How is everyone feeling? A space to talk without judgement

[wheresmymojo]

So obviously it's a bit of a shit time right now for all sorts of reasons.

I know there are a million threads out there already but I thought it might be nice to have one place where people can say how they're feeling without judgement.

So please respect this as it would be good to:

• Let people say how they feel without making them feel guilty about it

• Playing suffering Olympics, there's always someone having a worse time than us but your feelings are still valid

• Getting into debates about the rights or wrongs of the approach / lockdown / whatever. There are plenty of threads for that already.

This is a little quiet space of the interwebs where you can share how you're doing and where we will hear you

Feel a bit on edge here. I am in Wales so we are due to come out of lockdown next week, but I think the next month will be testing for all of us in the UK. If the infection rate continues to rise in England it will be very grim.

I am finding I want to go out less and less. Maybe just because "winter is coming".

Thanks ladies. Baby chips is now 5! I should have been going home for Christmas but that's not happening now either

Not sure if it’s lockdown/US elections/DH being an arse or just general hormones but I’m utterly fucked off with everything. DH is being particularly toddler like which I am just not in the mood for. And he’s lazy and I’m only just noticing how awful he is. Maybe that’s a separate thread for a different board....

Also my teen is also struggling - just starting college and making friends and now potentially having to learn online. It’s been so difficult for her.

Sick, of being in pain with gyne problems been going on for months now, arthritis bad but always worse in winter,

I'm worried that the schools will shut.
I'm worried about DHs work (self employed builder on big site)

The virus? Not worried about that at all.

I also find that I look forward to the end of the day and getting into bed as it means another day nearer to this all being over. That's not good.

@CandyLeBonBon

Exhausted. I single parent 3 teens. Their dad sees them for 24 hours a fortnight. It's all on me. Everything. Eldest is autistic and morose. The life admin for them all is overwhelming. My business has gone through the floor. I have got some other work in the same industry but the pay is fairly basic but at least I can say I'm working.

It's soul destroying. I don't really care about lockdown. I'm just trying to get through and navigate an increasingly complicated life in the hope that I don't just get swallowed up and disappear.

I feel invisible.

I can relate to some of this esp invisibility and 'keeping swimming'

Now a single parent (of 4 years duration) to two teens both ASD.
The eldest has such severe anxiety he has 'attacks' (not epileptic)
The life admin is endless. I don't sleep. And I'm also disabled.
They had their first joint full day back to School today since March. I got a call from School to say he'd had an attack.
I am their Carer but one has just turned 16. His DLA now stops. If he isn't awarded PIP at the qualifying level then all our income stops.
Lots of this feels out of my control but that I should be able to fix it?
I'm also worried about the US election, and Covid and Brexit, but I can't do anything about any of those.
Ironically, I am an NHS trained CBT therapist (in a previous life) - hah!

to all...

I was relatively buoyant with the first lockdown, but this one has done me in. Not helped by ongoing marriage problems (nothing abusive, so I realise I’m lucky in that respect), but the love has definitely gone and if I wasn’t locked down and feeling trapped by not having a job, I’d have left. I’ve had to leave my profession due to depression, but unable to find anything else while I have cripplingly low self-esteem and don’t have childcare for my 3 year old anyway (pre-schools essentially aren’t open to new children as they’re not doing settling in sessions and she’s a tricky customer).

Added to that, despite living in one of the areas with the lowest covid rates, people are acting ridiculous and paranoid. I follow the rules, I don’t think it’s all a 5g conspiracy.... but seeing a woman literally screaming “Get away from me!” at my autistic 7 year old nephew (who was a good 4m away from her in the open air)z The same day my daughter (3) and I went to a cafe (within the rules) and the foul looks and getting up from neighbouring table by a couple just made me feel terribly sad for her. I’m fed up with the child-hating. I’m fed up with the polarised debate (you don’t have to be for or against lockdown... it is possible to see it’s necessary to save lives but also worry about the effects on livelihoods, education, mental health etc). I’m fed up with the Nigel Farage’s trying to make political capital out of a fundamentally crap situation, just as I’m fed up with the people lapping up all the gory, salacious details about ice rinks as morgues. It’s just all so fucking shit.

