Would you have a male nanny?

[ShirleyPhallus]

DH and I are talking about this and neither of us would feel 100% comfortable about it but we can’t really articulate why.

Have you ever employed the services of a male nanny? Would you?

No wonder so many are reluctant when they are treated as potential paedophiles

Look, when I'm walking alone on a deserted street at night and hear footsteps behind me and spin around, if I see a woman I know I am certainly not going to get raped and murdered, if I see a man I know I am almost certainly not going to get raped and murdered. If I see a woman, I relax down to low alert. If I see a man, I stay on high alert till I can get a better check of his expression and body language and gauge if I have the space to jump and run or get my hands up. I'm not going to worry too much about his poor hurt feelings if he sees me looking tense. Yeah I know I'm statistically more likely to be raped by my DH (though that would come as a surprise as he has never shown any remote tendencies in 10 years).

If the person behind me is female and happens to fall in step with me for a few strides and remarks about how the pubs were rammed tonight and it's bloody cold and she can't wait to be in her warm bed I'll smile and agree. If it's a man I'll probably nod slightly then drop back, sideways and away. You know. Just in case. I treat them differently in that situation, based purely on their sex. A sizeable minority of bad men have fucked things up for the good ones by creating the Schrodinger's rapist phenomenon.

Yea! I think it's really important young children have contact with lovely caring men that expel sexist stereotypes. Otherwise they will grow up thinking only women can do these jobs... like the OP

Yes I would, and my DC went to a nursery that employed a few men. I would assume that a male nanny would be brilliant at his job, because he would have had to experience negative attitudes from parents (in the way that women do for historically male jobs).

Can’t believe that it was suggested that we are encouraging girls to take an interest in STEM careers just to make up the numbers!

If I had a son who wanted to be a nanny I think it would be pretty hard for him to hide any unpleasant tendencies for 16 or 18 years living with me, compared to me not having the radar to detect a stranger masking it for an interview and agency background checks so I would probably think he was doing it for noble reasons. I would tell him to expect it to be harder to get work cos paedo men in society have fucked it up a little bit for him. Not fair, but reality. I'd tell him to mind out for the possibility of sleazy women trying to talk him into bed when their husbands were away. If I had a daughter who wanted to be a nanny I would tell her to mind out for the possibility of sleazy men trying to talk her into bed. And also for the slight possibility of a sleazy man trying to physically force her into bed.

So just because he is male he is going to abuse a child eh

No, obviously that statement is untrue

However, looking at the statistics a man is
More likely to sexually abuse a child than a female.

I am shocked! Of course I would have a male nanny!
In fact, women can be abusers. They can also have boyfriends who can influence their behaviour and give them access to children. There have been abusive female child minders and nannies.
Please stop being so sexist.

@BigBigPumpkin

*What if your son told you he wanted to become a nanny? Would you tell him he was odd or think he was a potential paedophile?*

I'd ask him why. And then see if we could identify different careers that he was also interested in without the limited job security and poor pension prospects. I'd do the same with my daughter though.

A good nanny can earn excellent money if they're committed at what they do. Besides, happiness in your job is far more than just a paycheque.

Get away with your ridiculous prejudice.

No I wouldn't. People can scream sexism all they want but in the same way I dont 100% trust strange men and wouldn't put myself in a vulnerable situation with them, I wouldn't ignore the same gut feelings and put my child in potential harms way neither. When men as a sex class stop the majority of raping, murdering, and abusing children and women, I may revise my opinions. Until then I'm listening to my gut feelings.

@OverTheRainbow88

So just because he is male he is going to abuse a child eh

No, obviously that statement is untrue

However, looking at the statistics a man is
More likely to sexually abuse a child than a female.

The person most likely to abuse a child is a male relative.

So I assume you're never going to leave your child alone with their dad, granddad, uncle or brother? Because that's where the risk is most likely to come from

I think so. I've never had a nanny so can't really imagine anyone providing that level of care but I presume I would think of a nanny as an extension of the family and therefore trust them in the way I trust my dad and father in law to look after my children. I also think it's important for young boys to see men in roles like that - at my son's school there are no male members of staff at all which I think is a real shame.

@vanillandhoney

I didn’t say I wouldn’t be happy with a male nanny. My sons key worker is a man; my dad has my children weekly as does my brother. We don’t need a nanny.

I was saying what the other poster said was inaccurate.

