Would you have a male nanny?

[ShirleyPhallus]

DH and I are talking about this and neither of us would feel 100% comfortable about it but we can’t really articulate why.

Have you ever employed the services of a male nanny? Would you?

You do know that CSA is only one kind of child abuse and accounts for only 9% of child abuse? And that if you look at ALL forms of child abuse (the whole 100%- physical, emotional, neglect, as well as sexual) women (54% of perpetrators) are just as likely as men (45% of perpetrators) to abuse children.
www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/childmaltreatment-facts-at-a-glance.pdf

"You can’t have sexism towards men."

This is sexism towards women as well though i.e. women must be the ones who look after the children. These kinds of attitudes don't do women any favours.

@saraclara

side note: can you even have sexism against men

I can't believe you're asking that. Of COURSE you can. Jeeze.

No you can't lol

Wow...you can't be sexist if it's men?! This is one of the reasons my DH has been unemployed for over a year. He found out he was turned down for a job because the manager didn't like men working in the shop (even though he had years of experience).

If they had the experience, qualifications and we're good with my child, I would totally hire a male nanny.

Remember the Friends episode "The One with the Male Nanny" just saying...

F.Y.I. those playing the violence and sex offenders card...DISCLOSURE CHECKS! Women are also capable of these crimes too.

Also OP, you're taking a risk putting your child in the sole care of anyone other than yourself, male or female.

So you want to hire a male who's a nanny, you got yourself a manny

Legally, you can have sexism against men. In terms of political analysis of oppression, you can’t.

And I wouldn’t hire a manny. I wouldn’t write this into law as that would be discrimination; if I had a son who wanted to go for it I would encourage it but I would also point out that a lot of mothers might feel like me. I’m all for men in caring roles but I would never leave a man in a one to one unsupervised role with a young child. I know too much about paedophilia and I wouldn’t take that risk.

Saying men shouldn't work with children is the same as saying women should work with children. (Unless you can train otters to do it.)
You want women to do low pay low value jobs then? You think a woman's place is raising children?

Wow...you can't be sexist if it's men?! This is one of the reasons my DH has been unemployed for over a year. He found out he was turned down for a job because the manager didn't like men working in the shop (even though he had years of experience).

Sorry, but parents not being comfortable with male nannies is not the reason your husband has been unemployed for a year. Is he a nanny? Men, as a whole, are the most privileged group in society and are certainly do not experience discrimination in the way most minority groups do. This is like saying that your white friend is unemployed because a company is doing a drive to increase the number of BAME employees.

You do know that CSA is only one kind of child abuse and accounts for only 9% of child abuse? And that if you look at ALL forms of child abuse (the whole 100%- physical, emotional, neglect, as well as sexual) women (54% of perpetrators) are just as likely as men (45% of perpetrators) to abuse children.

I would like to mitigate any risk possible and not ignore a risk, just because there are other riskier factors at play

@Mysterian

Saying men shouldn't work with children is the same as saying women should work with children. (Unless you can train otters to do it.) You want women to do low pay low value jobs then? You think a woman's place is raising children?

Now this is a really interesting point. I’m not sure what the answer is - should childcare be better paid?

No. Nope.
And I wouldn't leave them unsupervised with a male relative either.

Yea I would if they were the right person for the job. Although I did have a male (teenage) babysitter expose himself to me and my best friend when we were about 11. I don’t think a teenage girl babysitter would have done that. But that’s obviously a specific situation and wouldn’t put me off hiring a man if he were great with the kids and had good refs etc

F.Y.I. those playing the violence and sex offenders card...DISCLOSURE CHECKS! Women are also capable of these crimes too.

Passing a DBS check just means you've not yet been caught.

You do know that CSA is only one kind of child abuse and accounts for only 9% of child abuse? And that if you look at ALL forms of child abuse (the whole 100%- physical, emotional, neglect, as well as sexual) women (54% of perpetrators) are just as likely as men (45% of perpetrators) to abuse children.

Indeed, but I'd be more likely to observe and intervene quickly in the event of physical abuse or neglect. Easy to spot and also less damaging long-term from a one-off incident. Emotional abuse would be tricker to pick up, admittedly. Particularly in a non-verbal child. But I think the damage might be easier to overcome than the damage from sexual abuse. And my two year old repeats pretty much everything she hears so I do think I'd pick up on it before she was old enough to remember it. And they'd be too young for CSE and exploitation/county lines stuff to be relevant. I think sexual abuse is the most concerning in the context of a nanny, because of the potential for it to go undetected for longer and the long term psychological impact.

Now this is a really interesting point. I’m not sure what the answer is - should childcare be better paid?

Possibly, or just held in higher regard. If men really wanted to take on caring roles, they would - where’s the surge of men desperate for their sons to become nannies? In the same way women had to fight for their daughters to be taken seriously in STEM?

No I wouldn't.

Wouldn’t think twice about it if we got on and I felt they were a good fit for us. One of my good friends became a nanny when he got sick of the fitness industry and was with the family for years. My best friend’s dad was also a nursery nurse when I was growing up, so I guess it’s quite normal to me.

I would like to mitigate any risk possible and not ignore a risk, just because there are other riskier factors at play

But in that case, you wouldn't ever let anybody look after your child apart from yourself. You also wouldn't let them travel in a car, play on a climbing frame, would only ever live in a bungalow etc.

where’s the surge of men desperate for their sons to become nannies?