I'm trying to transcend this ongoing existential crisis that has truly taken hold of me. I'm pushing 50 and in the past 3 years, I have watched cancer rip my brother apart- my brother, who was my everything and my rock throughout a childhood marred by addiction, violence, and neglect. Our other brother fell off the wagon a few years ago, so to deal with that addiction, yet again, and his behaviour when using, while our brother has tried desperately to hang onto a life so worth fighting for, has been soul destroying. Knowing that I will lose my brother to cancer is defeating me. And I am desperately trying to find solace in the reality that everything has no meaning and yet everything means so much. I no longer look for meaning, but purpose in my living day. I live life through my brother's eyes, and everything has become a 'last time'. It hurts deeply. Covid, lockdowns, and the illiberal democracy that has taken hold of America and the UK doesn't help my mood.
But I still see the silver linings, amazingly. Spiritual embers still glow in my womb, delivering wonderful but sad dreams to me in my sleep.

Honestly? Like shit. I have bad depression and anxiety and I just feel stuck. I’m beating myself up for being off work (and probably facing the grievance process) and not getting things done. I basically feel like I’ve failed at life and should be put down ☹️

On the plus side DH is really lovely,,kind and patient and we are enjoying having time together as we both travelled a lot pre Covid. DD is also being a little super star even though I’m ill and she is limited in the fun she can have outside school.

Thank you for the thread OP.

to all those that need them.

I know in the grand scheme of things I am very fortunate, we have a home, food on the table (loo roll in the bathroom 🙄) and both still have jobs. We currently have good health and our families are doing ok too.

I think I have mild PTSD from the first lockdown - looking after two small children whilst working from home. My DH is a workaholic and working from home has made him even worse. He has basically worked 16 hours a day, 7 days a week since April. That is all he has done. I can count the number of meals he has prepared in the last 6 months on one hand. He has not lifted a finger round the house. He is working. Always working.

I am lonely. My Facebook timeline was full if people doing zoom quizzes and making the most of it but I wasn't invited to anything and my invitations went unanswered. It has made me realise that I am not as important to those people as they are/were to me. I am an introvert and so I think friends and family assumed I am/was ok. I am not ok. I feel insignificant and unimportant. I do not matter to anyone. I am here to cook, clean and wipe arses.

I am lonely but never alone. I miss that too.

Work - I am so busy but I do not have the heart for it. It doesn't seem important when so much else is going on in the world. I have no enthusiasm for it. I liked going out to work but having to do it from my kitchen table and not having the interaction with my colleagues makes everything so much harder.

My kids. They are small and I am grateful that they are largely protected from everything but I do wonder whether there will be any lasting damage from only seeing friends at school, all the mask wearing and fear of the virus. What are we doing to the young?

Economically- we are in the middle of selling our house. I cannot live here anymore. I think it is part of the PTSD (I know, I am exaggerating) but I have a physical reaction to our kitchen/ diner. I have spent so many hours cooped up with the DC in there (DH has taken over the living room as his office) - cooking, cleaning, refereeing fights, homeschooling, trying to work, feeling stressed and anxious that I avoid going in there now if I don't have to. We cannot find somewhere to buy so we may end up homeless/ priced out of the housing market / lose all of our money if inflation ramps up or our currency is devalued but I don't care. I cannot live here anymore.

The fear - I am frightened. Frightened of losing a parent. Frightened of civil unrest. Frightened for my DC. I am not frightened about catching the virus myself. I am frightened that the feelings of wanting to disappear grow.

Sleep. I cannot sleep. I lost the ability to sleep back in March when everything was so unknown. I average about 4hrs a night now and I am permanently tired.

It's good to get it all out.

@52andblue

And to all who are struggling - you are heard. Even if it's only on Mumsnet

Sorry to hear so many are struggling.

My mental health is declining rapidly. I can tell because my health anxiety has reared its ugly head I’ve convinced myself that ongoing pain in my armpit is breast cancer. It consumes me and I am distracted by it 24/7.

I have 2 young children and wfh full time. The house is a tip, I’m a mess and feel like everything his falling apart.

When I’m well, everything is so ‘together’, tidy house, clothes washed, ironed and hung up, mean plan, home cooked meals blah blah and when everything is in order and I can take on anything.

