Bullied at work. Can't take anymore.

[whydobulliesalwayswin]

Long time poster but name changed for this.

Don't even know what I want to say or have as responses. Just need to vent.

I'm so down. I cry a lot. Most evenings now, but plaster a face on for work. Easier under a mask I must say.

Bullying is going on from HR plus line manager.

Cannot do anything because I need this job.

I will never, ever work out as long as I live, why there are people out there who enjoy making people's lives a misery. I'm always such a happy person, cheering others up who are sad. My kids keep seeing me cry and it really hurts

OP

I will never understand why people do this. I wish I could reach over and give you a hug.

It isn't you, it's them.

Sending you strength xxx

It's really sad how many people have been through this. In the work place of all places, where you spend more time than at home with your families.

Sorry you're still affected by it patchwork, it stays with you doesn't it.

Thanks chicken

Just another word of advice, from my own experience. I would strongly advise against mentioning having been bullied when you move on to another workplace. Having done this, I learned what the term "sharks can sense blood in the water" means.
What you gain from what's happening to you now should be used for YOUR benefit only. Very best wishes op

Sorry this is happening to you

I know how it feels and it's horrible. You can't switch off from it when you leave work. It affects your well being all the time.

I was bullied by a manager, who was also an extreme bigot and when I refused to join in her bigoted conversations, she targeted me. She also sabotaged my work everyday, and then admonished me about my "mistakes" in front of my colleagues, screaming and shouting. She was a nasty piece of work

Looking back I wish I'd gone higher up to owner of the business, who was a really nice person, but the problem was the manager was an elderly member of staff and one of longest serving employees, she was due to retire, but the owner had no idea what she was like.

Keep a record and go higher up

Thanks bluesheep, that is good advice.

You can't switch off from it when you leave work. It affects your well being all the time.

oh my god yes. It's affecting everything and everyone at home too.

I had a bit of hope. A dream job came up (last month), and had interview. was supposed to hear yesterday but didn't. really thought I'd got the job too. interview went so well and they really liked me. it's also a job I am qualified for; it's exactly the same job as mine currently. so now I feel lower than ever. this was my get out. hope is a killer

so now I feel lower than ever. this was my get out. hope is a killer

Totally understand this feeling. However, I grabbed the first opportunity that cane my way without stopping and considering the job for what it actually was. It was my way out and that was all that mattered. It turned out to be completely wrong and I hated it.
Maybe that job you interviewed for didn't come good for a reason.
Keep applying op and keep talking on here - so many of us have been where you are.

Go to your GP. Tell them what you've told us and ask them for medication.
Then take the fucking bullying twats to court. Make a right cunt out of them.
Sorry for my language. I despise bullies.
Its really not worth treading on egg shells with bullies. Whatever you do will be "wrong" in any case. Therefore why waste your time and energy in trying to nice.

Bitches. If they raise any concerns, simply say put it in writing and walk away/end the conversation. Fight back now OP, what do you have to lose?

Maybe that job you interviewed for didn't come good for a reason

Thank you. I am trying to think that maybe it wasn't the best move (the fact is they must be firing 3 people to replace it with the 2 people they are advertising for) Also, my letter said no one was hired! They are re advertising again, they did this with another job (very low paid job) and didn't find the 'right' person so this is up again with a new cut off date. Maybe they would be a nightmare to work for.

Its really not worth treading on egg shells with bullies. Whatever you do will be "wrong" in any case

This is SO true. I despise bullies so much too. It takes over everything. My heart rate is permanently elevated.

If they raise any concerns, simply say put it in writing and walk away

Yes, I like this. I do want to fight back, but scared about job loss. These 2 women are a good team, and one of them is HR. I'm not the only one they've had a run in with either. I might try and get some allies. Although I was told not to speak to x y and z, as bully 1 doesn't like or trust them so if I speak to them, I am going behind her back.

Nonsense isn't it. Feels like I'm back in the bloody playground.

My heart rate is permanently elevated.

It definitely does affect you physically. I had almost constant palpitations. So much so that I had to record my heart rate on a device from the hospital each time my heat was racing and jumping. When the timings were looked at, all of the episodes were whilst I was at work or happened on Sunday evenings when I was fearful of going to work.
The other physical thing that happened to me (and led to my gp signing me off) was a bladder problem. My job was as a Sales Rep so I spent a lot of the day on the road. I started to suddenly need the loo really urgently and would get hugely anxious trying to find a toilet. When I got there, there was just a normal amount of urine that I would usually have had no problem holding.
When I went to the doctors about this symptom and explained when and how it was happening, she said that it was because I was permanently under so much stress and on constant high alert. She explained that it was a very primitive reaction and that my body was constantly telling me to keep my bladder empty so that I could keep running from what was chasing me, because it's harder to run with a full bladder.
She sat me down and asked me when was my brain going to start listening to a body that was screaming at it to get out of the awful situation I was in.
I was signed off with work related stress and anxiety and for the first couple of weeks, if I went out for a walk and saw a car I was convinced that it was my manager looking for me. Looking back, that wonderful GP caught me just in time.

