How is everyone feeling? A space to talk without judgement

[wheresmymojo]

So obviously it's a bit of a shit time right now for all sorts of reasons.

I know there are a million threads out there already but I thought it might be nice to have one place where people can say how they're feeling without judgement.

So please respect this as it would be good to:

• Let people say how they feel without making them feel guilty about it

• Playing suffering Olympics, there's always someone having a worse time than us but your feelings are still valid

• Getting into debates about the rights or wrongs of the approach / lockdown / whatever. There are plenty of threads for that already.

This is a little quiet space of the interwebs where you can share how you're doing and where we will hear you

I'm happy to start...

At the surface level not much will change in my day to day life as I'm already at home all of the time. I'll miss seeing friends and family and trying to stay optimistic that it will only be until 2nd December here as we have still got relatively low case numbers (South East).

Scared about our financial situation though and increasingly unsure that we will financially 'make it' past the end of the year.

I also know a lot of local business owners and I'm feeling really sad for them as they've invested so much in being COVID safe and were just starting to see something approaching normal levels of customers only to have to close back down again.

Lots of tears today on my local Women's business networking group.

I'm feeling a bit down but I know I will rally. I can't imagine anyone is actually cheerful except for people who have had wonderful happy news in the last few days. In which case I say to them - fantastic! I am so glad you have had good news, whatever it is, and I hope you enjoy it fully!

I am feeling more down than I expected. Nothing has really changed for me, so it’s more psychological I guess. Just got to get on with getting on. I know a few people directly affected by COVID, and that does focus the mind!

I'm feeling ok to be honest. I mean, I'm down because my work is stressful and I'm kind of being bullied but I'd be down about that even despite lockdown. Mostly in worried about friends and family - my sister who's single and lives alone in a flat, my dad is the same and also extroverted so he's really struggling, and my mum and stepdad are exhausted and both think they're suffering from long covid. I just wish I could see them! But DH and I are ok and even gultily pleased we're benefiting from lockdown as it means DH can work from home, and I do worry about him because of his age, weight and asthma.

Bit fed up but it's manageable. I will still be working through lockdown so not much time to dwell on the situation. Feel sad for the DSs 18 and 21 as their social life is non existent and I won't be seeing DS1 for the time being as he's away at Uni.

I thought I was fine until it started getting dark on my 4pm call today and was totally dark by the time I finished working. Made me realise how depressing the next month is likely to be.

Also worried for DP and how he’ll cope. He’s a complete workaholic and is usually out of the house for 12-14 hours a day working in sport so burning loads of energy. Thankfully we have no money worries but he’s been a bag of nerves the last few days at the prospect of having to sit at home for the next month.

We also want to buy a house next year and although we have a good deposit and high salaries, as DP is self employed and can’t work during lockdowns I’m quite worried about whether we’ll be able to get a mortgage.

But on the other hand, we’re incredibly fortunate and I really feel for those in much worse positions.

Today at work I felt like all the incoming emails were just a tad shitty. You know how when it's sunny everybody seems a little bit happier. The opposite of that. I think it's the coming to terms with it phase.

@Frestba I know what you mean. I work in Elderly care and everyone’s tolerance seems lower and people are becoming snippy. My boss said “ I’ve got lots of stuff to pass on to you tomorrow” I just said “well it’s just going to join the other stuff on the desk” we are under pressure but I was rude. I did say “ I’m sorry if you can prioritise it for me I will get to the most urgent”
Staff shortages and endless difficulties, families missing their loved ones. I’m just plodding and tired.

Thank sounds really hard Bagpuss. I used to work in care and it's hard enough, without anything extra to deal with. .

Not great, but I'm trying to remind myself of could be worse.
Financially I'm in a decent place, secure/covid proof job ect.
But the whole being single thing is now wearing thin. I miss people. I miss sex. Enforced celibacy isn't what I was hoping for this year.

Flat. As a pancake.

I'm okay but I haven't seen my parents (who live in Greater Manchester) since March and every day I grieve for them having missed half their only granddaughter's life. I also miss them terribly and worry about them. Day to day I'm okay but I feel a sort of grey cloud hovering.