Not much point in their bothering, with the attitudes of a lot of people on this thread - where's the sense in encouraging your child into a career where they'll be widely denied work opportunities just because of their sex?

Although it's outrageous that they should have to in the first place, women in male-dominated jobs can always clearly demonstrate their knowledge and ability to do the job just as well as any of the men (or better); but if people's prejudice is based squarely on your genetic make-up rather than on any initial doubts about your competence, there's not a lot of point in males wasting their time. Thus childcare remains the sole responsibility of women and, in time, can end up being seen as the limits of their responsibility and opportunities. I doubt that those refusing to consider employing a male nanny would change their minds, even if 50% of all nannies were men.

No. But then my preference is for group settings anyway, so I probably wouldn't want a female one either TBH.

Not much point in their bothering, with the attitudes of a lot of people on this thread - where's the sense in encouraging your child into a career where they'll be widely denied work opportunities just because of their sex?

Is this a joke? Women are regularly denied work opportunities because of their sex - this came up on a thread a few weeks ago where ‘male dominated environments’ were actually used as an example of how inclusive men were. In 2020.

If men can’t be bothered breaking through- which means encouraging their sons to do it, as well as taking personal responsibility for Bad Things Men Do - then why on Earth do they deserve to be trusted? If men wanted this to change, they would change it.

It does seem counter-intuitive to be criticising men for not willing to play their part in looking after and nurturing children and then screaming 'pervert' (or at best, 'far more likely to be a pervert') and questioning their motives with a deep frown when they do step up and do it.

The more men are discouraged/disallowed from working in childcare, the fewer opportunities there are for women, as somebody has to do it - it's that simple. I wonder how many women there are out there who bitterly complain about selfish/deadbeat husbands/partners/exes leaving them to deal with all of the burden of childcare whilst simultaneously declaring that men categorically cannot be trusted with children.

I would like to mitigate any risk possible and not ignore a risk, just because there are other riskier factors at play

But in that case, you wouldn't ever let anybody look after your child apart from yourself. You also wouldn't let them travel in a car, play on a climbing frame, would only ever live in a bungalow etc.

Nonsense. I let them take the risks I’m comfortable with and mitigate them where possible.

It’s like saying that there is a risk that the child might be injured in a car accident, and so if there’s any risk at all, why would you bother putting them in a car seat and making sure the brakes work and indicating before you turn etc etc. You don’t, you accept there is a small risk of a car accident but minimise it by strapping them in, using a safe car seat, getting your car serviced etc to minimise the risk of them being unsafe.

You minimise the risk where you can, not entirely eliminate it to the detriment of actually living your life.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

It does seem counter-intuitive to be criticising men for not willing to play their part in looking after and nurturing children and then screaming 'pervert' (or at best, 'far more likely to be a pervert') and questioning their motives with a deep frown when they do step up and do it.

The more men are discouraged/disallowed from working in childcare, the fewer opportunities there are for women, as somebody has to do it - it's that simple. I wonder how many women there are out there who bitterly complain about selfish/deadbeat husbands/partners/exes leaving them to deal with all of the burden of childcare whilst simultaneously declaring that men categorically cannot be trusted with children.

Still women’s fault that men are deadbeat then. Sure.

Maybe if we had less history of men being abusive things would be different. Maybe if every single man took personal responsibility for how violent men as a class are then they would be able to skip into caring roles. Blaming women for this seems a bit desperate.

Is this a joke? Women are regularly denied work opportunities because of their sex - this came up on a thread a few weeks ago where ‘male dominated environments’ were actually used as an example of how inclusive men were. In 2020.

If men can’t be bothered breaking through- which means encouraging their sons to do it, as well as taking personal responsibility for Bad Things Men Do - then why on Earth do they deserve to be trusted? If men wanted this to change, they would change it.*

I don't understand your reasoning based on what I wrote. Of course, women routinely suffer discrimination and are denied work opportunities because of their sex - but this is rightly being fought with the law and attitudes (far too) slowly changing.

The reasoning being given here for not employing men to care for children is based on factors that simply cannot be changed i.e. having male genitals, bodies and hormones, which are intrinsically distrusted.

There are always going to be a few bad people out there, hence the need for everybody to play their part in safeguarding children as far as is humanly possible.

The male half of humanity is never going to be able to band together and completely eradicate the minority of men who want to harm children to the extent that they as a sex will be trusted by some of the women on here; just the same as the female half would never have been able to collaborate to prevent the likes of Vanessa George, Beverley Allitt, Tracey Connelly and Magdalena Łuczak (Daniel Pelka's mother) from perpetrating their evil crimes, tragically.

If you blame the vast majority of innocent men and hold them responsible for the wicked minority, do you also personally accept full responsibility for what these and many other vile, disgusting women have done?

semi bold fail

If you blame the vast majority of innocent men and hold them responsible for the wicked minority, do you also personally accept full responsibility for what these and many other vile, disgusting women have done?

I do, yes. Don’t you? Or do you think ‘ah well, NAWALT so no point in making sure it doesn’t happen again’. The problem of Men runs much deeper than a handful of names though - toxic masculinity is far reaching. So the idea that men are better, women are fair game, women are biologically suited better to caring for children (someone said this on a thread the other day), INCELS, MeToo, Yewtree - it’s an absolutely massive, massive network of problems. Problems that men are all to ready to say ‘well, I’m not like that therefor I should be able to do whatever I like and be trusted’.

Again, if men really wanted to take on caring roles, they would. But they don’t.