Bullied at work. Can't take anymore.

[whydobulliesalwayswin]

Long time poster but name changed for this.

Don't even know what I want to say or have as responses. Just need to vent.

I'm so down. I cry a lot. Most evenings now, but plaster a face on for work. Easier under a mask I must say.

Bullying is going on from HR plus line manager.

Cannot do anything because I need this job.

I will never, ever work out as long as I live, why there are people out there who enjoy making people's lives a misery. I'm always such a happy person, cheering others up who are sad. My kids keep seeing me cry and it really hurts

Few things.

Join unison.

2 check your contract and hours.

Have they officially made an application to governors for restructure?
Unfortunately if you've been there less than 2 years they can just end your contract but after this there is processes involved.

What is your offices job role? Make sure you have copies. Make sure you can evidence what you have done to meet this role.

What about a headteacher? Can they confirm for you or can yo7 speak to them about the situation?

I'd also email. So every time the6 verbally reprimand you send an email to confirm conversation and ask them to give you written support of how to improve.

School offices can be toxic environments. I don't work in an office but I've seen this.

I'm going to get my head down as feeling really sick. Thank you everyone

Just to add, please join Unison ..you can do it online instantly, and they are really helpful. If you can hang out to the 2 year mark it will be much better as you are far more protected.
And yes... write down everything and ask for written feedback each time your work is criticised; I suspect that that alone will decrease the bullies attacks even if long term you are being managed out.

I will never, ever work out as long as I live, why there are people out there who enjoy making people's lives a misery.

Because they are pathetic excuses of human beings who are miserable themselves and enjoy inflicting misery on others. Genuinely happy and confident people don't feel the need to behave like this to other people. Please try to remember that when they're grinding you down.

So much good advice already given, I don't really have new anything to add, but definitely get yourself signed off to give yourself some breathing space and see clearly.

I was bullied it vbroke me and I almost committed suicide. It has taken years to rebuild myself.

One thing I learned now when I recognise ive now got a line manager who start that whole picking on you business is I document everything on email. If they ask me to do something verbally or in 121 it all goes in a follow up email ending with if there is anything incorrect let me know statement.

Always cover your arse!

Secondly dont let it break you or make you feel your not good at your job. You are. The fact most people bully on workplace is due to their own insecurities. I have a line manager now who is clearly threatened by my capabilities (shrug not my fault she isn't good at her job) she will make comments etc I just recognise it for what it is and don't let it get to me.

I know its hard but please when you leave work, leave it at the 'door'. My other lesson and also I learnt that when your being bullied you feel a loss of control but you can get back control by controlling how you react or feel with what they do e.g. dont let it ruin your personal time etc.

Take control by going to a union getting advice, documenting everything, take control by keep looking for other jobs you will find something.

Use that energy you would on crying and being upset into action you can take.

Also if you feel your role is not so clear maybe worth asking for a formal meeting to clarify your role, responsibilities?

Anyway hope some of this helps and stay strong 💪

I know it does feel like the right way to fight back, I would have felt that way until it happened to me. I was so shocked how I felt when it did. I felt like I was boxing blind folded.
My new job wasnt affected by me taking 2 weeks off with stress for the previous (bullying job) my new employer did ask me about it, and I said I'd had a relationship breakdown that had affected me very badly (kind of true!!) But I was fighting fit now and much more resilient as a result of it. Didnt affect my new job at all

Get yourself well first, take a week signed off sick to get some sleep and get your head on straight, then the second week to come up with a plan of action. You can always ask your GP to give you another 2 weeks if you are still feeling very down.

OP, you write beautifully and come across as such a nice lady. There are bigger and better things out there for you I'm sure

Been there in an absolutely toxic environment with a head of department, parachuted in from the MAT when I went part time, who would regularly barge in to my classroom and demand to see books, paper work etc. She would then proceed to pick fault in front of the kids. I was generally able to put her back in her box but it was mentally exhausting wondering how she'd next plot to trip me up.

