Bullied at work. Can't take anymore.

[whydobulliesalwayswin]

Long time poster but name changed for this.

Don't even know what I want to say or have as responses. Just need to vent.

I'm so down. I cry a lot. Most evenings now, but plaster a face on for work. Easier under a mask I must say.

Bullying is going on from HR plus line manager.

Cannot do anything because I need this job.

I will never, ever work out as long as I live, why there are people out there who enjoy making people's lives a misery. I'm always such a happy person, cheering others up who are sad. My kids keep seeing me cry and it really hurts

Op I really don't want to worry you but your health update today is concerning. Could you ring 111 for advice?

How old are you OP? Your body is telling you to see your gp dont you think please please make the call in the morning.

I am getting a bit worried now so I've called the walk in centre. I'm going to get a video call with a doctor hopefully soon. I'm 40. Bit short of breath but surely that's because of the heart racing thing? It's the weird numb tingly that's really weird, in neck and face too. Last time I had something with numbness was a migraine some weird name for it but bit like stroke symptoms (but wasn't).

@DanNickBen

I would document everything for your records and then have a chat with citizens advice

Yep at lest if you do leave you can choose to take it further if you decide to

I don't know if this helps but I had a close friend this happened to.
She was a TA and her teacher really didn't take a liking to her. It was a difficult time and turned into bullying with the teacher just completely making her day hell. Making her redo perfectly good displays due to any kind of criticism she could think of. Finding ways to make her stay late. Making her feel small in front of the kids.
In the end she was petrified she was getting fired and she was being ostracized from staff groups. She heard no other teachers wanted to work with her due to the horrible things the teacher was saying about her.
She went to the head and laid all the cards on the table and shared her version of events. The head was skeptical because the teacher had already complained but she was able to convince the head to move her to a different class and be put on a performance plan.
Although being put on this plan was shitty and undermining it quickly revealed my friend was absolutely capable of doing her job and she has now been there 6 more years and even been promoted in that time to head TA. Her life is completely different.

That's good, Op.

Doctor says A&E for an ECG now, so heading off v shortly.

Thanks everyone

Good luck, Op.

Hope you get on okay op.

ECG ok, BP is 145/95. Had a mini breakdown with the triage nurse, and in conclusion to what I said she replied 'wow. Sounds like x and y are absolute bitches!'

And I have to say, that felt good. To be heard. Need to make appointment tomorrow with GP possibly for beta blockers.

What a mess. I just want to go to work, do my job, have a little laugh on the side and go home.

Thanks for the update, Op. Hope that the dr appointment goes well.

Sounds like you need to get yourself signed off wit stress. Tell the GP what happened with the nurse, speak with them. I’ve done this in my previous job and got two weeks off, you may get longer as yours is due to bullying at work.

OP they DO sound like absolute bitches. You are worth so so much more than having to suffer through that and make yourself ill. Get signed off so you can heal, and get some perspective. Working life will be good again. Keep the faith my lovely

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. I agree with others, get yourself signed off for a couple of weeks. Ring ACAS, and join Unison. Document everything.

I'm having counselling after completely breaking down. Six months later I have depression, I think I may have PTSD, I feel like I will never be the same person again. I avoid people, I can not focus on anything, can not sleep, and I'm anxious even about leaving the house. It absolutely does shred your mental and physical health.

Use the time off to apply for jobs. No job is worth finding yourself on betablockers for. You absolutely must take care of yourself and get away from these people. .

Good morning OP. for you and hope you’re on the mend soon, glad you went and got yourself checked out. Get yourself signed off for a bit, rest up, and apply for other jobs when you’ve taken a few days to just do nothing and clear your head of work stuff.

Sad to hear so many on this thread have been through bullying at work too, it’s surprisingly common. I ended up being signed off with stress and anxiety after experiencing panic attacks at work, being unable to sleep on a Sunday night dreading the week ahead, and fantasising about breaking my leg or something on my way in so I didn’t have to go. I was drinking heavily most nights to get by and was just a complete mess. Leaving was the best thing I ever did (and in a rather delicious twist, my entire team decided to leave at the same time, two of us found other jobs and the other two retired, one of them about 5 years early. Management were NOT happy ). I’m so happy 6 years on in a job I enjoy, working with kind people and feeling valued at work.

You can do this OP. Take a bit of time out and take some steps to move on from that workplace. Good luck x

How are you doing, Op?

Ah, you're so lovely to check in. I never know whether to update or not.

Signed off and now on medication. Am slowly starting to feel a bit better physically, but now dreading returning

Doctor said I need to go higher up and say I'm being bullied. He was horrified by it all (and he only got a snap shot of it). Was lovely to be listened to and believed.

I'm after more advice if anyone can help me out.

I went to deputy head who was very kind and said he is not at all surprised at what I have said is going on. He said I needed to escalate this and go to the Bursar.

I did this. I have a 14 page document on dates and times of exactly what happened. I explained everything (quite well I thought despite being upset) and he had as much information as I could give him.

Replies were 'maybe it's perception, she can be abrupt, she gets things done, maybe you've taken it the wrong way'

Doesn't really want to pursue the bullying claims, and would rather I have a chat with the bullies (have already done this twice with one of them and twice with the other bully).

I said if I couldn't get this sorted, the doctor said it would be wise to look for another job. He agreed! I said if his wife was the one getting bullied and coming home crying, what would he do? He said he'd tell her to look for another job.

Having to hold back DH as he is fuming.

I'm going to join a union this week, is there a best one out there?

I'm due back this week, and he asked if I would be back or be off sick again. I said where would I be working? He said, does you coming back in depend on where you are working? I said, well, yes....as that's working with the bully.

I was crying at this point explaining everything, and I said could you honestly put someone this upset and unhappy back in with the person who has caused this?

I think the HR bully got to him first, before my meeting. He seemed to know things. He'd made judgements already.

Still got very bad physical symptoms and doctor is talking about increasing medication if my migraines don't ease up.

Anyone got any advice? Thanks x

Ignore bursar twat and start a grievance procedure - but only once you've got your union rep.

Thank you Laurie. I will do just that. Is there a best one to join for support staff in education?

Phoned unison and I can't join a union if I have an existing problem. It has to be about a new problem that develops after I join.

Bit confused now

God, I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

I was bullied at work as well and I know how hard and mentally draining it is. Handhold x

Well you know now the Bursar is a spineless wimp, who knows what the bully is like but isn't prepared to confront her!

Can the deputy help again. If this is a school I know my teacher dh would stick up for support staff even if not their direct line manager.

Agree with pp who says put in a grievance. You know you arent overreacting after what has been said here and by your medical professionals.

Thank you hotpot. How did you get out? If you don't mind me asking x