Absolutely not. If and when men get male violence under control and it's no longer statistically a reasonable possibility that a man will sexually or physically abuse your children, sure. But until then, never. I'd love to have more men in daycare settings, as primary teachers, etc., but you are being willfully ignorant and unwise to trust strange men in private around your children.

[quote OverTheRainbow88]@vanillandhoney

I didn’t say I wouldn’t be happy with a male nanny. My sons key worker is a man; my dad has my children weekly as does my brother. We don’t need a nanny.

I was saying what the other poster said was inaccurate.[/quote]
My apologies!

I blame the lack of sleep 🤣

A good nanny can earn excellent money if they're committed at what they do. Besides, happiness in your job is far
more than just a paycheque.

You really want to shoot for both though. It's not the earning potential that I think is problematic, so much that you have to change jobs so frequently and your pension is likely to be the absolute minimum. I'd advise my kids away from it. I'd also be wary from a safeguarding perspective- teachers are told to never be in a room alone with a child unless visible through doors or windows to reduce the risk of false allegations. There's no such protection if you're a nanny.

In fact, women can be abusers.

Yes. 5% of cases.

They can also have boyfriends who can influence their behaviour and give them access to children.

Yes, a further 5% of cases, bringing the total to the 10% of cases that involve women.

90% are perpetrated by men acting alone or with other men.

If Dads were polled this question, I wonder what their answers would be? Would the majority of Dads be happy to have a male nanny?

We had one and he was great. Still friends with him now.

Fuck no. Not in a million years.

@TheWashingMachine

Definitely not. powershowerforanhour and Headspinner2020 put it well. Male teachers are fine, it is the one to one contact, also I just find it an odd career choice for a man.

Why do you find it an odd career choice for a man, exactly?

I would actually prefer a man so I didn't feel like I was being replaced as a mum 🙈

SAHDs- DH has been a SAHD for a large chunk of the past year.

Well, surely, if you are going to be logical about your position on male nannies, you need to acknowledge what a reckless gamble this is.

I used to be like the ‘of course’ people on this thread but actually now I’d be more cautious.

Not all men (or even that many) abuse children but of the people who do abuse children the vast majority of them are men. And the men who do abuse children are over represented in child related professions. Thus the risk that a male nanny applicant is a child abuser is higher than the risk a random man on the street is a child abuser.
So it’s not a no but it’s a more cautious approach and a readiness to be suspicious.

I do find the dichotomy of teaching my son that he will grow to be a man and that men present a risk to him difficult but it is a fundamental truth and he will have to learn that women and children will see him as a risk in the future.

He will need to realise that if he wants to work in a caring profession he will need to work harder to overcome natural suspicions and that he will need to avoid acting in a way that causes suspicion. That is not the fault of the people who are suspicious but the fault of the men who abuse children and he should direct any anger in their direction.

I’ve got to know a male nanny in the park and he is awesome. Also two male childminders who both do a great job. I’d employ any of them in a minute if I needed/could. Can’t see what them being male has to do with it??

To the people on here who are outraged that some of us dare have our own opinions - I'd have question if you are putting being 'PC' over the potential safety of your child?

I don't for one second think that all men are paedophiles. But I'm certainly not prepared to take that small chance.

Like I said, an abuser is most likely to take a position of trust, especially where they have unsupervised access.

In my own personal opinion, it's a risk I'm not prepared to take.

Well, surely, if you are going to be logical about your position on male nannies, you need to acknowledge what a reckless gamble this is.

I've just googled this. Turns out it's not true.

'Of those survivors of sexual assault by rape or penetration (including attempts), 30% reported that the perpetrator was a friend or acquaintance, followed by a family member other than a parent or step parent (26%). These were by far the most common survivor-perpetrator relationship for both sexes.'

'While survivors of rape or penetration were most likely to be abused by family members, friends or acquaintances, the most common perpetrator of other sexual assaults during childhood was a stranger (41% men and 43% women – Table 3). This is in contrast to other categories of abuse, where strangers were among the least frequently mentioned perpetrator. The second most frequent perpetrator of other sexual assaults for both men and women was a friend or acquaintance (23%).'

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/articles/abuseduringchildhood/findingsfromtheyearendingmarch2016crimesurveyforenglandandwales#:~:text=Women%20who%20experienced%20physical%20abuse,by%20a%20stranger%20(13%25).