Lesson observations were appalling. There was always an agenda and staff that were liked got seen with top set year 7 whilst staff who they wanted rid of were observed with a difficult year 9 group period 6 on a Friday. It really was divide and conquer

I got to the point where I thought I'd have to leave teaching but was persuaded by a colleague who'd already moved to apply for a job at another school and honestly it's so different. Current school has been nothing but supportive. There's always niggles but they are just that. I wish I'd left much sooner - life is far too short to be so unhappy in a job. The best thing is you'll appreciate your new job so much more.

So sorry to read about these absolute fucking bitches OP.
Do exactly as @cyclingmad says and document everything by email... if they tell you to do something a certain way, then email “hi bully bitch, just to confirm as per our conversation that you want this done xyz as discussed”. Document everything!!x

@noshowlomo thanks, my current line manager just clearly doesn't like the fact I'm good at what I do. She has since day 1 make snipey comments like we csnt go to trams drink cos one person doesn't drink alcohol aka me using me as example of not doing right things.

She always gives new work to my coworker even when I put a request in as itll help me develop.

I see her insecurities so I don't fight it now. I find other ways to get the development I need. I make sure if she says do x, its done or use x template I always do even when my coworkers don't but it does annoy her to death now cos when she has to remind people she has to use me as a good example of doing it right

This week she tried to make out an email id sent wasn't done in the right template only I had to point out I didn't send it...its her assumption I did that annoyed me but it did make me laugh writing back to her its not me

It might seem a bit nasty or mean to get abit of pleasure out of being miss perfect now but feck it her attitude and behaviour to me is shit so im not gonna giver her one single reason to say I'm doing something wrong ...meanwhile I'm applying for new roles in the background

I was bullied at work and was off sick with stress for almost 6 months. It was a very very dark time. My boss at the time was (and still is) a nasty piece of work, and I jumped at the chance of a secondment to a different role.

Bitch boss hates the fact I'm doing a great job, and that I'm thriving. HR have had so many complaints made about her, they were investigated and to the shock of a great many people, nothing very constructive was done.

She is a great manipulator, and has a bubble of people around her who fawn over her - this gives her an element of protection, but those cracks are starting to show. She's a bit like Donald Trump...thinks she's the best, but actually she's dangerous.

I know how I felt, and it sucks. Please get advice from acas, and if you're in a local authority, there will be someone you can talk to. It's unlikely that you are the first person to have been bullied by her, but you have to remember that you are a better person. It will get better .

I was bullied it vbroke me and I almost committed suicide. It has taken years to rebuild myself.

This is so sad, I'm so sorry you were in that place. I can really see how bullying gets people there.

but it was mentally exhausting wondering how she'd next plot to trip me up.

Oh my god yes, the mental exhaustion. My head spins with it.

“hi bully bitch, just to confirm as per our conversation that you want this done xyz as discussed

Thank you, this cheered me up no end

meanwhile I'm applying for new roles in the background

excellent!

She is a great manipulator, and has a bubble of people around her who fawn over her

This sounds like who I'm dealing with. It's really hard to go up against her.

OP, you write beautifully and come across as such a nice lady. There are bigger and better things out there for you I'm sure

Thank you thank you thank you. Cannot tell you what MN has done for me tonight

Op you won't see it now but one day you will as I have. In a way I'm slightly glad I had the experience cos now I can spot those bitxh bullies a mile off and know how to manage myself and them so I come off feeling good

My current line manager it took a month but I started to see the red flags straight away, its like here on mumsnet when there are those posts about men and Red flags. Same thing applies to bosses.

You now have experience on what to look out for and out of this you'll become more resilient, look at how much strength you have shown!

And there's been some great advice on some coping mechanisms you can put in place to get you through

Contact ACAS. Log everything.
Might be worth putting in a formal grievance, especially if you think you'll have to get signed off sick.

I've been there too, it's awful. Absolutely agree that their behaviour says everything about them and nothing about you.

Do you have any allies?

