Would you have a male nanny?

[ShirleyPhallus]

DH and I are talking about this and neither of us would feel 100% comfortable about it but we can’t really articulate why.

Have you ever employed the services of a male nanny? Would you?

I was brought up by a male nanny. He was utterly wonderful and I’m thrilled my mother hired him.

I think you’re focused too much on sex. Focus on choosing the best person for your child.

If you blame the vast majority of innocent men and hold them responsible for the wicked minority, do you also personally accept full responsibility for what these and many other vile, disgusting women have done?

I do, yes. Don’t you? Or do you think ‘ah well, NAWALT so no point in making sure it doesn’t happen again’. The problem of Men runs much deeper than a handful of names though - toxic masculinity is far reaching.

Really - to the extent that you'd expect people not to trust you to look after their children because of what other women have done to betray that trust? Those were the names off the top of my head, but they're by no means the only ones. Plus, as a PP said, there are lots of different kinds of abuse other than sexual, and I've read many, many threads and posts on here where people talk about their abusive/neglectful mothers. It sounds like you can't trust women as a class either.

Again, if men really wanted to take on caring roles, they would. But they don’t.

Again, if parents see that they are male and instantly refuse to let them (or grudgingly do, but under a big cloud of suspicion), why would they want to? Anyway, in spite of all of the prejudice and negativity that still persists, a lot of men are now moving into caring roles - nurses, care home workers, in-home carers (adult male clients are usually happier with another man providing intimate care), nursery workers, early-years teachers and teaching assistants, childminders, nannies - and I think society is very much the better off for the more representative mixture of men and women taking on these roles. If there were no male nannies, OP would never have had any cause to start this thread, would she?

Not a nanny but our DD had a male keyworker at nursery. He was fantastic. Brilliant with the kids and parents.

Helped my DD and the other children learn that childcare can and is a mans role too.

Really - to the extent that you'd expect people not to trust you to look after their children because of what other women have done to betray that trust?

Yes. And I’d be surprised if you didn’t too, nobody hands their kid over and says ‘I don’t know you from Adam but here you go, fingers crossed!’

You keep saying ‘why should they?’ while at the same time a arguing that more men should take on caring roles. That position of trust has to come first - and men aren’t doing that. There isn’t a huge, nationwide push to get men into nannying. Most men don’t see it as worthwhile - and they don’t give enough of a shit to help those who do. As you say yourself, by repeating ‘why should they?’.

Plus, as a PP said, there are lots of different kinds of abuse other than sexual, and I've read many, many threads and posts on here where people talk about their abusive/neglectful mothers. It sounds like you can't trust women as a class either.

A big reason for this too is because women are often left to raise children alone. If there were as many single fathers with three abandoned children and no maintenance, what do you think those figures would look like?

Well - as the dses are 23, 25 and 27 now, it’s not a decision I’m going to have to make, but when they were little, if we had needed and been able to afford a nanny, I would have been very happy to employ a male nanny.

No, I wouldn't.

@Pumperthepumper

Plus, as a PP said, there are lots of different kinds of abuse other than sexual, and I've read many, many threads and posts on here where people talk about their abusive/neglectful mothers. It sounds like you can't trust women as a class either.

A big reason for this too is because women are often left to raise children alone. If there were as many single fathers with three abandoned children and no maintenance, what do you think those figures would look like?

@Pumperthepumper You seem to be conflating neglect of children with raising children in poverty. The two are very different. Furthermore you seem to be saying that poor single mothers are more likely to abuse their children? That’s really prejudiced. Do have any evidence for this claim that raising a child as a single mother is more likely to make you an abusive mum?

You seem to be conflating neglect of children with raising children in poverty. The two are very different.

In what way am I doing that? By saying they don’t get maintenance? I don’t think that automatically implies living in poverty, it means absolutely no input from the other parent.

Furthermore you seem to be saying that poor single mothers are more likely to abuse their children? That’s really prejudiced. Do have any evidence for this claim that raising a child as a single mother is more likely to make you an abusive mum?

Again, aside from the ‘poor’ bit explained above - that’s a weird interpretation of that idea, but yes. More women are left to raise children alone with no male input than vv. Therefore it would follow that statistically women are more likely to be abusive in ways other than sexual. Because they are around children more often. But that doesn’t change the fact that the vast, vast majority of sex- and violence-related crimes are carried out by men.

@PlanDeRaccordement stats here:

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/articles/abuseduringchildhood/findingsfromtheyearendingmarch2016crimesurveyforenglandandwales

Perpetrators were most likely to be a parent for those that had suffered psychological abuse (father, 35% and mother, 40%) or physical abuse (father, 39% and mother, 29%).

@PlanDeRaccordement and really interesting article with links to the previous study here

childprotectionresource.online/mothers-are-more-likely-to-abuse-children-than-fathers-fact/

1,704 were killed by a mother acting alone. That represents only 0.12% of the1,452,099 children who are neglected by their mother alone. For fathers, who by themselves neglected 661,129 children, they killed 0.13% (859). So in terms of parents acting alone, fathers kill MORE children than mothers.

She then moved on to assert that mothers were more likely to abuse children than father’s full stop, referring to an Australian article ‘Why aren’t we talking about abusive mums?‘. Again I wonder to what extent this is reflection of the fact that women are overwhelmingly more likely to be lone carers, and considerably more likely to be poor.

I'd ask him why. And then see if we could identify different careers that he was also interested in without the limited job security and poor pension prospects. I'd do the same with my daughter though.

What a disgrace.

@MrMeSeeks

I'd ask him why. And then see if we could identify different careers that he was also interested in without the limited job security and poor pension prospects. I'd do the same with my daughter though.

What a disgrace.

How so?

Our family were not users of nannies or other carers as a general rule, but at one point it felt very suitable to have another older male figure in our son's life. So asked a teen boy I'd seen interacting with children for a couple of years to be a baby sitter / mentor. He was great. It involved a fair bit of them sitting on the bed together playing on the X box so plenty of opportunities to get paranoid. Our son definitely benefited from the relationship and I like to think the older boy appreciated the trust and respect and the cash.

There’s no way I would hire a male nanny. I’d be ok with male nursery workers and preschool teachers because they are never 1 on 1 in a private place. And I don’t trust male relatives to look after my kids solo either. This isn’t theoretical for me. I found out a relative of my husband sexually abused children in his care years ago. He was on the sexual offenders register because that only lasted 10 years in his case. If I hadn’t been told by family I would have no way of knowing. My trust in men as childcarers has been irrevocably shattered. Sexual abuse of children is common enough that there must be many people with a similar thought process.