Would you have a male nanny?

[ShirleyPhallus]

DH and I are talking about this and neither of us would feel 100% comfortable about it but we can’t really articulate why.

Have you ever employed the services of a male nanny? Would you?

Urgh. Missed off a bit of a quote I was responding to. Not having a good day!

The above was in response to the idea that a SAHD is a bigger gamble than a male nanny because kids are more likely to be abused by a male family member (apparently not true. I, too, was surprised as I've heard this parroted a lot and never before bothered to check.)

So I assume you're never going to leave your child alone with their dad, granddad, uncle or brother? Because that's where the risk is most likely to come from

I actually do keep an eye on all males, related or not, who come into contact with my children for precisely this reason.

No I don’t think I would. For the exact same as you OP it doesn’t it well with me. Personal choice.

No I wouldn't. It's the 1 to 1 thing that makes me nervous. Mine both had male teachers early doors in primary and they were fab.
It mightnt be a PC attitude but I've worked in primary schools and heard too many horror stories in safeguarding training.
Plus I've personally known too many men who seemed nice turn out to be dodgy and sleazy in reality.
Female abusers do exist obviously, but statistically are very few and far between in comparison to men.

I would not have considered a male nanny. I had a lot of friends that worked in social services, I didn’t but we were trade union stewards in local government together and they explained how predators operate. There is a higher representation in professions and hobbies where abusers have access to children. This discussion came about because a senior colleague of theirs was arrested and had been abusing children under his care.

My DS was 14 when he noticed a woman deliberately cross the street at dusk to avoid him. He came home and told me and was quite upset, he was by then over 6ft. I explained to him why that woman did it.

Absolutly not. A vagina is such an essential body part for every day activities such as changing a nappy, pushing a pram and making up a bottle of milk it would be horrific to leave a baby in the care of someone not possessing such a vital body part.

In theory, I would think an experienced, sporty male nanny for a sporty male child would be great. In fact t, I tried this when I was pregnant and wouldn’t be able to do things with my then 9 year old sporty son (particularly after having a few miscarriages, I didn’t want to risk anything).

My mistake though was hiring someone who hadn’t had direct experience. This was a live in position. His duties were for my son only - and feeding our cats. He’d get our son up, dressed, fed and walked to school ensuring he had all his things for the day (Including after school sports equipment/kit). These things were forever being forgotten. Homework bag forgotten etc.

He was to collect DS after school (or activities). Give him a snack, help with home work and then they could watch DS tv programme. I very often had phone calls at work from school that DS hadn’t been collected. I’d ring manny and he’d forgotten the time, was napping, watching tv etc.

I cooked dinner when I came home for all of us but plenty of stuff in the house (which the normal weekly shop had to go to every other day he ate so much).

DH at that travelled a lot so very often he was not around until weekends so was not much part of this and I think this may have been something to do with how manny thought he could act a certain way as it was mainly just me and DS he dealt with

Amount of pay was as advised by agency for the type of role, was advertised and in contract

This manny used to eat us out of house and home AND leave his dirty dishes all about the house for me to clean up, as well as his dirty clothes. Expected me to wash his clothes!

Refused to feed to cats because cat food smells. I’d explained how I was trying to keep my distance from the cats as I was very anxious about this pregnancy, so he Reluctantly said he’d do it (But really didn’t it turned out)

One day I cooked a roast dinner but had been so stressed by manny behaviour that to took DS out for dinner. Left the roast dinner for manny and explained that we were going out, help himself and put away. He ate it but left everything out. Poor cats were apparently so hungry they tore apart the chicken carcass and scattered it about the kitchen. Of course I had to clean it up when I got home, was not happy

He used to argue with my son because manny wanted to watch his TV programmes and not children’s programmes. He’d also keep them on and watch them rather than help DS with home work. AND he kept it on LOUD

Final straw was him physically cornering me into the corner of my kitchen and demanding more pay because he’d met a nanny who was looking after a little baby full time all week who earned more than him and he wanted the same pay. He towered over ne and I was petrified

The agency tried to reason with him. We agreed to pay notice period in full even though he’d not finished probationary period and just have him leave. He refused. Agency told him they’d have hard time to find another placement (told us they wouldn’t keep him on their books) and ultimately we had to threaten with the police to get him out.

So whilst we had a terrible experience, I think a manny who is mature, responsible, self sufficient and understands their role could be very good

This is shocking to see so many people are so against this!