My dad died in May and I’m sad about that 24/7 too. There’s a dark cloud following me around.

I miss my friends and wider family so much. I haven’t got the energy for any more zoom calls. I don’t have the energy to entertain the kids like I did in the first lockdown.

My daughter said she felt unwell and coughed. In immediately went into a decline assuming she has Covid.

I know all this could be solved my going to the doctor and being assured I dont have breast cancer. I just can’t make myself book an appointment.

Hate living with health anxiety. It’s ruining my life.

Feeling like shit - crying at least twice a day.

Had my third miscarriage last week - despite paying a fortune for a consultant, tests and medication.

Couldn’t visit family in my home country as it’s on quarantine list again.

Ongoing issues at work where I am battling a bullying boss and feel undervalued and not respected.

My DM might lose her small business due to second lockdown, she is constantly messaging me with her mental health issues.

DH also has a really stressful time at work - Covid related.

Where do I go from here??

Feeling like shit - crying at least twice a day.

Had my third miscarriage last week - despite paying a fortune for a consultant, tests and medication.

Couldn’t visit family in my home country as it’s on quarantine list again.

Ongoing issues at work where I am battling a bullying boss and feel undervalued and not respected.

My DM might lose her small business due to second lockdown, she is constantly messaging me with her mental health issues.

DH also has a really stressful time at work - Covid related.

Where do I go from here??

Feeling like shit - crying at least twice a day.

Had my third miscarriage last week - despite paying a fortune for a consultant, tests and medication.

Couldn’t visit family in my home country as it’s on quarantine list again.

Ongoing issues at work where I am battling a bullying boss and feel undervalued and not respected.

My DM might lose her small business due to second lockdown, she is constantly messaging me with her mental health issues.

DH also has a really stressful time at work - Covid related.

Where do I go from here??

Feeling really shit.

Had my third miscarriage last week - despite being on tons of medication, I lost another pregnancy. Heartbroken.

Couldn’t visit my family recently as my home country got added to the quarantine list.

Work is shit, my line manager is a bully and I would love to quit. Obviously not the best time right now.

My DM is a small business owner and about to go bust thanks to second lockdown in her country. Her mental health is really bad and she is messaging me constantly about how stressful everything is for her.

I cry every morning and every night. Any advice on how can help myself? i already take antidepressants.

Feeling really shit.

Had my third miscarriage last week - despite being on tons of medication, I lost another pregnancy. Heartbroken.

Couldn’t visit my family recently as my home country got added to the quarantine list.

Work is shit, my line manager is a bully and I would love to quit. Obviously not the best time right now.

My DM is a small business owner and about to go bust thanks to second lockdown in her country. Her mental health is really bad and she is messaging me constantly about how stressful everything is for her.

I cry every morning and every night. Any advice on how can help myself? i already take antidepressants.

Experiencing health anxiety which I've never had in my life. Dr Google doing my head in. Post meno gynae issues.
Teaching online.
Feel sorry for DD (17) The kids were fine during first lockdown. They aren't now. Not mine, or the ones I'm teaching. I can feel the difference.
Dp might be furloughed.
My mum died in the summer and couldn't go to get funeral because no air corridor. I haven't even started to try and process that yet.
We had the fifth new govt decree (Italy) in ten days tonight.
All a bit crap isn't it. Hey ho.
to all and thanks for the thread.

Experiencing health anxiety which I've never had in my life. Dr Google doing my head in. Post meno gynae issues.
Teaching online.
Feel sorry for DD (17) The kids were fine during first lockdown. They aren't now. Not mine, or the ones I'm teaching. I can feel the difference.
Dp might be furloughed.
My mum died in the summer and couldn't go to get funeral because no air corridor. I haven't even started to try and process that yet.
We had the fifth new govt decree (Italy) in ten days tonight.
All a bit crap isn't it. Hey ho.
to all and thanks for the thread.

Feeling a bit anxious and scared. Who knows what the future will bring

Thanks for the flowers.

I did indeed have cancer but luckily stage 1a1 and removed by Lletz. No clear margins so I've opted for a hysterectomy instead of more treatments. Feeling a million pounds lighter!

Please attend your smear tests, they really are a life saver

for all who need them