Bullied at work. Can't take anymore.

[whydobulliesalwayswin]

Long time poster but name changed for this.

Don't even know what I want to say or have as responses. Just need to vent.

I'm so down. I cry a lot. Most evenings now, but plaster a face on for work. Easier under a mask I must say.

Bullying is going on from HR plus line manager.

Cannot do anything because I need this job.

I will never, ever work out as long as I live, why there are people out there who enjoy making people's lives a misery. I'm always such a happy person, cheering others up who are sad. My kids keep seeing me cry and it really hurts

I complained to HR and we had a meeting with the bully. He lied about everything in front of HR, but he was terrified at the same time, so stopped the bullying after that.

I was scared, even terrified, of going to HR, as by nature I'm a non confrontational person ( I guess that's the reason why I get picked on - I'm too nice)

In your case it's HR bullying you, so there isn't any point in complaining to HR.

I'd recommend going to someone higher up than the bursar and really make a big thing about this.

Actually, the best thing would be to also put this in an email and list all the dates on which you were bullied and what was said to you. Explain how it made you feel.

Maybe you can also ask for a meeting with the bullies, but with other, neutral, higher up people involved.

The bullies bank on shame and the silence of their victims. They don't like it when it becomes common knowledge what they are up to.

Oh wow that meeting must have been horrendous. Well done. They do say that to beat a bully, you need to confront them.

I'm normally notconfrontational but I think I'm going to have to get some courage somewhere and get this done.

The bullies bank on shame and the silence of their victims. They don't like it when it becomes common knowledge what they are up to.

This is so key.

With the bursar, I mentioned 3 times that I think I'll have to leave, and when I said that he said nothing. Not 'oh please don't leave' 'let's try and work something out'. 'we can get this sorted' nothing.

This will all go away when I leave. Which means I think staying and fighting is going to be more fun. I'm starting to get really angry now.

Agree with pp who says put in a grievance. You know you arent overreacting after what has been said here and by your medical professionals.

Thank you. This all makes your head spin a bit.

I have just realised that not once did he say sorry to hear I'm feeling this way or sorry to hear I've been so ill, or that I've had to come to him about this; he just wanted to know if I'd be back in on Thursday.

God my mother had this when I was a teen. Everyone loves my mum - she’s fun and thoughtful the most popular mentally strong person I know. She was on the governors appointment board for a new head at the primary she taught at. She voted against the appointment of the new head who got the job and some idiot told the head 🙄😮. The head was a lunatic bitch anyway and spent the next few years attempting to annihilate my mum. It was awful and affected the whole family. Eventually just as mum was about to resign the woman was fired for being a fucking lunatic and a normal person appointed. It was like the sun had come out.

It was awful and affected the whole family.

This is what we're struggling with right now. Your poor mum, and all of you. It is all consuming when it happens to you. Never ending nightmare it feels like. I'm glad the sun came out for her and you all eventually. But what a lot stress in the meantime.

The bullies here are very well protected. When I first started I was told by bully A 'Bully B is VERY well respected here'

Today when I saw the bursar, he said 'Bully B is VERY well respected here'

It's like they've been brainwashed.

Document everything in as much detail as possible- date, time, place, others present, what was said/done.
Join a union.
Wait 1 month
Consult union with evidence compiled as above

I spoke to unison who said if I joined and then 4 weeks later had an issue, that was already going on before I joined, they wouldn't be able to do anything. I do understand that, but also I don't. I think ACAS will give free advice.

I've joined anyway. If there are future issues, which I think there will be, maybe I might be covered.

I wonder how @whydobulliesalwayswin got on. Just read through as am going through similar. I'm not sleeping cos of bullying behaviour. Hope it got sorted OP.

Can't be arsed to change my user name, I am the OP

I left in the end, as my mental health nose dived quite spectacularly, and fighting to stay wasn't worth it.

They fired me basically, or 'asked me to leave'. They offered 2 and a half months pay as compensation if I said nothing (grammar school, can't be dragged through the mud can they...) I was absolutely broken as this was just before Christmas, and main family income.

I was on medication for my stupidly high blood pressure and anxiety. Never been on that in my life (not for mental health anyway).

I then picked myself up and luckily a job came up in another school, I went for it, and I nailed the interview, got offered the job on the spot.

That night, I slept for the very first time in months. I literally broke down and cried knowing I would sleep, finally. It was overwhelming.

I was very very lucky. I love where I am now, yes it has its own issues (all schools do), but no one is bullying me. The effects of it are still with me, and I have triggers. Madness.