So anxious. Worried about secondary aged DC in school, worried about key worker DH, worried about myself ( teacher)

Finding it harder than I thought I would tbh. We’re lucky where we are to have relatively low numbers and I’ve been enjoying the freedom that’s crept back in the last few months, we went on a caravan holiday at the end of summer and I’ve been mooching around the charity shops day to day. Dh’s work, which looked secure, have started laying people off and I’m terrified he’ll be next. We had my parents over for dinner yesterday and saying goodbye was awful. I can’t risk seeing them over the lockdown as my dad is a prison officer and they’ve been repeatedly warned in the last few days that breaking the rules will come with serious consequences. It’s the loss of freedom that’s just incomprehensible. Never in my lifetime did I think I’d be limited in seeing my friends and family, marshalled by shouting men in masks as I enter a shopping centre to stick to a one way system. I don’t believe this will only be 4 weeks and I’m worried about friends I have who are self employed who have worked so hard to get their businesses Covid safe only to have to shut again. I’m worried about the bloody US election tomorrow. The world just seems a bit bleak

I'm right on the edge.
Self employed, not eligible for any help from the government, very little work since March, at the end of savings, no idea how I will pay my bills next month.
At 3am every morning this is terrifying, by 11, I can usually be "I'll sort something, it'll be OK" but I have never felt so worried.

Exhausted. I single parent 3 teens. Their dad sees them for 24 hours a fortnight. It's all on me. Everything. Eldest is autistic and morose. The life admin for them all is overwhelming. My business has gone through the floor. I have got some other work in the same industry but the pay is fairly basic but at least I can say I'm working.

It's soul destroying. I don't really care about lockdown. I'm just trying to get through and navigate an increasingly complicated life in the hope that I don't just get swallowed up and disappear.

I feel invisible.

@ffsonly46

I'm right on the edge. Self employed, not eligible for any help from the government, very little work since March, at the end of savings, no idea how I will pay my bills next month. At 3am every morning this is terrifying, by 11, I can usually be "I'll sort something, it'll be OK" but I have never felt so worried.

That's how I feel too. 3am terrors are awful

I felt very bleak over the weekend. A bit better today. It's the uncertainty that I am struggling with (the fact that there is already talk of an extension). Also money worries.

I’m drowning and I don’t know what to do. My partner is working away and I’m on my own with my 2 beautiful dds. I’m so anxious, I feel like I can’t protect them. I get up in the middle of the night and check that the doors are locked again and again.
I shout at my eldest, she doesn’t deserve it. I cry when the youngest cries because I can’t get her to stop. I spend most of the day in tears. I should feel so lucky. Instead I think about running away.

Also feeling very down. I work in an nhs service that isn't specifically treating covid but we're very close to the front line. We're overwhelmed, it is so tough trying to maintain a service and look after staff wellbeing. We've got a valued team member very poorly with covid. I hate going to work but if I were to go off sick I would be letting my team down. I am so tired and it's only going to get worse. I'm also aware that I'm affecting others with my low mood. I want to hide at home until it's all over but have to carry on. Not sure how I'm going to get through it all.

At the start of this all, I was mostly fed up that community pharmacy staff had to pick up the pieces of the surgeries being closed/not having patients in and a massive surge in workload. The demand for deliveries etc was mental.
Then I was mostly pissed off that we couldn't access PPE as we weren't deemed worthy enough. Obviously I understand that the front line doctors and nurses were more in need, and although I knew at some point we would get some sort of masks,but it was the attitude of my friends that shocked me, it was basically "tough shit". No empathy or anything.
Now a member of my live in family has tested positive so we all have to isolate, I'm not entitled to sick pay or the coronavirus help schemes apparently because I don't claim benefits so I'm out of pocket.

The silver lining in a way is that I am cuddled up with the DC right now and we have enjoyed baking, reading, art, and just being shut away from the world.

I feel absolutely crushed I can't go to the gym. I've really gotten on top of my gym routine and eating well. I'm scared for my friends and what it means for their businesses. I'm praying my sons nursery is staying open. I can't cope with being stuck at home, not able to work or do uni work with a boisterous social 3year old.

Doing alright really, no major changes for me atm.
Gutted that cancelled driving tests will probably mean everyone's get pushed back a month..meaning mine may come in Feb rather than JanI know there's much bigger problems but I'm so eager to have a car and to save money (Uber's to work and back everyday are a drain)

Ill (Covid positive) and fighting health anxiety. Dealing with worries about the children’s health, and DH too.
Sad and missing friends, family, and just can’t see an end to it all.

I'm probably better than many people are in dealing with lockdown - I'm autistic and to be honest my whole life has been a form of lockdown, so largely avoiding places and hiding indoors is nothing new.

But even I'm feeling tired, flat, and missing seeing people now. Its an odd physical feeling.