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Original poster

Would you have a male nanny?

165 replies

ShirleyPhallus · 29/10/2020 21:39

DH and I are talking about this and neither of us would feel 100% comfortable about it but we can’t really articulate why.

Have you ever employed the services of a male nanny? Would you?

OP posts:
rainbowlou · 29/10/2020 22:22

Some of these answers make me really sad, I was a nanny and my son has said he would like to do a similar job when he is older, or work in a school.
I can’t believe anyone would think so suspiciously of him purely because he is male.

Original poster
ShirleyPhallus · 29/10/2020 22:23

@WWYD2020

Yeah just like I had multiple male docs/consultants look at my vag when giving birth.. they’re just doing a job, hopefully they’ll do it well.
See this I was very comfortable with. And in a nursery setting I’d feel very comfortable with male nursery staff.

But I think it’s the 1-2-1 care of 1 year old DD left all day that I would struggle to feel comfortable with. Not sure it’s sexism (side note: can you even have sexism against men)

OP posts:
DrGachet · 29/10/2020 22:24

Nearly all sex offenders in prison are men, so no I wouldn't.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Childcare & nursery Families
cactusdog · 29/10/2020 22:27

Personally no I wouldn't, I don't know why but I feel weird about it.

Sarahljones · 29/10/2020 22:28

No way

saraclara · 29/10/2020 22:29

side note: can you even have sexism against men

I can't believe you're asking that. Of COURSE you can. Jeeze.

saraclara · 29/10/2020 22:30

@DrGachet

Nearly all sex offenders in prison are men, so no I wouldn't.
That doesn't mean that nearly all men are sex offenders, you know.
Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 29/10/2020 22:32

If he was the best person for the job definitely.
I was a nanny (I am female if it matters) I had the pleasure of meeting a few male nannies during my career they were all fabulous at their jobs, not because they were men but because they were fantastic humans who cared about the children in their care.

GruntBaby · 29/10/2020 22:35

Yes.

We interviewed a Norland male nanny, he was lovely and we'd have gone with him if we hadn't had a surprise application from a previous lovely female nanny, so went with what we knew. He was really appreciative that we'd even interviewed him, as apparently even with the Norland name, people are funny about male nannies.

DS's favourite key workers at nursery were 2 male nursery nurses. They spent a lot of time outdoors, whittling wood, and carving stuff and building dens. He adored them and they were so lovely with him.

ReneeRol · 30/10/2020 01:25

I would. I don't care what their sex is as long as I find them very trustworthy, competent, likeable and the child liked them and felt safe around them.

AlCalavicci · 30/10/2020 01:48

This thread is so disapointing , of course you can have sexisim agaist men , this thread proves it in bucket fulls !
So just because he is male he is going to abuse a child eh

Yes there are some wicked men out there that are child abusers but that give you no right what so ever to tar them all with the same brush

Can you imagin the uproar if we said all blond women are stupid - all irish people are thick - all austrailans are crooks - all women are weaker than men .

You should employ someone to look after your DC that you think will do a good job and care for them . Not based on what sexual organs they have

Headspinner2020 · 30/10/2020 01:51

I wouldn't. No way.

Headspinner2020 · 30/10/2020 01:56

It's not uncommon for people who have an unhealthy interest in children to take jobs that allow them opportunity. Yes it applies to women too, but statistically more men are sex offenders.

References and DBS checks mean nothing. It means that they may not have been caught.

I think in a setting where there are other adults such a schools and nurseries, I'd be more than happy.

Wouldn't take the risk where it was one on one.

Dillydallyingthrough · 30/10/2020 01:57

Yes I would and its depressing reading this thread. We should be encouraging more men into caring jobs.

BlusteryLake · 30/10/2020 02:13

Woman who "can't quite put her finger on" why she doesn't want to employ a man also asks if sexism against men exists. Wake up - you are that sexism. Jeez.....

Porridgeoat · 30/10/2020 02:17

Well I work with both males and females. Know them all well and and have a good raider for dogginess and would probably trust males and females equally in my setting. Outside of my setting and with new male staff, I’d be unsure due to being unknown quantity and historically males commuting most predatory crimes

MrMeSeeks · 30/10/2020 02:22

Yes i would, some of these responses are shameful.
We’re trying to fight sexism against us Yet some think this is ok?

alexdgr8 · 30/10/2020 02:32

i don't think they are shameful. it's a difference of opinion.
i agree with Headspinner.
young children, esp alone with a nanny, are very vulnerable.
i would not take a chance. because my decision to try to be fair or broadminded could negatively impact a dependent person.
if it could only affect me, or other adults, that's different.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 30/10/2020 02:36

Some people - men and women - have the same reaction to pilots or plumbers or car mechanics and just wouldn't trust a female one. They have reasons for their thinking in this including "erm, well, it's, um, not really normal is it; sort of weird, and I, er, just have a misgiving that I can't put my finger on. Why would they even want to do that anyway?"

There is a significant risk that any male employed in such roles would sexually abuse your child

Statistically, children are much more likely to be abused by somebody they know well, so whatever you do, DO NOT ever let your husband, dad, grandad, brother, uncle be on their own with your child. No such worries about female relatives - if you care about boring, dry old statistics, they're also a lot more likely to abuse your child in multiple ways than strange women are, but.... you'll probably be OK to just ignore that....

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 30/10/2020 02:45

To be on the safe side, I'd be sure to avoid any female nannies as well, as women are well known to be very indecisive, unable to focus, hysterical and liable to just keep bursting into tears every time they're out of their depth. That's one main reason why we don't trust them enough to give them the vote. Oh, hang on, I think those militant feminists might have forced us to change that now; but even so, it's always best to err on the side of caution and trust your 'instincts'....

This thread reminds me of one from some time ago where there was a chap referred to as Dave (presumably not his real name) who had given up his free time to help out as a supervisor at Guides. A sizeable minority of posters were convinced that he must be a rank pervert up to no good. Any of you who are the parents of sons: they'll grow up to be men like Dave, you know - do you hope that they will also be assumed by default to be paedophiles?

powershowerforanhour · 30/10/2020 02:50

No. Primary school teacher, nursery worker, paediatrician- fine. Nanny/childminder- not for me. Not all men are paedos, but nearly all paedos are men and jobs with unsupervised access to potential victims have got to be a magnet for them as well as those with pure, kind noble caring instincts...and crucially, my radar is not good enough to reliably tell the difference. Somebody good at grooming parents could probably fool me reasonably easily and the stakes are too high.

1forAll74 · 30/10/2020 02:51

I dare say that there are lots of men who could be great nannies,or child carers, but they are probably put off by all the opinions about them being so. It's not the same I know, but I have worked in care homes for the elderly, and worked with several younger males there, who were absolutely brilliant at their jobs. The oldie female and male residents thought they were lovely too. Generations apart, they all benefited from eachother.

Kinneddar · 30/10/2020 02:54

can you even have sexism against men

Ffs you have to be kidding 🙄

ZombieFan · 30/10/2020 02:56

If he had a six pack then def a good choice for a nanny ;)

BigBigPumpkin · 30/10/2020 03:00

I wouldn't, OP. And yes, it's horribly sexist of me. 5% of sexual abuse is committed by a woman acting without a man, compared to 95% by men. Men are a greater risk, and a male nanny even more so- unsupervised with a child for hours every day. Paedophiles are also likely to seek out positions that give them access to children. I'm not increasing the risk to my DC in the name of championing equality. More power to those willing to do so. Some risk is inevitable with childcare, but I'll minimise it wherever possible. Yes, the risk is small, but I'm not willing to take it.