If there is anything you can do, get out as soon as you can. The effects of bullying are horrendous on your mental health (and I am a very strong person).

Good luck x

Well done OP, that can’t have been easy after being so battered.

Great to hear you’ve moved onto somewhere you are happy. Lovely to hear the outcome when problems are posted. Thank you for telling us.

Oh I'm so pleased for you.

I'm still awake at 3am worrying about work. I feel trapped cos I have part time hours that allow me to collect dc from school. I'm a single parent and I love the hours I do but hate feeling bullied. I will just have to keep seeking another part time job.

Yay well done op.

@NinaGonk right there with you.

Am speaking to my two awful toxic bosses this week about condensing my hours because it's a real juggle and a have a parent with an upcoming major surgery and need to be free randomly to help but knowing how selfish and toxic they are the conversation won't go well even though I'm the highest earner here

I'm moaned at on a daily basis about anything and everything.
Been here a long time in a very skilled job yet I can no longer afford for it to be my only job anymore as my pay is shit.

Kicking myself that I've put up with it for so long and still summoning up the courage to have the conversation.

I also need to be prepared for it to cause a real issue with one particular boss because it means I won't be at her beck and call all the time or here to deal with the shit while she deans around but I just can't do it anymore.

One of them knows my hour change plan and has choesen not to mention it or brush it under the carpet because it means they will have to step up in their own business more instead of it all being given to me.

I'm sick of being told we don't take enough money and there won't be enough to pay wages if we don't take more etc. It's constant.

We are a small team and there's another very talented staff member here who gets treated like shit and it's making us both dread coming to work.

Covid has definitely changed the way I want to do things in my life so that's the angle I'm going for seeing as it's the excuse they keep using on us all the time

Life is too short, and some people are just cruel.

It is never worth the risk to your mental health, and even though another job isn't always easy to find, and there are shit bags in every walk of life, if you find a job where you do get on with most people, then you're laughing, literally.

I spend more time with my work colleagues than my DH and kids.

I'm a single parent and I love the hours I do but hate feeling bullied. I will just have to keep seeking another part time job.

I had this issue too as my hours were perfect; I have more hours now, and I struggle with them, but I had to leave.

I have one nasty piece of work in the office, but I also have 6 really amazing women as well. You'll never avoid every mean person, but if they are your line manager, HR, boss etc, you're in trouble.

About 20 years ago I had a similar bullying issue, and my doctor begged me to leave, as he'd seen before what it could do. I was pregnant and I started bleeding, he said I had a choice; quit or I could lose my baby with the stress. I quit. I was financially screwed but my baby turns 19 next month

If it ever gets too much, GP's can and will sign you off work. It is sadly, something they do regularly

It's awful isnt it @wtfisgoingonhere21, so stressful to deal with daily and so draining, and it sounds like you have enough challenge at home without having to put up with shit like that x

Am seriously considering the GP route @gluteustothemaximus, at least they couldn't ignore that and would have to take
action and log their efforts to support me.

I'm struggling to collect evidence cos it is subtle. Definitely coming to the conclusion that I cant change my current workplace, so moving is the option and will have to accept that might mean less money or childcare implications- but if I'm not spending weekends worrying about monday, it will be 100% worth it.

Well done OP
Have you thought about some counselling; it might help you unpick and give you strategies for the triggers???

I have a meeting next week which I'm dreading and will spend all weekend worrying about it because I'm changing things and not taking no for an answer.

They are both being exceptionally nice since I told them I wanted a meeting and they've got a few days to come up with a plan which they did last time and nothing ever came out of it so I've gone past the being fobbed off now

I always get offered a raise because that's what the last two meetings I've asked for have been about but this time it isn't about that although my pay is crap.

It annoys me they do nothing about it until they know I'm unhappy and it shouldn't be that way.

I have too many things that mean I need to condense my hours so for me no amount of a pay rise and empty promises is going to sort that out.

That's what I need to say and be calm and strong about it because one of the bosses is very argumentative and belittling and I've had enough of it.

They continue to make me and the other staff member feel not good enough etc yet they should be grateful to have good staff that have stayed because we aren't as replaceable due to our skill set.

I think I've just got to the stage now where all of my future plans need my hours to change in order to work so that's what I'm doing.

Ultimately I am ready in my mind that they could refuse in which case I will be giving notice after over 25 years of service which will be a whole different ball game due to radius clauses in my contract as well as other things but tough.

I have to remind myself that I have a bloody good experienced skill set which will come with me and have some faith and trust in myself but I think working here and dealing with the toxic comments has stopped me remembering that.

How did it go @wtfisgoingonhere21? X