Oh no, I have the bladder issue too. I feel like such a weak person though. Weekends go by just thinking about Monday. I feel like if I did go to the GP and did get signed off, I'd be 'that' employee. The one who couldn't cope. And then if and when I went back, it would be worse. And if I did look for a job in the meantime, I'd be that person currently signed off with stress and not likely to be wanted by another company? I don't know.

The thing is though. If you don't go to the GP you'll probably end up having a breakdown. I'm sorry to alarm, but. There is only so much any human being can take. You must know that. Also companies cannot discriminate against employees or potential employees on the grounds of mental health. They're breaking the law if the do. I obviously dont know you but I'm genuinely upset for you. There can't be anything worse than dreading go into work.

Hi OP I just want to say you’re not alone in this. I was in a job where I was bullied very badly by two individuals in my team - one of them my manager. My previous manager who was lovely had left the team and that’s when it all began. They did a lot of the same things that your bullies have done to you. They nearly destroyed me and I can honestly say that if I didn’t have children who depend on me then I probably would have tried to commit suicide eventually. I tried to go to HR out of desperation but unfortunately found that they didn’t have my best interests at heart. In the end I managed to find another job and all of a sudden this nightmare of an ordeal is over. I now work for a lovely boss get constant praise for the work I do - the old manager made me feel like I was crap - I now realise it was her who had the problem. I do feel like I have been suffering some kind of PTSD and have been considering counselling. I keep replaying scenarios in my mind. Why are some people so nasty? I think it happens a lot - my mum went through it years ago as well. You will eventually find a way out of this situation- just don’t give up however hopeless it might seem at times. Keep looking for new roles and don’t give up.

@whydobulliesalwayswin

Oh no, I have the bladder issue too. I feel like such a weak person though. Weekends go by just thinking about Monday. I feel like if I did go to the GP and did get signed off, I'd be 'that' employee. The one who couldn't cope. And then if and when I went back, it would be worse. And if I did look for a job in the meantime, I'd be that person currently signed off with stress and not likely to be wanted by another company? I don't know.

The thing is they have made you ‘that employee’. It’s not your fault. I agree with the previous poster - your physical and mental health will decline if this goes on.

I was so stressed my hair started falling out

Oh no birdsong, that's awful. I agree about feeling suicidal. A month or so ago I was walking home and the subway was flooded again. I was so tired the thought of going the long way round, I thought about crossing the main road. Then I pictured myself being hit by traffic and it didn't alarm me. Then that alarmed me, because that was not the thoughts of a sane person. I think PTSD is definitely a thing with bullying.

You're right babyspider, there is only so much a human can take. I used to love going to work. Time flew by. Now it really drags.

Write down every encounter with the both of them. Log and date it, write as much as you can.

Stick out the 2 year mark, you have more rights.

Make a formal complaint about the pair of them once you get enough.

Join a union.

Do all this before you leave for another job or these two bitches will do this again to some one else.

Definitely contact ACAS, Op. They have been really helpful for me in the past. From memory you also have to wait 3 months from joining a union to being able to access advice but I might be wrong on that.

Hope that things improve for you, it sounds awful.

I also wonder if the bullies are trying to get you to leave before you have been at work for 2 years. After 2 years you have more employment rights.

Is sticking it out necessary? I would sign yourself off with stress now OP, and deal with looking for a new job and involving your union in advocating for you in regards to your current job from home. The people bullying you sound vile. How dare they ruin someone else’s life.

I was bullied out of a school support role, by the head. She had form for it. It destroyed my physical and mental health. When i realised I would never win i resigned. Best thing I ever did. Now in a completely new role.

Thank you everyone. After last night I am going to make an appointment to see the doctor. My heart palpitations literally haven't stopped, left arm/hand very tingly/numb. Feel very unwell and barely slept.

I'd be 'that' employee. The one who couldn't cope. And then if and when I went back, it would be worse. And if I did look for a job in the meantime, I'd be that person currently signed off with stress and not likely to be wanted by another company? I don't know.

I was badly bullied in a previous job, was signed off by my GP twice in the space of 18 months. In my second sick leave I decided to look for a new job, and found one, after I was appointed I explained the situation to my new manager (not about the bullying per se but the working environment and why I was off sick. They did a pre-employment medical and which confirmed that in normal circumstances I would be able to work and remain healthy. It didn’t get in the way of me taking up my new post - I giggled all the way to handing in my notice and they agreed garden leave to cover my notice period.

You only have your health, it’s not worth staying if it’s making you ill.

Are they possibly trying to get you to leave before your 2 year mark so you don’t have employment rights?

If you can't get a colleague to witness the meetings, I'm sure you can bring in union rep or similar (ACAS can probably confirm).

Also, if they keep moving goal posts I would ask them to put the instructions in writing so you can refer to it and back yourself up as to why you're doing it that certain way.

OP - I'm so sorry to read your post. There are some foul people around.

I have been in your shoes. In fact I was happy to have to have some necessary (and painful) surgery, as it meant I would be signed off work for a couple of weeks - how crazy is that?!? Looking back I had the palpations and the bladder urgency too.

I am now out of that job and the relief that I will never have to go back is immense.....