How is everyone feeling? A space to talk without judgement

[wheresmymojo]

So obviously it's a bit of a shit time right now for all sorts of reasons.

I know there are a million threads out there already but I thought it might be nice to have one place where people can say how they're feeling without judgement.

So please respect this as it would be good to:

• Let people say how they feel without making them feel guilty about it

• Playing suffering Olympics, there's always someone having a worse time than us but your feelings are still valid

• Getting into debates about the rights or wrongs of the approach / lockdown / whatever. There are plenty of threads for that already.

This is a little quiet space of the interwebs where you can share how you're doing and where we will hear you

Devastated that for the second time this year I am closing my doors and locking up my business. Putting staff on furlough again and seeing the impact it will have on my clients. Not worried for my health and pretty sure we will survive financially... just utterly gutted for my industry and staff.

@CandyLeBonBon thank you for you too. Terror is the right word

I am struggling. I have Seasonal Affective Disorder and this has been the worst year since I was diagnosed a decade ago. There is a definite cloud above me everywhere I go. I know why - 2020 has been crap, I work in a school and the last half term was sheer torture, and the especially poor weather since last week has tipped me over I think.

I've always managed without anti depressants but think this year maybe I should look into it.

I'm so pissed off I can't tell anyone. I've been given notice on one of my part time jobs, not even redundant, because she's selling. I won't even get 6 months of furlough.

Ds2 is off for a covid positive child who is not close.

I am ill and being let down by GPs who are failing people by not seeing patients I think they could.

Tired and quite flat. Im feeling that I want to be over this already, and it hasn’t even started yet, and I also feel that this lockdown will either be extended or will be the second of at least three. I also know that I will not be able to stay on top of how much I eat, and I really cannot afford to gain any more weight. Cold weather, dark evenings and feeling the need for comfort means that I will pile it on, I know. I am spending money like it’s water and I think it’s for me to feel invested in the future.

Completely suicidal. The first lockdown nearly finished me off, I fear this one will

Complicated feelings here. My work is fine, DH's is fine. We're really lucky. But I'm not a very good parent to 3yo DD without my support networks, and lockdown makes it harder to access them. Plus yesterday marked what would have been my due date - I lost a baby earlier this year - and I'm sad and very much not over it.

To add to my woe is me, I am exhausted. My dh is exhausted. We have worked all the way through, juggling childcare and barely coming up for air. Quite frankly I would give my left tit to be furloughed for 4 weeks

I'm ok, mostly. I'm quite happy in my own company anyway. I live with DD and her psrtner, so I'm not entirely alone. And our income hasn't been affected.

But, I get these moments where I could just weep. I could weep for all those suffering hardship, all the lovely restaurants I used to go to that may not exist soon, and what that means for the staff teamwork there. And weep that what I think may be the dreg ends of my life are being spent like this.

But, I keep reminding myself that, despite all the shit that's currently going down, there are still good people trying to do good things ( thank you Marcus Rashford. And as a Liverpool supporter,it takes a lot for me to.say that)

Nothing much will change, DP works from home in a secure job, DS can still go to school which was the hardest part of the first one
But
I'm 99% sure I will be told I have cancer on Thursday so that's gonna suck....

Feeling low and overwhelmed
Work as a TA in a school not paid particularly well
Was in all through the first lockdown with vulnerable and Key Worker kids

Husband still on furlough ... not been topped up
My children are independent...but bills are high !

Trying to stay sane
Already taking antidepressants...have just upped them a little ...not spoken to Dr

Keep waking at night

Sorry I sound gloomy don't I !!!

I'm feeling a bit strange tbh.
I'm going through pretty rapid peaks and troughs of emotion where I can't quite work out where I am.
I've been exhausted and depressive for a couple of months and for various reasons I've shouldered most of the responsibilities for the DCs 7 days a week.
At the moment though I'm feeling ok. I'm having a lovely time with the DCs and enjoying being out while we still can be. It feels strange having a nice day but I'm very grateful for it.
I'm hopeful that not thinking too much about it will keep me positive because its the only way I can be a decent parent.

Not good at all. Anxiety is through the roof, especially in the evening. Spend the majority of the time crying and trying to hide it from the kids, but it’s harder and harder to put on a brave face. But I have a roof over my head, a secure job and my family are healthy. I must focus on that.

Just living with constant low level anxiety. Not really for me or my husband, though at early sixties we are more vulnerable than some, though we dont have any underlying health conditions.

But anxiety for my daughter, front line doctor on a Covid ward that is already at capacity, working 12 hour shifts and worried she will bring it home to her family. Worried for grandchildren who have already missed so much school. Sad for grandson who has seen his November birthday go from a party, to a couple of friends in the garden, to a pizza restaurant to see each idea cancelled in turn.

Scared for parents in their mid eighties, currently living independently but so vulnerable.

But I know it is worse for many, so I try to put it all out of mind.