I was told I was very lucky I was employed in the first place as she (HR) never wanted me in the first place, and neither did a few others there. That I'd been given a chance and not been loyal. There was a lot more

This really struck a chord with me. Picking apart the way you do your work is one thing (I'm not saying that's ok) but playing mind games about you being there in the first place is quite another.
I wouldn't say I was technically bullied in a previous job, but was the subject of mind games and serious manipulation over quite a long period of time. This was about 8 years ago and still affects me now.
There was a round of redundancies and everyone had to interview for their job. My manager told me that he had no influence over who stayed. I ended up being 'safe' then when I made a mistake afterwards, having taken on more responsibility with no change in pay, I was told: " I made sure you kept your job when those interviews took place. Do NOT make me look like a fool" I was told this pretty regularly over the next few years and more.
I suffered with anxiety, palpitations and panic attacks and was signed off by a gp. Please see a Dr op

Disgusting what I’ve read Op. life is hard enough away from the workplace to be bullied in the place we spend most of our lives in too!
Move been there too. Not just by one but a group of superiors. Couldn’t speak up in a meeting without the office going silent and then the ‘ Clatter’ an email between the three of them. Sniggers. Sideward glances to each other. Another team of superiors who spoke down on you and manipulated your work to purposely get you in to trouble. Like being back in high school, bloody horrible! I’m a nice girl. I’m respectful in the work place and towards others. I’m good at my job but also know to own up to my mistakes and fix them. I know I never deserved Any of it. Then I realised it wasn’t just me it was happening to. I suffer with social anxiety anyway. Panic attacks in the toilets broke me.

The best thing I did was take action and get to see their faces when I handed my notice in.

I know it might sound like you are being defeated out of the workplace, but leaving a situation like that to open yourself up for something better is something you can do to control the situation. Life really is too short to stay in a job like that. There will be others out there and it will be replaceable. Open yourself up to better opportunities. Be kind to yourself. Bullying in the workplace is not normal.

This was about 8 years ago and still affects me now.

I hear you

The best thing I did was take action and get to see their faces when I handed my notice in.

This is what is keeping me going really.

Can they give me a bad reference if I get a new job? The two people I put down are the worst offenders. I'm such a idiot.

Most references now purely ask for start date, job title and salary so there shouldn't actually be an invitation to add anything else.
As I said in my post, I have been where you are and really feel for you. A pp has pointed out that you will never be in this position again as you'll spot the signs/red flags early. That pp is absolutely correct. Whilst what happened to me over a period of around 5 years still affects me, I know it will never happen again because I am well equipped with the knowledge to recognise and prevent it. You will be too

Thank you bluesheep

I was bullied by a manager in the civil service, manager picked up on the slightest mistake even though I was only training, made an example of me in front of the whole office, stopped me taking leave, I was pregnant at the time & the stress added on to the fact I had suffered two miscarriages the year before & was terrified it was going to happen again, then had a bleed at 16 weeks & when I returned after a week enforced rest was accused of faking it so I could have a week off with my husband. I ended up going off sick a month before my maternity leave was due to start & when I was due to return requested a move to another group with a different manager.

Ugh. Why do these toxic people get promoted into positions where they can bully others like this? And nearly always in education settings. Really sorry OP, but, you know that it's not you. And sadly, once you've left, they'll turn their attention onto someone else. Join a union right away, then you'll have someone in your corner for future meetings when your colleagues are too scared to help.

Ugh. Why do these toxic people get promoted into positions where they can bully others like this?

The eternal question! And they are everywhere. But fortunately, experience makes them easier to spot

I was pregnant at the time & the stress added on to the fact I had suffered two miscarriages the year before & was terrified it was going to happen again, then had a bleed at 16 weeks & when I returned after a week enforced rest was accused of faking it so I could have a week off with my husband.

This is just awful.

This is why this is very triggering for me. 19 years ago I was bullied at work. Had a lovely job, lovely boss, but then had a new boss, took a dislike to me and was severely bullied during pregnancy. I bled so badly at 5 months when I went to the GP he said DO NOT GO BACK. I said I had to because of money, and he said, you have to leave now or you will lose your baby. So I left. He signed me off sick. Financially I was badly off but my son is now 18, so I made the right decision.

I always regret that I was too young and naive to do anything back then. I can't believe I have gone through it again. I think this time I feel stronger to make a complaint. I'm tired of the bullies winning.

OP. I’ve been there- got out over 2 years ago now, and am still deeply affected by it. I’ve got nothing useful to say in addition to what others have put above, but just remember that it’s not you- it’s them. And as others have said, imagine how good it’ll feel to hand your notice in- this is what kept me going.