A close friend of mine is a Male childminder - he’s never found it hard to get work the last few years - so I am surprised to see this.

He decided to be a stay at home dad to his daughters! Now 2 oldest are at school he childminds a few other children at his house with his youngest.

He loves children, is mad about his daughters And enjoys being a stay at home dad - so I don’t see how it’s weird or strange he has chosen a job looking after other people’s children

This job is thrown around all the time as a suggestion to woman who are stay at home mums - ohh just become a childminder - but you all seem to think a man doing it is a ridiculous suggestion .

I don’t know tbh

it would be horrific to leave a baby in the care of someone not possessing such a vital body part

Hormones and behaviour.

i wonder if the people who are against it, or have reservations, are slightly older than the ones who see no problem.
that would be my guess.
one person said she had changed her mind, become more cautious. which i think is natural.
all sorts of things i used to do, not worry about, when i was younger. now i think i was just happily ignorant of risk, innocent.

It makes me sad to read this. My DS1 is a special needs TA..and as such has to do intimate personal care for the children..just as I, in the same job, do. We have way too few male TAs ..partly because it's an undervalued and underpaid jon, but also because of this.. a young man who wants to work with children is automatically suspicious!
The few male TAs we have are a) fantastic at their job, and provide much needed male models b) people who care about children.

Not dangerous just because they have a penis. Yes men are statistically more likely to abuse, but most men don't!

So I’ve read all the replies and I think what it comes down to is a question of risk. We all do what we can to mitigate all risk of any harm to them at all. I suppose that in my mind I am consciously aware that a man poses more of a risk to my child than a woman. It’s a tiny, tiny risk and I fully appreciate that the chances of any harm coming to my daughter are tiny, but I think it’s a risk I wouldn’t want to take.

All mannies are not paedophiles, but the majority of sex offenders ARE men. While my daughter is so tiny, unable to communicate and would be in the sole care of another person then that’s a tiny risk I’m not willing to take.

I’d feel completely differently about male nursery nurses and a childminder if DD was older, but it’s the aspect of sole care and vulnerability for me.

These comments are ridiculous, of course nobody is saying all men are sex offenders but most sex offenders are men. And sadly men who put themselves around children do also have a higher rate of offending. Scoutmasters, swim teachers, Male babysitters, nursery staff etc. It’s a sad fact but given you don’t have an ability to read minds it’s not something I’d do.

There are some incredibly narrow minded opinions here.
My siblings and I had a few nannys growing up and by far our favourite was a man. He was fantastic.

This thread is interesting. I've read multiple threads on here about single mothers dating where many posters will announce that mothers should wait until their young children are much older, because statistically children are far more likely to be abused and/or killed by an unrelated male in their home.

Not all men. Only an idiot would think all men, but at the same time you can't deny the pattern of Male offending, especially when it comes to sex crimes.

“Nope” from me and I can’t be bothered thinking up a reason.

I assume you're never going to leave your child alone with their dad, granddad, uncle or brother? Because that's where the risk is most likely to come from

That male relatives constitute the majority of sexual abusers of children is presumably less a function of the genetic relationship than of access to their victims. Mother's new bloke, not included on the above list, is also a statistically high risk for the same reason: access.

I’d prefer a male nanny to a female one. My children don’t have many male role models in their lives so I’d love the idea of a guy who could be like a fun uncle, building dens and bike riding with them etc. I know that a female nanny could also do that, but I’d like to give them a positive example of a man behaving in that way.

I can't believe this sexist thread is even allowed in 2020.

"Not sure it’s sexism (side note: can you even have sexism against men)"

Of course it's sexism and if you're actually hiring a nanny it's illegal as well. And saying that only women can look after children is just as sexist against women as it is against men.

No. Especially not to children under 6.

You can’t have sexism towards men. This is only a problem because historically men haven’t lowered themselves to take on caring roles. In the same way all women had to fight to be taken seriously in STEM, all men must now fight to be taken seriously in childcare. They won’t though, because most men think they’re above it.

yes

You can have sexism towards men. Absolutely.
sexism noun [ U ] treatment of men and women based on the belief that particular jobs and activities are suitable only for men and others are suitable only for women: The company is facing accusations of sexism in its recruitment policy.

historically men haven’t lowered themselves to take on caring roles.

It’s sexism that you believe caring roles are “lower” roles.