Met someone about 4 months ago, after the first date he was very upfront and said he didn’t want us to date others while we see how things go with us. Fine, I actually liked this and i agreed to it. Straightforward.
He lives an hour from me in the village he grew up in, in a house opposite his parents. It’s a nice road, nice house, he has a good job and a lot of money (relevant). I recently learned that he ended up moving out of a friend’s flat in his first year of uni because he wanted to move back home and commute in. Nothing particularly unusual about this I don’t think but he seems absolutely welded to where he lives and always has done. He’s close to his family but not in a strange way.
Getting to the issue...he is quite intense. For example if I suggest missing a phone call one night (because I’m tired and it’s nice to speak to him when I have more to say!), he doesn’t respond well and it clearly bothers him. He will push for a call and usually I just do it, other times I stand my ground and we say goodnight and I find in the morning he has sent another 5 or 6 messages (all nice stuff), after I have gone to sleep.
If I don’t answer a text for a while he will ask if I am ok - I would do this too I guess if I’m used to regular texting. But sometimes he has been known to send 10 messages or more when I’ve not even had chance to read or reply to the first one! I’ve mentioned this to him, he says he understands but literally nothing changes.
We’ve had the odd meal where I’ve been on my phone while he’s been in the bathroom...I’m just browsing while on my own at the table. He comes back and he’s in a strange mood, find out in the car he thinks I’m messaging other men. To be fair I still have a dating app on my phone at this point, only because I hadn’t deleted it! I hadn’t even thought about it as I don’t use it, I explained this to him and even offered to show him the messages so he could see the last time I had used it. He was in a weird mood and said I was messing him around.
Another time after we had been to the cinema we didn’t know the way back so I got it up on google maps and the road wasn’t clear, he got very cross suddenly and I was taken aback.
He’s dropped me at my house a few times and will often comment that the area ‘looks like a council estate compared to where he lives.’ It doesn’t, it’s just a city not a village and I worked hard for my house here on a nice road.
When I suggested we slow things as a result of the above(cut down calls and meet less) , his response went from one moment saying he absolutely didn’t want that, to saying if I did that then he would be gone and his feelings would disappear. It was like we could actually talk about it properly. I confided in him about my tricky relationship with my mum and he has used this in an argument with me, randomly saying ‘oh and I’m sick of hearing about your weird relationship with your mum.’ I’ve mentioned it twice maybe... these things are only said when he’s angry or upset that I’ve suggested we take a step back and cool down, the rest of the time he’s lovely. He claims that me suggesting we take a step back is psychotic and weird and he can’t live like that. All I wanted was to have more space and feel like I miss him, no matter how I try and explain this he goes from very upset and hurt to lashing out. Even if we skipped one phone call I think it would help! I’m not asking for a massive cut down.
Other than this he is totally the ideal man in the sense that we get on and laugh together, want similar things. Is this me? I am being difficult here and harsh to him and causing him to behave like this?