Incredibly low, I coped pretty well the first lockdown, just the odd down day. This time is different I have a chronic illness that has progressed as it’s not being treated. I was told last week treatment could start again now I doubt it will. I should be going away next week to celebrate a big birthday, that’s been cancelled and my birthday will be spent in lockdown without my friends and family around me. I don’t have confidence that the lockdown will lift on 2nd as Boris does u turns all the time and can’t be trusted. We fought to keep our business going during the last lockdown, I’m not so sure how it will be this time. I feel bleak and that there is no point to even hoping Christmas will happen this year

I’m trying to stay optimistic. I have a job, house and am financially ok, as is DH. But I suffer with clinical depression. I’m on a career break due to a rough couple of years and was supposed to be travelling the world and slowly coming off my high dose meds to TTC next year, neither of which are likely to happen. I’ve had moments of complete despair at what will happen with the economy being so dire and all this collective hardship. I feel as though we are living in a disaster film.

I’m terrified for my close relative who has lost their job and was already in a bad way before this, and I’m worried for my elderly parents. I’m going to try and use this time positively to do lots of exercise, Counselling, DIY and find some online volunteering work. I know that having the option to do all that makes me so fortunate

@Pyjamaface oh god, I’m thinking of you
And of everyone having a bit of a shitty time of it.
I’m feeling a bit beaten really. Back to school
For me and the dc, dh is at work, both of us lucky enough to have secure jobs and not be worried on that front which is a huge weight off my mind and one that I’m so thankful for as I nearly left my job this time last year for something that would be riskier.
But back to school has brought me nothing but panic. I look after a very elderly relative and the thought it transmitting it is crippling me. Put off going to visit but then get anxious and scared phone calls about why I’m not visiting. So feel guilty and go straight there because I worry about her mental health (she doesn’t see anyone day to day and suffers with depression along with mild dementia so the worry is constant anyway but that’s a whole other thread). She lives far away so it’s a few hours round trip most days that I visit which takes away time from my dc at home which they understand but still just feel very pulled.
Would love her to come and stay with us for the time being but she won’t leave her home, it just puts added pressure on me having to be in 2 places at once.
Anyway, a trivial moan, nothing compared to others and I wouldn’t tell anyone in real life how stressed I am about it all. Because it’s not going to change things.
I agree that schools should be the last place to close but I also think with people saying schools are fine, small kids don’t spread it forget that social distancing just isn’t possible in a classroom environment, we spend hours of the day sat next to them with no masks, just breathing in the classroom germs. Us adults are at risk even if smaller children aren’t testing positive in their droves. The school next to us had to close their junior school because 7 members of staff tested positive, I’m terrified of passing it on to my relative. May sound dramatic. I don’t really care!

If school and daycare keep open we're fine. And I keep wfh (and keep my job!)

It's very boring staying home, no restos etc but I'm now looking forward to Christmas so I'm focusing on that.

I feel sad, and find myself crying occasionally which is not like me at all. All normal life has gone. I'm worried about the economy, the misery of people in a much worse position, sad about not seeing friends, and worried I or my loved ones will get sick and die. Previously shielded DS, but kids are still at school, and fed up feeling so fed up about it all.

My concern is more for other people than myself.

I keep saying it will improve. We will get a vaccine. But lurking there is the fear, life will never ever be the same again.

Well I literally could have cried and cried this morning. I just about held it together as had youngest daughter off school because of staff training day. I then rang my sister and let it off my chest to say how sad I am feeling and worried. I have an anxiety ball inside me that just keeps getting bigger and bigger. I am just trying really hard to take each day as it comes but it is proving very difficult. Virtual hugs to anyone feeling the same.

Feeling really guilty, am expecting my second child and can't help but feel like a terrible person for bringing them into this mess. Wish I could go to sleep and not wake up to be honest.

@NilesandDaphne

Completely suicidal. The first lockdown nearly finished me off, I fear this one will

I know the feeling. I fear what I'll do to myself if its extended. I can't cope with months and months of lockdown again.

I feel like I am on the ridge of a mountain, one tiny breeze will send me topling down. I am wfh and struggling being away from colleagues, only seen my Dad once since last Christmas- it's his birthday this week and wont get to see him.

I have a lead weight feeling in my stomach and keep going to bed too late again and waking late, something that started last lockdown and which was starting to get better. I grind my teeth in my sleep and have been having nightmares most nights for the past month.

I’ve had moments of complete despair at what will happen with the economy being so dire and all this collective hardship. I feel as though we are living in a disaster film

This is exactly now I feel. I am very very worried about the economy medium and long term, everyone I know said they can't afford another lockdown but we are having one anyway. I am worried it is going to be longer than 4 weeks.

Mostly though I get through the day with grimness and the odd bout of hysterical laughter. I am very concerned for my friends who might lose jobs, and those with perilously bad mental health. I feel helpless knowing that I can't support them face to face or offer a hug, it feels so alien not to be able to draw people close to you to get through this time, it's all I want to do and yet we are being told to keep people at arms length. It's hard.
to everyone on this thread who is struggling right now.