at a time

Me again.

Muh more settled night, no decent stretch of sleep but no hysterical tears either so it was much more pleasant.

Trying to think of something nice to do as a dmaikt this afternoon, DH is looking very down, he is finding our toddler very tough and is also.workong stupid hours. Stupid lockdown is not helping anybody.

Glad to hear you had a better night! Nothing worse than having days of no sleep. My body got so used to broken sleep that even now that DD sleeps through I still wake multiple times in the night

You're doing great OP. Hang in there.

I asked my HV if there was some face to face support - I want to get her latch checked and have an assessment for tongue tie. She said there are only phone appts.

This is disgusting. GPs are offering face to face support. This isn't right and they need reporting.

@OhToBeASeahorse if it gets worse don't hesitate to go to A&E and be sure to inform your useless HVs and threaten legal action if needed. On the positive side I'm sure things are getting better by the sounds of it. You need to boss about some HVs, Midwifes and Nurses to get service sometimes xxx

You are brilliant. You are. It's the hardest of times and you are doing it.

I remember it well, those moments when everything has contracted down to right now, to the misery of crying and exhaustion and feeling like you have nothing left in your arsenal and months to go. No laughter, no spontaneity and no end in sight.

It. Will. Pass. You have their whole childhoods to enjoy them. If you have to get through this bit and wait for the sun to come out, then that's what you do. Give yourself permission to get through it however you can.

Leave messages for the HV and say you need more support. Be utterly clear with them. They CAN see you and they must.

I really hope that lockdown can lift and you can be offered more support and normality for all of you.

@ShowOfHands tou have literally written how I feel. Thank you

2bh I'm not fussed about pushing for HV support. They were rubbish with my son and just made me feel like crap. I look back and get so cross because they made it so much harder.

So the screaming is happening every night now.

Last night she was awake from 8.30 til 12.30, fell asleep for an hour, stayed awake for another hour and then slept for a decent amount of time.
Basically her bedtime was 3am. Fuck.

Op have you called 111? If they cry that long it's recommended you get her checked out.

No I havent. She doesnt cry for the whole time - she is just awake and then gets overtired. And it is only that period of time. The rest of the day she's fine.

I dont know what to do.

@OhToBeASeaHorse

My little one has been exactly like this around 5 weeks old. I can really understand your frustration. He was screaming that much that I developed a migraine. My head was pounding. We even took him to the out of hours gp to check him over, everything was fine.

From 8 weeks on he started sleeping through the night. He's 14 weeks now and sleeps through every night now from 11 pm to around 7 am. Hang in there xx

That is SO tough. Have you tried putting her in the sling in the early evening so she's going into the night well(ish) rested? Then extract her from the sling when still asleep (will obviously ping awake at this point) and bf back to sleep (ideally get someone to hold her once she's out of the sling whilst you scramble into bed and assume the feed position, then treat it however you would a night wake, e g. Boob then next to me/cot whatever, chuck in some singing or rocking if needed)? I know overtiredness was the worst with our little one, it is like they are possessed. Just wondering if there is anything you could do to minimise the tiredness before embarking on night-time - anything that will get her to sleep early pm. You have probably already tried absolutely everything and if all you need is sympathy and a promise it will get better you can absolutely have that! Just thought I'd mention it in case as it helped in our situation but they are all so different.

Or maybe I misunderstood and the tiredness develops after she's been happily awake for a bit then she won't go back off? Think I would still assume overtiredness and try more pm sleep if poss, but failing that that's really hard - are you doing the same routine each time for a night wake to reinforce the difference between day and night (e.g. night light only, nappy if needed, bf and back down with no talking)? I'm sure you have, it's just tricky if she's happily awake in the middle of the night (until she gets overtired of course) then I can only think she hasn't yet learned the difference between day and night- which will come in time but doesn't help you much in the meantime! I'm so sorry, it sounds incredibly stressful and you are doing amazingly to just keep going.

My eldest was the same and it turned out she was constantly hungry because her tongue-tie prevented her from getting enough breastmilk. Also worth checking if you are eating too much garlic or chilli that us coming through in your milk xxx

My first was allergic to almost everything I ate. I wish I'd formula fed now. She screamed constantly. My second had no allergies and screamed day and night anyway. I can't really help except to say how awful it is, but it won't last forever.

Oh OP, I can hear your exhaustion and desperation and I recognise it, I've experience and felt similar

I've read all your posts but not all the replies so apologies if I repeat anything...

There must be a reason baby is so unsettled, likely causes could include tongue tie, reflux (could be silent reflux ie no vomiting) and/or CMPA.

Am I right in thinking you had an appointment for a TT assessment on Monday? If so how did it go?

I think you said you are cutting out dairy. I have done this too (for DC1 and DC2, both breastfed and both with CMPA). It is shit when you're exhausted and morale is low and you can't even treat yourself. But it is honestly worth trying it, because if baby does have CMPA, going dairy free should make a big difference.
I hate most dairy free chocolate but recently found a really nice one, the brand is Nomo and you can get it from Tesco, Sainsbury's etc. And there are some good treats listed at dilanandme.com/dairyfree/treats-list/

If you think baby has reflux (or silent reflux) medication might be helpful, talk to your GP.

Actually talk to your GP anyway. Do a symptom/sleep diary for a few days so you can clearly show the extent of the problem. Ask them to refer you to a paediatrician if they have nothing helpful to suggest.

Lastly you could contact Cry-sis as they offer support and advice.

Hang on in there. It feels as if it will never end but it will.

Thinking of you @OhToBeASeahorse. Remember that crying peaks at 6 weeks then reduces. I know 12 weeks feels a long time away but it will get easier then. Sounds like your baby is doing one decent stretch of sleep at least? That bodes well for the future.

Honestly this thread is so helpful, I feel like I've got people behind me. Thank you.

@Jennyz123 that's a good idea. At the moment I'm taking her out the sling when she last wakes up for a feed - say around 8 - but then she doesnt go to sleep for ages so is then overtired. I'll try putting her back in the sling tonight and see what happens.

@NameChange30 yes no TT. They said we were like a model for breastfeeding. Some model.

Thing is the unsettled thing is almost exclusively at night. And once she goes down she can do a decent 3-3.5 hr stretch either next to me or in the Sleepyhead.

I tried getting a GP appt but I need her birth cert to register her and DH didnt mention thenfavtbwe have to order them so I cant do that until they come through.

The Crysis website and helpline are good support: www.cry-sis.org.uk/

It's so frustrating that we can't see what's going on inside their head when they cry like this. It's so upsetting - ds1 would cry and cry and nothing soothed him. It did get better around 12 weeks (and then he started early teething ).

Once he was past that stage though, and when he wasn't crying in the evenings and through the night he was a perfectly cheery baby, and has grown into a cheery child and moody teenager with no apparent ill effects.

This too shall pass, but by god it puts you through the wringer when it's going on.

And I kind of disagree that there must be a reason - it feels like there must, that there's something that would crack it if only you did it. Or something that would fix it if only you bought it.

There have been high needs/colicky/highly strung/crying babies as long as there have been babies. No-one really knows why.

Some babies have allergies or GERD or an underlying condition, but some of them just are who they are. Which in one way makes you feel more helpless, but in another is a glimmer of hope that you, like millions of parents before you, will come out the other end even if nothing helps at the moment.